taking this show on the road...

Good God, I'm tired.

Like, seriously I haven't gotten a good night's rest in weeks. I have trouble falling asleep and keep waking up every couple of hours for no good reason... I woke up the other morning and not only were there bags under my eyes but PURPLE bags. Boo. I love my life but Mama needs better pillows, less environmental stimulation (read: all that damn late night construction outside of my window) and a timeout ASAP.

So I'm taking off for the next couple of days off...

Gonna go chase the sun and find a little breathing room on a nice white sand beach. I'll be back on Tuesday. Have a wonderful weekend party people.

i got your ball...

I may be a little late on this one but have you seen the video of University of New Mexico soccer player, Elizabeth Lambert Her (yes, I take it she's German too) literally yanking an opponent from Brigham Young University down to the ground by her ponytail??

Okay forreal, forreal? This 'ish is CA-Razy!! I couldn't have made this up if I wanted to- it's too damn underhanded and vicious. Talkin' about she thinks it's all being blown out of proportion because she's a woman and she was "not out there to hurt players. That would take away from the beauty of the game."

*Dead Fish Eyes*

No Holly Hobby, let me tell you what would taken away from the beauty of the game. Your lumped up face after the certified ass whooping I would've given if your dumb butt had dared to snap my neck back and flip me over face first into the ground by the hair. Bump a damn penalty flag. It would've been me, my cleats and the small of your back behind some tomfoolery like this. Trust.

Humph. All I can say is, Jesus be the swift kick to the neck in the name of the game.

go well...

The only drawback to having a great birthday is the day after, you have to come back to reality. And let me assure you, reality sucked this morning. What with the body of that poor little 5 year-old girl in North Carolina whose mother sold her into prostitution being found and the father, sons and uncle in Missouri that raped GENERATIONS of women in their own family? Uuugh, my stomach is officially in knots.

So I thought we light keep it light and talk about the 27% of you guys that are willing to date someone who doesn't believe in/ isn't willing to perform oral sex. Um really? So what you're really saying is: if things work out, you're willing to go your ENTIRE life without the lickey-lickey??? Woah.

Okay, okay, I won't even go all in and talk about you. I'll simply explain why I can't even consider joining the compassionate 29% who said that for the right person they'd be willing to pray on it. As my girl Nikki is so fond of saying, God Bless their little hearts...

Granted, everybody is different. BUT like the 42% majority, I don't know if I could really stay interested in someone who suffers from that type of issue. No, not because I'm angry or even offended about their personal choice to abstain. Not at all.

It's just that after 30-something years, I know Mitzi. And eventually, somewhere down the road, I will have a moment of sheer paranoia. Out of nowhere, I'll start wondering whether there's another, dare I say- more fishy reason that keeps my sig other from even wanting to TRY to go down on me.... And trust, that moment will not end well. *Insert image of me bent over with my head in my crotch sniffing like a wild banshee* Err-um, no thank you.

So avoid making your issue my own crisis, I will not.

my favorite holiday of the year...

Psst, guess what?

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

WOO HOO!!! Go Mitzi, it's ya birthday! Go Mitzi, get busy! Go Mitzi, go, go, go!! Insert image of me grinning like an ass, doing the running man across my living room, as I sing an off-key Stevie Wonder version of Happy Birthday at the top of my lungs.

I am so freaking excited to see another year in the crazy world, there are no words. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of my friends and family who's love, support and positive energy helped me make it through. 'Cause lord knows this past year was a helluva roller coaster ride....

*Dead Fish Eyes*

But you know my motto: I'm never mad at the stair steps that lead me to the life I'm destined to live.

So here's to keeping it moving and all the wonderful surprises that await.

making poor chris work harder...

It's amazing what a great video will do for a song, huh? 'Cause even though I still don't want to hear it in the club or the radio, this right here almost- I said, ALMOST- makes her obvious ode to wrist slicing and lethal pill popping bearable as an idea.

Get it Rih-Rih!

three days to go...

I hate rainy Fridays. Something about it just takes the joy out of my countdown to the weekend. Sigh. But I guess we are in the middle of fall, so I shouldn't complain too much. At least there's no snow on the ground.

On an up note, the new Jimmy Choo for H&M shoe and clothing line goes on sale tom morning. Not that my ass is going to be getting up anywhere near early (I've got my girl Tricia's wedding to attend tonight), it's nice to know that the average person (with a foot size between 5 and 9) can now enjoy the fabulosity. Step lively ladies.

And the happiest news of the dreary day, the tickets for the Lady Gage/ Kid Cudi show at Radio City are about to go on sale. Needless to say, I'll be cutting this little entry short to jump on Ticketmaster.com and cop mine.

Consider it an early bday present.... hint, hint.

gone baby gone...

It sure is hard being a parent nowadays, huh? Not that I would know a damn thing about it BUT I gotta admit, reading the recall notice on ALL the Maclaren strollers sold in the US since 1999 kinda made my childless-by-choice nerves bad.

I'm saying, not one or two but TWELVE little kids had a finger chopped off? Woah.

But wait on it... Apparently Maclaren has known about the manufacturing defect for FIVE years. And yet, did absolutely nada. Talking about they were under no legal obligation to report the issue... Err-um, please feel free to insert the classic *Blank Stare W/ Three Blinks*

As if there isn't enough things in the world to worry about when it comes to the babies? Now, you gotta be careful you don't "traumatically amputate" a finger or two? Uh-uh, no thank you.