Friday, January 28, 2011

parenting isn't for everybody...

Let me get this straight. A 13-month old baby drowns in the bathtub while his mother is checking her friends' status updates and playing CafeWorld on Facebook? Forreal?

When I initially saw this story, I almost refused to click link. And quite honestly, I'm sorry that I went against my gut. Cause now I'm physically ill.

Not only did this little boy drown because of his mother's irresponsibility and lack of good judgement but wait on it... This ignorant hooker has the nerve to try and justify her actions??

Talking about, "he wanted to be left alone."

HUH? He, who? Since when can a one year old tell an adult ANYTHING??? Let alone, give me privacy while I bathe.


This tragedy was so senseless and preventable it's just... BEYOND.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

facebook is the devil...

And in other loosey goosey white woman news:

Two cousins from Long Island, Melanie Spanopoulos and Giselle Penagos, got into a disagreement over a dude who accepted one chick's Facebook friend request yet denied the other cousin.

As if even having an argument over a Facebook friend request isn't petty enough, when Giselle (the denied female) found out that her cousin's request had been accepted, she caught an attitude and refused to get into a car with Melanie. Well, turns out Melanie wasn't having it. So this moron proceeded to hit her cousin with her van- TWO TIMES.

(Clearly one time wasn't enough. Homegirl needed to put the vehicle in reverse and run that ass over again to make her point. )

Long story short, poor Giselle required surgery Monday to fix a broken leg and shattered pelvis.


Just so we're all clear, this crazy bish ran over and then reversed a freaking VAN on top of her own flesh and blood b/c of some dude's FB friend selection?

*logs all the way off*

calling all balloon heads...

This video is priceless.

It physically pains that someone with this little knowledge of our country's history is in a position to make decisions for the entire nation. Michele Bauchman reminds me of all the white people I know that still think and openly say things like, "Oh Mitzi, you're so different from the rest of those Black people."


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

this explains the bubble guts...

Dammit to all hell, is no junk food sacred anymore?

Turns out the mystery "ground meat" that Taco Bell hustles by the burrito boat load doesn't even have enough actual beef to qualify as taco meat filling (which only requires 40% fresh beef) let alone call itself real "beef." Oh and wait on it... apparently the rest of said "meat" is a combination of chemicals and random ingredients like cocoa powder, sugar and corn starch.

*gags and looks directly at Latoya Scott- Brown*

We've got to do better people.

Monday, January 24, 2011

mo money, mo problems...

So Oprah's got a half-sister, huh?

Lucky chick.

Cause I surely was sitting here hoping that the big announcement was that she discovered that she actually had a secret love child out and that it turned out to be ME. No offense mom.

Oh wells, so much for that crack pipe dream.

On another note, prayers up for all the victims of the terrorist attack at the Moscow airport and Holly Lahti, the 29 year-old single mom that won $190 million dollars in the Mega Millions jackpot about three weeks ago. Turns out homegirl had serious domestic violence issues with her sleazy, estranged husband (who put that nasty shiner on her left eye back in 2003 & also happens to be suing for a chunk of her winnings) and is now missing.


*makes the sign of the cross and starts tossing holy water every which way*

Friday, January 21, 2011

u and your 54 followers...

O-M-G! Just finished reading a story about a Sports Illustrated writer that decided to track down a couple of the people that left him extremely nasty, personal, online comments (including a picture of hard core porn) in response to an article he wrote. Check it out HERE.


Talking about, when the first guy answered the phone and realized it was the sports writer he had just cussed out and sent an x-rated picture- cause homeboy really did call both commenters on their home phones- it was an ENTIRELY different story than the crude, profanity filled tirades they had written online:

"Without invisibility or the support of his 54 Twitter followers or the superhuman powers supplied by a warm keyboard, Matt was meek and apologetic. 'I was just trying to get a rise out of you," he said. "You're a known sports writer, and I thought it was cool. That's all. I never meant for it to reach this point.'"

Or wait on it.. the one who still lives at home with his freaking mother:

"... along with contacting Matt, I also tracked down Andy, a 23-year-old aspiring writer who tweeted of me: "jeff Pearlman and billy madison share an intelligence quotient (because jeff Pearlman is a f---ing retard)."
When I dialed a number I found for Andy, his mother answered. (I admit, this brought me great delight.) Andy was even more apologetic than Matt..."

Uh huh, I'll bet.

*falls out laughing*

Now don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to an opinion. And you're absolutely free to comment on/disagree with any and everything I publish. (In fact, hearing a different side of the story makes me more informed.) So please share. But there's a HUGE difference between disagreeing and calling names/sending pornographic images to illustrate your disdain.


So lesson of the day for all the internet thugs runnin' amuck & poppin' ish from behind your new iPads: The keyboard will only protect you so far.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

do not pass go, do not collect a single dollar...

For the record, I am adamantly pro-choice.

I have no interest or desire to regulate another woman's reproductive decisions nor do I believe that it is anyone else's right to do so.

Because at the end of the day, there's only one person that will have to live with the mental and physical consequences of giving birth to an unwanted child. And it sure as hell ain't nam one of the folks holding up graphic protest signs and blockading the entrance to abortion clinics.

With that said, I am absolutely horrified by the accusations against this doctor in Philadelphia. H-O-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.

Performing medical services in a filthy clinic that reeked of cat urine?
Abortions given during the 6th & 7th month of pregnancy?
Severing living babies' spinal cords with scissors?
Hoarding bags of fetuses in a refrigerator?
Transferring venereal disease from patient to patient b/c the instruments weren't sterilized?
Saving baby feet in jars for no known medical reason?

*gags violently*

This man wasn't a medical practitioner, he was a freaking MONSTER.

And what makes is so devastating is that he clearly preyed on the weakest members of his very own community. Cause ain't no way in the world, any woman with means and options would elect to have such a sensitive surgery in such a disgusting, demoralizing and offensive environment.

There's a special place in hell for people who are part of ish like this. And certainly I hope that man, his wife (who was his partner in crime) and all the rest of the so called professionals in the office -receptionist, nurse, anesthetist, whoever was there- see fit to make their way there ASAP.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

screwed up priorities...

So I'm going to skip right over Regis's retirement announcement, the 300 dead cows in Wisconsin and get to the important stuff: the bidding war over O.B tampons on Ebay!


Okay, I kid, I kid. But don't act like paying $79 for a box of tampons isn't excessive.

Actually, a couple of stories caught my attention this morning as I was catching up from the long weekend hiatus: First, there's the story about the Memphis high school where 90 teen girls are pregnant or have already given birth this school year. Uh, 90? All in 1 school? SMH. So much for abstinence, huh? Then there is the article on the Hepatitis C patient in Alaska who was charged with attempted murder for spitting on a nurse while she was trying to put him in restraints. Now, ya'll already know how squeamish I am about germs & saliva... Can you imagine what this poor woman was thinking when 'ole dude hocked a fat one in her mouth?? *shudders* But the most intriguing of all the headlines I stumbled across was the white guy who completely wilded out when his wife caught him watching porn. And when I say wilded out, I mean homeboy flew into a rage and straight stabbed her to death. Mmm-hmmm... But wait on it- after the murder, he proceeded to go to a basketball game and THEN call the police.


Like seriously? There are so many things wrong with this last story. First of all, why are married people still getting into arguements over porn? Its a video with actors. That he will never meet. Now, if it was a video of your next door neighbors or your kid's 3rd grade teacher, that's a little different. But some botox filled broad and bi-sexual man w a penile extension? So not worth the energy or worse, getting yourself killed over. At all.

And who in the trailer trash crazy goes to a basketball game before reporting a murder? For all that, he might as well not call at all. Just toss her ass in a garbage bag and keep it moving.

No offense.

Maybe I'm just tired this morning but the series of poor decisions in this situation is simply perplexing. Forreal.

Friday, January 14, 2011

now is the time to call 911...

It's funny, because as a single woman, I'm frequented being asked what I look in a mate. And naturally, here are a lot of qualities that I hope that my life partner will possess. But after watching this video, I gotta tell you the order of that theoretical list IMMEDIATELY become revised and now has a non-negotiable number one:


YO, how in the WORLD does anyone in their right mind drive by an unsupervised toddler waddling down the sidewalk EVER???? And the baby was ONLY wearing a pair of diapers in the f'king SNOW???


Ya'll these dudes are beyond foul and selfish. And their sick, voyeuristic ability to enjoy witnessing what is clearly a cry of help and not get involved is just...

This is exactly what I meant when I say, as embarrassed as that pre-teen might have TEMPORARILY felt getting whupped up on by his Uncle, at LEAST somebody cared enough to jump in and get involved when he was endangering his life (And yes, posting pictures of yourself pretending to be a drug dealing gang member and making terrorist death treats on the internet where nothing ever disappears IS endangering your life).

This seriously reminds me of the type of people that stand around and video tape a woman being gang raped. But in that case, at least the cowards can claim that they might of been scared for their own safety. This is a BABY on a deserted street in a clearly blighted area of town.

I really hope all the men laughing in that car face criminal charges for their depraved indifference.

*drops the mic and walks away*

Thursday, January 13, 2011

lookin mighty sweet...

They say a picture speaks a thousand words. But for the grown ass man who thought it was a good idea to tattoo a three-scoop ice cream cone with lightning bolts shooting out of it on his face, I only have one:


I'm not even going to get into Gucci Mane's loopy blood shot eyes and and slightly ajar bottom lip that give me the distinct impression that he's either suffering from a bad cold or missing a chromosome... or two. Nope.

I'm just going to wish you good luck with that homie.

*logs all the way off*

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

don't call me, i'll find you...

Oh yeah, I want to put everyone up on this website,

A modern day national address book of sort, this new service has basically compiled all the public data available on everyone and created individual user profiles. Which in theory should be no worse than the white pages (remember those?)

Except, these profiles include
EXTREMELY personal information. Mm-hmm... Think your marital status, lists of your relative and how they're related to you, your occupation and bio, an estimation of your annual income, photos & videos from sever social networking site you've belonged to like Myspace (remember THAT??)/ FB/Linkedin, hobbies, etc.


So essentially, for a nominal fee of course, any wacko in the world with internet access can find out how much they
think you make a year, who your favorite aunt is, where she lives and even get a Google picture of her front door.

You do the math.

I suggest you log on, find your profile, copy the URL, click on the Privacy link at the bottom of the page and get to opting out

RANDOM SIDENOTE: I mentioned the site to one of my homegirls yesterday. And do you know, that shady hooker replied, "Oh yeah, I heard about that last week. I figured you knew. I already removed myself." Uh, she thought I knew???

no, its not pretty...

Gentle reminder, please say and prayer and if you can, drop a dollar (or more) on Haiti today.

Today officially marks a year since the earthquake literally tore the country apart. And it's safe to assume, that even the dimmest bulbs amongst us should be able to understand that between the massive death toll, child abductions, delayed reconstruction, non-stop stream of gang rapes of women &children in the make-shift tent cities, and current cholera epidemic the small Caribbean country is still very much in need.

Do not behave like our former President and assume that because Bono has stopped organizing celeb charity concerts, it's "mission accomplished."


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

i used to put books under my pants..

So I realize that I'm SUPER late with this but guess what? I. Don't Care. I've been under a deadline rock for the past week and a half.

This video of a kid who looks to be about 14 years old getting his behind WHOOPED by his Uncle for posting fake gangster nonsense, threats and inappropriate thug bullshit on his Facebook page gave me LIFE this morning.

And when I say, LIFE? I mean, I was literally shaking and crying from laughter for five minutes straight. This might be the only reason I make it through the next 4 days.

Lemme tell you, not because I think watching someone get humiliated is funny. No. Easy. I told ya'll I'm trying to be a better person in 2011.

On the contrary, all I could think as I watched the kid scurry in a circle trying to avoid each smack without actually running away from his Uncle (cause the two worst thing you could do in that situation were run or grab the belt) was, O.M.G, I KNOW that belt!!! I was RAISED with that belt!! It landed on my legs, thighs and back more times than I care to remember!! And I for damn sure been in the same cowered position, apologizing for acting like I didn't have any good goddamn sense. Believe that.

And why? Because my parents taught me better than that. And we don't come from that shit!!

I thank GOD EVERY day there was no cameras around when I was growing up!!

*makes the sign of the cross, presses play and falls out again*

Shout out to all the people who were raised by someone that loved them enough to whip-not BEAT- them when they were getting bigger than their britches.

you add it up...

So I read the story about the Black former Gristedes van driver who basically ran over and killed a Hispanic woman in Brooklyn while he was driving drunk. The 29 year-old was married with three young children. Oh and wait on it... she was also three months pregnant.


I'm not going to get into how in his tipsy state, witness testified that dude was speeding and slowing down so that his boy could cat-call female pedestrians as they drove by. Seriously? No. I'm just going to say that I was happy as hell to hear that received 15 years in prison. At first. And then I was sad. really, really sad.


Because then I remembered a very similar DUI manslaughter case sentencing that took place only four months ago.

Equally horrific details- a married mother is mowed down while while hailing a cab. Except in that case, the driver was a White off-duty cop who was heading home from the bar with another cop when he ran over the Black woman. The victim was also a married mother. Oh and it definitely gets better... when the ON-DUTY cops (you know the ones that were supposed to protect & serve the victim) arrived on the scene, they not only advised said drunken officer not to take the breathalyzer-they also instead gave him a stick of gum, two bottles of waters and allowed him to leave the scene (to go home & sober up).

He received exactly 90 days in prison. Uh huh, you read that correctly, NINETY DAYS.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that dude who killed the pregnant lady should've gotten a lighter sentence. When you decide to drive under the influence, that's the dangerous gamble you take. In this case, homeboy lost.

But, just so I'm clear lemme do the math:
Jan 2011 Black van driver kills Hispanic mother= 15 YEARS
Sept 2010 White police officer kills Black mother= 90 DAYS

Granted, I only made it as far as College Algebra but err um, the discrepancy seems like... a lot.

Monday, January 10, 2011

think before you release...

Wow, what a crazy three days!

On Friday, the Obama administration deleted the words 'Mother' and 'Father' from all official forms for the more politically correct titles, 'Parent 1' and 'Parent 2,' then the senseless massacre in Tucson, Arizona popped off and as of this morning it appears that after years of civil war the Sudanese are about to officially vote their country into two parts. CA-razy!

Oh but wait, wait, how could I forget? Foxy Brown released a snippet from what is supposed to be a diss-track against Lil'Kim, entitled, Christmas Massacre.


You know how grown-ups are constantly explaining to children that timing is everything? Well Fox, or may I call you Inga? Timing is EVERYTHING. And the level of ridiculousness that this lame, nonsensical, two-week late, uncalled for, attempt at a diss track has reached is simply BEYOND.

We are in the midst of national and international calamity and this is when you think it's a good time to publicize the implied death threats and raggedy shots you attempted to take at another female rapper? Which for the record, is already two weeks late????


I'mma need you, that filthy looking lace front, and the Ampro gel shellacked baby hair to go pick up a newspaper, find a friend that can read it to you and quiet ya self.

Friday, January 7, 2011

one spoonful at a time...

First the blackbirds fell outta the sky in Arkansas. Next, tens of thousands of fish washed up on shores from Maryland to Brazil. Then even MORE birds fell out of the sky and a mass of crabs washed up on the beaches of the UK. And now, just when government officials have finally concocted a half-way plausible global-warming excuse for all these unexplainable "natural disasters," a healthy sow just delivered a TWO-HEADED calf in the country of Georgia.


*starts digging underground fallout shelter with a spoon*

Thursday, January 6, 2011

off to a great start...

Okay, I'm confused.

The members of The House of Representatives are going to spend the ENTIRE morning reading the Constitution aloud?? To who? Themselves??

Err-um, not for nothing I thought all that reading in a group, story time crap ended in 5th grade. What's next? A pop quiz to make sure everybody was paying attention?

Freaking Ridiculous.

Now please correct me if I'm wrong but, wasn't the entire Republican/ Tea Party 'Take Back Our Government' movement based on reducing government waste?

Yet this scheduled reading-that is going to require HOURS of paid work time-isn't waste?


Yo, these folks are a bunch of flip-flopping liars. Riddle me this, if it's really about mentally rededicating themselves to the true meaning of upholding the law then why not do that shit at an UNPAID weekend retreat... at Speaker Boehner's crib? You know, as opposed to in the Capitol Building , when I'm not only paying your salary but also paying the electricity bill to keep the f'king lights on!!

Man listen... I can't with the crazy on my dime.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

another sad broke song...

Uuugh... Toni Braxton is seriously considering posing for a Playboy cover to raise funds to cover the $50 million dollar debt that she's in???


Uh Toni? Forreal?

Not to be funny but, even someone with an accounting degree from Devry can figure out the measy couple of million dollars you'd receive-IF, and I do mean IF Hef is willing to pay washed-up, 43 year-old R&B singers two million dollars to get sorta nekkid (cause she talking only T&A, not complete nudity) ain't gonna make nary a dent in that riduculous bankruptcy situation you got going on. AGAIN.

*rolls eyes all the way back in head*

Instead of calling Hef, your ass NEEDS to be stalking Babyface and begging him to write a song for you. Shooot....

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

when being p.c. is just b.s...

Hmm, this post is random. But bear with me, I'm a writer and therefore an avid reader. So certain things about words, irk the hell outta me. And I have to say, I found it extremely disturbing to learn that publishers have decided to remove all instances of the 'n -word' and the word, 'Injun' from upcoming editions of Mark Twain's classic novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.


According to The effort is spearheaded by Twain expert Alan Gribben, who says his PC-ified version is not an attempt to neuter the classic but rather to update it. “Race matters in these books,” Gribben told PW. “It’s a matter of how you express that in the 21st century.”


Okay, first of all, what the hell kind of Twain expert would actually believe that censoring the author's work was the right thing to do?? The words that Twain used were selected ON PURPOSE and it was well written.

The novel takes place during SLAVERY. White people referred to slaves as niggers back then (and a whole bunch still do). Jim is a slave. Huck refers to him a nigga. AND??

What's the confusion here? Why are folks pussy-footing around reality?? Because parents and adults don't want to have honest conversations about this country's embarrassing history of race with children??

But you'll let them listen to hip-hop??


*sucks the back of teeth clean*

Monday, January 3, 2011

starting out on the good foot...

Happy New Year party people!! Woo Hoo, we made it! Another 365 (okay, there's really only 362 left at this point) days to pursue every opportunity life provides to the fullest.

No matter what your goals are for this 2011: lose weight, stop calling that ex for the 2am hook up, purchase some real estate, eat healthier, reunite w a long lost friends/ family members, treat yourself to a vacation, go back to school, volunteer, or even learn how to work a pole like a professional; always remember it's one foot in front of the other. Let's Get It!!

And in the spirit of newness, it is my pleasure to announce the winner of the Mitzi Moments Gap Goal Giveaway for a free pair of GAP jeans....


Woo Hoo! Congrats my dear! Thank you for rocking with The Mitzi Moments and I wish you the best of luck on your goal on increased fiscal responsibility in 2011. NO EATING OUT FOR YOU!!

To redeem your prize, please forward your mailing address to my email addy: