Anyhoo, as usual, in the last 48 hours of the year I am running around trying to do all the things that should've been accomplished in the past 363 days. I'm trying to make returns, drop-offs at the Goodwill, find a new desk, clean the apartment from top to bottom, workout and of course, find the perfect dress for New Year's Eve.Which is exactly why instead of peacefully enjoying my "stay-cation" inside my apartment, I was out in the streets and visually assaulted at every turn with what I consider the biggest fashion offense of the year- rib-cage length cropped winter coats and sweater (a.k.a. the reinvented shrug). Yeah I said it. That bullshit needs to GO.
Seriously, what the hell is the purpose of this half assed cover-up? Especially when it's your winter coat?? Just so I'm clear- you've got the long sleeves and and hood with the fur but not the actual coat part? Call me anal but doesn't that defeat the purpose of the coat concept? Wait, lemme guess, only your boobs get cold in the winter?
I can't.
And for the record, at five feet flat, I'm a huge fan of the standard waist-length cropped coats/ jackets/ sweaters/whatever. But NO ONE looks good in those Forever 21/ 5-7-9/ Marshalls bargain bin specials.
I don't care if you're not "fat" or eventechnically "chubby"- if you ain't anerexic or rocking the certified six-pack, your stomach will poke out from under that mess. It will jiggle when you walk. It is sloppy and yes, you do look a hot ass mess.
Let the prayer circles commence, I'm tagging out.
As your neighbor, I see these offenses to the human eyesight daily. I've come to accept that it is cultural. In my observations and conversations with the men of The Heights, the mushy female form is preferred. There is something intriguing, dare I say intoxicating, to these men about the anticipation of what wonders and mysteries will be released/revealed when the buttons, zippers and velcro release the flesh that is held beneath. A sensual pinata of flesh and cellulite.
ReplyDeleteBang away children, bang away.
i'm so mad. you brought back "5-7-9." you know those jackets are an "El Mundo" staple.
ReplyDelete