Friday, October 31, 2008

penny pinchers unite

Well from the looks of it, appearance (and health, I hope) seem to be the priority for the majority of folks. A strong 64% said that you would rather date someone who could potentially never surprise you with a romantic weekend getaway, live in a cold, dark house because it saves a whopping $20 a month, have you cutting coupons for toilet paper or even worse ask you to go dutch at your very own bday dinner IN FRONT of family & friends; than be with someone who is noticeably overweight. True. If you can't get past jiggly man-breasts and moist backfat, then you just can't.

How-some-ever, once again I'm rolling with the minority on this one. Like the 36%, I cannot stand cheap people. Worse if it's a man that I'm romantically involved with. My motto is: life is for the living. There's a big difference between frugal and cheap. We ain't gotta ball outta control every single day but good grief you can't take it with. All that saving every last penny... no sir, mama needs pretty things to keep a happy house. Even if I have to go grocery shopping once a week and replace the mattress every three years because he's breaking the springs... I'll be damned if I we go out as a couple with a single girlfriend and homeboy doesn't inherently understand that he's expected to pick up the tab for her and I. As my girl Takara so eloquently explained, "one good bout of the flu or food poisoning... and you've got the skinny boy of your dreams." Ha! I know, we ain't about nothing...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

hoping for wind...

For the first time in I don't even know how many years, I've decided to dress up and celebrate Halloween. At first I was just going to comb out the 'fro and throw together something from the back of my closet. But then I convinced myself that it'd been so long, I might as well go all out and dress up. Right?

So after 2 long hours (and at least 25 different slutty school girl outfits) in Ricki's unbelievably crowded Halloween Store aisles, I finally settled on the naughty 5th Ave. maid costume (it's just like the freaky french maid except my dress has more spandex for the curves).

And please believe, your girl has the whole look- from the feather duster to the frilly fire engine red panty covers (just in case a strong breeze blows) down to the 5-inch lucite heels (um yes, I know that stripper heels have nothing to do with a french maid but this is my fantasy, thank you very much). Don't hate, I am sososo excited!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

not so fresh or so clean...

So last night I attended the world premiere of Malcolm D. Lee's new film Soul Men starring Samuel L. Jackson and Bernie Mac. Thankfully, the screening was held at the Apollo, cause otherwise yours truly would've missed it. You know mama don't play that cold weather business AT ALL and the temperature dropped down to the freaking 30s late night!

Anyhoo, overall it was a cool premiere. People got dressed up, there were a lot of Hollywood execs, Sam Jackson came out and so did Bernie's family. Moreover, I'm happy to report, the movie is actually good (disclaimer: no, it's not the best Black movie ever but it's worth your $10). Sam and Bernie just have a natural comedic chemistry that makes you smile despite yourself. And I won't spoil it for those of you who are planning see it but, there's a tribute that plays as the credits roll that's not to be missed.

But can I tell you? Movie aside, you know what made the greatest impression on me over the course of the night? The gentleman sitting directly in front of me. Mmm-hmmm, I surely won't forget him for a while. Why you ask? Because his dreds were STINK. And I'm not talking slight patchouli oil overload. I mean, SOUR grease and DIRTY scalp mixed with rain water STINK. Every time he moved his head, my nostrils would flair and my eyes would tear up. I'm not even kidding you. It was so offensive, I thought I was going to vomit in my mouth whenever I caught a whiff.

To make matters worse, it wasn't like he even had one of those full heads of hair that you're probably envisioning. Oh no, he only had a few straggly pieces of dreds at the top and then I'm assuming the rest had fallen out along the sides. It was a hot ass mess. I was dying to dose him with some of that Pantene for colored hair. Finally, I had to call it a loss and give up my good seat in the center for an empty one off to the side with an obstructed view. It was just that bad.

We have to do better my people.

what's my name...

No matter how you slice the cake, being cheated on sucks. And the older I become, the longer it takes me to trust. So to discover that someone I finally allowed myself to believe in, be completely unguarded around and tell Elsa about has betrayed me? Well like the 57% of you, just call me Capt. Cut-'Em-Off.

And no, it's not because I don't understand how challenging it can be to meet amazing, progressive, single men nowadays. In fact, I'm the first one commenting on how much harder it's become over the years and threatening to auction my virginity on Ebay (oh wait, it's a little too late for that, huh?). But quietly, it's just as hard to meet amazing women. So the way I see it, we'll both be struggling to figure it out after the fact.

One of the hardest lessons I've learned is if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything. And since I don't have kids to consider, I refuse to be the only one trying to hold the sinking ship together. DO NOT come crying to me to me after the fact because you feel guilty or worse, cause your side chick is getting out of pocket and is threatening to rat you out. Sloppy is not hot.

Although I'll admit; I wasn't always this jaded. Looking way, way back, like the 42%, I'm sure that if my ex had simply been upfront about what happened or in my case, confessed before the trifling jump-off called my phone (insert eye roll and sigh) we would've definitely been able to move past it. Because keeping it real? Deep down inside, I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to make like the white girls in the movies and have a happily ever after. Now, no one's saying it would've been easy (cause I'm a Scorpio and you know how we do) BUT when you actually meet someone that matters, it can be hard to just let go of everything because of one unfortunate, meaningless indiscretion...

Monday, October 27, 2008

in total denial...

I was really hoping that the Chicago police would find Jennifer Hudson's nephew Julian King. I kept delaying my post about the situation because I was convinced that somehow, some way, that the innocent 7 year-old boy was going to be okay. Unfortunately not. And so my thoughts go out to Jennifer Hudson and her family for the multiple losses they suffered this past weekend. I pray that at some point they will all be able to heal and recover.

I also hope that this unspeakable tragedy serves as a gentle reminder to the rest of us-no one is 100% immune to domestic violence. Hindsight is 20/20 but trust, somewhere along the line, somebody saw J-Hud's sister's estranged husband say/ do something that made them pause. And lord knows they probably even tried to say something...
Tragically, you know how hardheaded women in love (myself included) can be about our relationships- giving folks a million and one chances, overlooking the obvious, acting like crazy is ever cool, etc. Read: unnecessarily gambling with our mental and physical wellbeing just not to be alone.

Humph, all I can say is point duly noted.

at a complete loss...

When my girl Nikki asked me to pose the poll question- whether or not folks felt like they could be in a serious relationship (long-term implied) or even married to a partner that refused to disclose how much money he/ she earned annually, I just knew that this was going to be a landslide hell no. But clearly, I was wrong.

19% of you voted that you would be A-OK living in the dark. Like seriously? Are we living in the same country? You know, the one with the tanking economy and all?
Maybe, the 89% of us are missing something BUT if you're comfortable enough to lay down and fall asleep in the bed beside me every night then certainly, you should be okay with letting me know what your checks are looking like, right? Cause like, aren't financial and sexual history are equally important?
I don't even know what to say party people...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

if i only gain 5lbs...

I will be beyond a lucky camper. I have eaten so much over this past weekend, I am scared to try on my safety jeans- you know the ones that are 3 sizes too big, made entirely of cheap spandex and that you pack just in case (as it often will with my greedy behind) the eating gets out of control? I am so about to be the one woman Sisterhood of the Traveling Sweats as I hustle back to NYC this morning.

The best thing about going to visit good friends that live far away is the building excitement. The worst thing? The letdown when it's time to leave. Whenever I arrive at the airport, I always feel like the bad seven year-old totally pouty and unable to grasp the concept that we'll see each other again. I hate good-byes. Damn a new iPhone, when is Apple going create travel portals so that I can get back and forth in the blink of an eye?

Friday, October 24, 2008

so hard to say goodbye...

Well, its definitely encouraging to learn that 66% of you have figured out a way to be friends with your exs. Cause I can def remember a time when the phrase, "I hope we can always be friends" was just the polite way to get off the phone. You know, after the whole- "Um no we can't keep sleeping together anymore" part of the convo. And right before you'd call your closest friend and talk more mess than a little bit about how the entire relationship was nothing short of the biggest mistake of your life and not one of your friends were ever, ever, ever allowed to speak to him/ her again.

As for the 33% of you still cutting folks off at the knees, I wish you good luck. It takes great discipline to spend the rest of my life pretending not to know someone that I used to be get my sexy on with... especially if we live in the same city. With my kinda luck, I'm the one, bumping into them on every corner and opening of a soup can. And I swear, there is nothing more uncomfortable faking small talk with someone you're not cool with. You know those horrid conversations held entirely in that high pitch, fake excited tone of voice-"Oh my god, hi!! It's so good to see you!" When the whole time you're wishing you just stayed home and drank a V-8? Mmm-hmm...

Thursday, October 23, 2008

off to see the fletchers...

This evening I'm headed to Detroit for my goddaughter Sydney's christening. And I gotta be honest, I'm really excited. The last time I saw Sydney she was an 8-month bump and stretching my poor BFF's stomach into something straight out of a bad sci-fi movie. Seriously.

So it looks like this whole weekend I'm going to be immersed in young Black suburban life:

Tomorrow, Shayla and I are scheduled to chaperon Sydney's big sister Sam and her entire pre-k class on their apple-picking trip. No, it's not exactly the 'sophisticated-ladies-who-lunch' type of day I had envisioned when I said I was gonna come in early so we could spend some time together but you know, things are a little different in Ann Arbor Michigan. For the record, mama has already packed her nerve pills.

Then on Saturday, the husband got tickets to the annual Michigan v. Michigan State game. Woo Hoo!! So while Shayla is off being a good AKA soror at our classmate Crystal's wedding (god bless her heart), Steve, his frat brothers and I will be screaming our heads off at Michigan Stadium aka The Big House alongside 110,000 sloppy, beer-filled, possibly shirtless and definitely over the top college football fans... can't wait!
Finally, on Sunday we're all headed to the church. Where Lord willing, I will not to fall asleep during the service or drop Sydney in the water basin when it's time to present her. 'Cause as you can see, if she ain't nothing else my goddaughter is a big baby.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

my friends are evil...

Ok, I have to say I just got the sweetest shout out on the blog, Yeah I Said It And So What. Normally, I wouldn't bother talking about something like this BUT why is her blog the funniest thing EVER. Like this it's totally and completely what The YBF used to be before ole girl started loving down every freaking celebrity walking and probably what my blog would be like if I didn't need to make a living interviewing these crazy acting celebrities every time the bank account got a little low. Sigh.
So by all means go head, check her out and feel free to get addicted-just click on the name, I finally figured out how to do that little hidden url trick-you know I am.

maybe I'm just easy...

WOWOW, so the majority of you guys are not okay with your partner regularly logging on to internet porn, huh? Very interesting.

I gotta be honest, like the paltry 36%, I could care less if my partner watches while he's working or surfing. As long as you're not crying about how you can't afford to take me out cause you're broke, still putting it down in our bedroom, cleaning up after yourself at the desk and not asking me to help you pick a new position for the bootylicious freak who doesn't know you from the next serial number that just logged off before you... The way I see it is, if you like it, I love it.

But I guess the 63% do have some valid points... Yes, all those virus and cookies downloaded to the computer will eventually cost money to remove. No, it's probably not so easy for the average self esteem to accept that their partner fantasizes about another person (even if we know we do it too). Yes, certain stains and smells can be very challenging to remove when in a rush. And no, there's nothing quite as comforting as the old school bootleg DVD that can be broken in half and tossed in the trash if I get mad enough.

they are not playin...

I was going to start my day by breaking on Sarah "I'm a fake Maverick" Palin and the newly leaked expense reports that prove she's been flying her three daughters all across the country to different events and shacking up in luxury hotel rooms at the state's expense. And wait on it... homegirl got caught trying to amend her expense reports to read as if the girls were on 'official state business' all after the fact. Why by-golly, are you trying to tell me is that 7 year-old Piper is not capable of conducting official Alaska state business (insert patronizing wink/ smirk combo)?? I cry for the country.

Needless to say event organizers (who've seen way too many lobbyists headed to the clink in the past couple of years) were hardly willing to take the fall for the dimwitted Governor. As soon as they were questioned by the press, they started dry snitching like Bodie in The Wire, talking about, "We never extended an invitation to her family... The girls just showed up." Um, what you say?
Jesus, take the wheel because I can't.:

But then, I received word of a voter in New Mexico getting turned away from the polls because of the t-shirt she was wearing and I got a little sidetracked.

WOW, so I guess all the hundreds of annoying emails reminding me not to wear an Obama t-shirt, button, sticker, underwear, eye patch or tattoo to the voting polls this November 4th that my beloved cousin Vianet keeps forwarding to are actually true. My bad, V!

Turns out that the poor lady was in a freaking wheelchair when she got sent away!! Talking about her Obama t-shirt was distracting to other voters. Um sure, but not for nothing the liquor store next door isn't? I'm just saying... It's definitely getting ugly.

Check out the craziness and be prepared.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

a call to action...

So I spent all day Sunday running around D.C. producing a photo shoot of skateboarder Darren Harper for SET Magazine. And can I just say, if every day of work could look like this... bring it on!

In addition to being super talented (among a bunch of other accolades/ affiliations, he's the first African American skater sponsored by Travis Barker's Stars & Straps clothing line), Darren has the most amazing skin and teeth I've seen on a non-model Black boy like, EVER. And something tells me that this kid (easy ladies, he's only 26 years old) who makes a living by spending his days rolling through the world on a damn board is so not the one for the expensive bath products.

Watching Darren for six hours (and yes, I got paid to peep him out) got me to thinking about the state of black men's skin. More specifically the recent string of guys with bad skin that I've come across recently.

Its 2008, why do you still have razor bumps? I get the whole curly hair conspiracy but how about you make sure you're using a clean blade to cut? I dated a professional barber for almost six years, and the first thing I learned was that half of all razor bumps are cause by dirty blades. Mmm-hmmm... And what's really good with the dry flaky skin? Ya'll just looking ashy all around the mouth and eyebrow area... My brothers, please stop acting like facial moisturizer (no, not your girl's hand lotion or mama's tub of Vaseline) is freaking kryptonite and handle that.

And do not get me started on all the folks with twisted, yellow, jumbled, rock biter mouths. You know what, when your teeth are wrecked, my natural thought process is to assume that your breath stinks. Uh-uh, I can't...

And you know what? You shouldn't want me to either.

and the heat comes up...

Oh my god, is it just me or has the temperature dropped like 20 degrees in 2 minutes?? I always know that it's officially winter when instead of sunshine on my face the sound of the extra loud hood radiator spewing project heat wakes me up in the mornings. Sigh... thermal underwear, dry skin, and sporadic nose bleeds soon come. Don't be jealous.

But to be honest, I knew this moment was coming a couple of nights ago when I was standing around in some BK bar celebrating my Harlem homegirl/ workout partner Sharae's dirty 30th bday and it was FREEZING inside there. I mean seriously? Why was it cold inside the spot? When good company and a couple glasses of cheap champagne don't help to warm me up in the middle of a relatively full room of people (what you know about that Andre Champagne??), there's freaking problem. I guess this is why so many folks get pregnant during the winters. 'Cause mark my words- can't nothing good happen outside the crib when it's cold.

Stay warm people. Oh and if you get sick, no offense but puh-lease stay away from me.

Monday, October 20, 2008

i don't know you like that...

So funny, back in the day I was right there with the 20% of the folks bringing home every new person that they were dating within the first 3 months. Seemed like every Juan, Rick and Lamar rolled into Elsa's crib to say hello and give her a chance to lay eyes on them. But I had to cut that little habit out quick fast and in a hurry when my dearly beloved mother started unapologetically mixing up names, talking 'bout, "But Mitzi, you bring so many. How am I supposed to know?" Jesus.

So nowadays, like 45% of you, I'm all about the 6 months waiting period. That gives the boy just enough time to ditch the perfect 'representative' that shows up to wine and dine you for the first 3-5 months of the relationship (you know the period when he's absolutely perfect until he gets comfortable) and Elsa just enough time to forget the ex's name.

How-some-ever, as I get older, I swing more and more towards the more secretive side of the pendulum. And like the 25%, I'm starting to believe that there's no need for anyone new to meet my people until after a year. Cause really, it's hard out here. And hearing my mom tell me that there's "something she doesn't trust" about every single guy I bring around can be a little frustrating. It's like, damn Elsa can't you like anybody??

But there is a limitation to the stupidity. And I don't know about the 10% of you who are waiting until there's a ring. What if the person turns out to be a long lost relative or something? So now you're kissing cousins? That's so coal miner's daughter... Or worse, the creep who'll steal all our money and jilt you at the alter? Had your mom seen him/ her earlier, they probably could've foreseen all that. 'Cause you know parents are ALWAYS right.

Friday, October 17, 2008

the real reason they created restraining orders...

I know, I know, this poll question seemed like a no-win situation. Because realistically, for the majority of us bad credit and crazy co-parents are as my girl Nikki put it, "the equal deal breakers."
But sometimes in life, we gotta make the hard choices... And don't act like you haven't run up on the cutie that made you want to change your religion until he/she explained that they can't even purchase a new cell phone without a freaking $1500 security deposit or that the real reason they have 7 bolt locks on the door is b/c the ex keeps kicking it in. Mmm-hmmm...

Ultimately, it seems that if absolutely forced to make a choice, 54% of you considered crappy credit to be the worse of the two evils. Clearly current economic concerns are making us say "no thank you" to more than that new pair of Manolos, huh? Well, like that old R&B song said- 'ain't nothing going on without the rent.' And quietly, nowadays you won't even qualify to view let alone rent that exclusive Riverside Drive duplex penthouse suite, without stellar credit. Shoot, we can always lock up your ex but I ain't got 10 years to wait on you to get your car out of your auntie's name.

For the 46% willing to hire a fantastic financial advisor and hold your boo down till that money gets right, kudos. I definitely understand why you put your foot down on the crazy co-parent. Don't nobody need the phone ringing all times of the night or want folks jumping out of bushes kamakazi style. Sometimes there's just not enough room or group therapy in the world for three adults in one relationship. Unlike the terrorists who consider suicide bombing a ticket to heaven... everybody ain't able.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

home sweet home...

Ruby keeps peeing on my doormat.

My next door neighbor owns this unruly little chihuahua named Ruby who apparently thinks my doormat is her tinkle spot. Sigh.
Gladys keeps trying to convince me that Ruby does this because she loves me. But somehow, I'm not buying that. Although I guess it could be worse... I could live 3 doors down where the doorway is apparently her poop drop. I wonder how Ruby feels about them?

I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "Gross. Why doesn't she just buy herself a new mat and keep it moving?" But let me ask you this, what's the point of replacing it if Ruby is just going to strike again?? Huh, Sherlock?

My mom is always advising me, "Mitzi, you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar." Fine. So I won't go over there and shake the fire outta the little monster. (insert pout) But I am gonna need to figure out exactly how to diplomatically explain to my beloved neighbor- 'cause lord knows I love me some nosey Gladys who stays running off to a bingo game leaving behind her kindergarten dropout grandson, trifling 33 year-old son and the zoo of wild animals (she's got 2 dogs, 3 cats, a snake, mice, birds, fish and a turtle in her tiny 2-bedroom apartment)- that this little habit of Ruby's is not hot. At all.

Pray for me please.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

throwing the baby out...

When it comes to making the magic happen, it seems I'm not the only who thinks the second time had better be the charm. According to the first poll of the week, 44% of you were more than okay with cutting a partner off if the sex was still wack after an initial botched performance.

Interestingly, 33% admitted that you'd hang in between 3 to 9 attempts... Hmm, I wonder whether you're the "talk it through-teach him/her what I like" kinds? And if so, how's that really going for ya?

And God bless, the 16% of you who don't think sex is important enough to end a good relationship over. Either you got a mean hand/toy game or your nerves are way better than the mine...

But hands down, three snaps in a circle for the 5% of you who were over it after the initial encounter. And my friends think I have little patience for mediocrity. You yes, are my heroes.

didn't ciara already make a boy song...

Is it me or does it seem like Beyonce drops a new album every six months? No bump that, every damn quarter??? Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at Mrs. Carter's hustle but got-damn, can you please give us a chance to miss you? I mean just for a second?

How-sum-ever I can't completely hate since I'm definitely feeling one of the two first singles. But just between you, me and the wall; doesn't putting out TWO first singles seem like a lot?? It's like, seriously, stop being such a overachiever, tell Papa Knowles to back off and decide which one you really want to release. Good grief.

And um, NO, I am most certainly not jamming on the ones to the poorly disguised 2008 mosh-remix of 'Get Me Bodied' and 'Upgrade U' a.k.a 'Put A Ring On It.' For the record, if Swizz Beats gets just one additional dime for selling her back the same track he serviced her with not once but two times before on the last go 'round; that man deserves a platinum plated pimp cup... oh wait, he already earned that when he bagged A-Keys.

Not to mention, how many 'I'm an independent lady' anthems can a girl who has been coupled with some of the wealthiest African-American men on the planet for the majority of her dating life really put out and expect us to believe?? I mean, call it intuition but something tells me Sean wasn't talking about, let's go dutch... But that's just my opinion.

So anyhoo, on a more positive note I really like the 'If I Were A Boy' single. And it was definitely the artsy, blk/wht, trading places-esque themed, mini-saga/ music video that put a check in the win column for me. For the first time, I could actually see glimpses of her alleged acting chops. Of course, that probably had more to do with the fact that she spoke a grand total of four lines the entire five minutes and twenty seconds than any significant change. I'm just saying...

Check out the video and let me know what you think. Do you love the song? And more importantly, don't you really love her super cute white co-star???:

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

he forgot to take the tape...

So after 5 long days, I am happy to report that painter is finally gone. Like, gone, gone. Granted, whether his work can truly be considered "finished" is totally debatable but I'm just so happy not to see his hairy butt bent over my baseboards, I'll take it.
Now the hard begins- putting everything back. Because of course, now that I can actually see the true size of my apartment sans all the 4 years of crap I shoved in every corner, I don't want to put it all back.
But can I really just throw it out?? I mean, isn't it like a sin to waste even if I know that I will never, ever, ever, ever listen to that Crunk Hits Volume#2 CD that I got for free when I was the Entertainment Editor/ Bottom Bee-yatch? And even worse, what if rhinestone covered miniskirts with matching bandeau tops come back in style? Sigh.
And even more pressing, let's not forget about all the pictures and shelves that need to be put back up. Cause the ladies know- it's not like back in the day when you could call any of the many men in your life to come over and they'd instinctively know how to help. Right about now, the only thing guys seem to know how to tighten is in the bedroom and unfortunately, the satisfaction on that isn't always guaranteed.
Personally, I think Oprah should start some sort of service center, website, or 1-800-number that overwhelmed women like myself can call. You know like, 1-800-HELP-A-HO (or something catchy like that). And then, I could just rent a man that's got the necessary skills with a screwdriver and hammer to put my life back together all for the price of a smile and home-cooked meal. Yeah, that's exactly what she should do...
Until then, maybe I'll just leave everything exactly where it is and learn to love the little nook in that I've created in the middle of my living room. Thoughts?

Monday, October 13, 2008

bought a hanes four pack yesterday...

Well at least I know that I'm not the only who has given up trying to sustain the sexy 24/7... Like myself, 42% of you guys feel comfortable enough to break out the comfy cotton from the very beginning of the relationship; $70 La Perla nylon lace thongs be damned.
And while I respect the gangsta of the 14% of you still figuring out ways to stay in a thong or even the silk panties for the duration (or at least until you get that proposal and crossover to the other side), it seems everybody ain't able.
And just to clarify for the nonbelievers, comfy does not mean grandma. My low rise cotton bikini drawers are SUPER cute... even if they're not always an exact, exact match with the bra. Oh and trust, when the outfit or mood calls for it the kid is the first one logging on to (can I get an amen?)
However, for the most part my butt just wants to be held... and supported properly. And like momma always says-to own box be true (but nothing keeps the GYN away like a pair of breathable cotton undies).

Don't forget to log on and vote in the next poll!!!

Friday, October 10, 2008

being held hostage...

So apparently, things are going to take a little longer than the painter originally predicted and BIG SURPRISE, he won't actually complete the job until about Monday afternoon (read: Drama and I will be camped out in my bedroom underneath an apartment's worth of shit for the rest of the weekend).
I sure hope that when it's all said and done, this whole convoluted attempt to change the energy in my space brings a whole lot of productivity and cute boys with it. I'm just saying.

of course i read the newspaper...

Yes, I am aware of the fact that the world economy is going to hell in a hand basket. Yes, I realize that there are people losing their homes and chunks of life savings in a matter of moments. And yes, I know that at time like this we should all be buckling down and getting focused on the things in life that truly matter... But err-um, not for nothing, this morning all I wanna talk about is Britney.

Seriously, how excited am I to waste 90 minutes of my life watching this upcoming MTV "documentary" on the trainwreck that has been the former Mousekateer's life for the last two years??? Tentatively titled, 'For The Record: Britney Spears,' the doc follows Brit-Brit on her comeback trail and promises to address about what had happened to America's favorite Pinhead Pop Star. As Ms. Spears (if you nasty) so eloquently explains the super-duper extended brain fart during which she chopped off her hair, attacked the paparazzi with an umbrella, showed up at every event possible in a pair of brown knee-highs boots from the local Sunset Blvd Goodwill, traded underwear with strippers, performed at the MTV Awards hopped up on every sedative known to man and but of course, lost custody of her kids to the dirties white boy on the planet: "I'm a smart person, what the hell was I thinking?" I don't Brit know but I surely plan to find out.

Oh and no, I don't give a damn if the whole this is being orchestrated by her handler/ publicist/ manager/ personal savior Larry Rudolph (read: ain't nothing but an over-edited bunch of lies to brainwash us into buying her new album). The fact that there's a shot of her sans extensions preparing to have a wig slapped on shown in the trailer is enough to make MY LIFE!!!

MTV, November 30th, 10pm. It's Britney, BEE-YATCH!!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

as if you didn't have enuf to do ....

Heads up party people, mitzimoments now features a bi-weekly poll. So even if you've subscribed via email, there's STILL a good reason to fall through every single day (in addition to the checking out my adorable face).
Hopefully, you'll find my random questions as entertaining as I do (read: I've always been the kid who takes joy in asking the mildly inappropriate question and now I have a platform). And then just to put icing on the cake, I'll hit you with my take on what you think. 'Cause everybody knows that it really ain't fun till I poke fun at someone.

holding my breath...

Ok kids, the painting has finally begun... Of course, not without making an emergency run to my new 2nd home/ the DIY vortex/ Home Depot at 7.30am this morning. Because despite spending an entire hour and half contemplating every shade of beige, tan and brown known to man, I still managed to walk out with a color that looked like barf when I did my stripe pre-test (thank you Joan for the pre-test suggestion). SIGH.
Fingers crossed, it will all blend together from here on in. Get it, "blend"??? Ha.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

officially color retarded...

So after three and a half long years in my apartment, I am finally ending my love/ hate relationship with the eclectic, DIY decor theme (read: haphazard, whatever works) that I've assembled and completely redecorating all the major rooms. Recession be damned; I'm talking new paint, new furnishings, and an all over new grown and sexy attitude. Are you with me?
But I gotta tell you, your girl has absolutely ZERO home decorating skills and even less interest in the HDTV channel whatsoever. Like seriously, the very thought of the paint section of Home Depot gives me an anxiety attack. There are like a ka-zillion different shades of freaking white. How the hell an I supposed to know which one works best in my apartment??? Then there all these technical temperature terms- warm color, cool shade, etc, etc. And we haven't even started on the throw pillows and conversational pieces...MY GOD.
All I want to know is, where is my Martha Stewart gene? How come I can't figure out what subtle tones and what shades compliment each other just by looking at the paper swatches. And more importantly, why isn't it a good idea to paint my accent wall hot pink????

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

his brisket is beyond...

Oh my GOD, Sarah Silverman released what is by far the funniest get-out-and-vote-for-Obama video EVER. In what's being called The Great Schlep movement, Sarah encourages young liberal Jewish voters to get off their fat asses, fly to Florida and convince their grandparents not to screw Barack Obama over in the election just because his middle name is Hussein. I promise you, its so funny I started to snort!!
Just cause it made me so happy, not only am I providing a link but, I've also added the actual video at the very bottom of the page (so scroll down NOW). Oh and if you're Jewish or have a good Jewish friend, PLEASE pass it along. This election is WAY too important to be complacent...

Monday, October 6, 2008

i'm sure kelis had no idea...

So apparently OJ isn't the only one headed directly to the clink.

Earlier today, a Hong Kong jury dismissed an appeal by Nancy Kissel the American housewife (read: privileged white woman) has was convicted of murder and sent to prison for life after feeding her wealthy Merrill Lynch banker hubby a sedative spiked milkshake and then wait on it... clubbing him to death with a statuette. Then homegirl rolled his body up in a carpet and tried to hide him in a storage room. Too bad in real life, bodies decompose and the rancid smell of rotting flesh gave her away. EEWWWAAAA!
The 'Milkshake Murderess' as she has come to be known, has repeatedly tried to claim self-defense. But I'm thinking all that went through the window when the prosecution found out about the TV repairman lover waiting for her back in the United States.

Why is this so the next Lifetime movie of the week? I can see the title now...
Clubbed For Love.
Come on, you know I'm right...

Friday, October 3, 2008

yeah, you know me...

I lucked up on a ticket to last night's VH1's Hip-Hop Honors Awards. And although I'm not normally a fan of attending shows that are going to be taped for TV (too much down time changing sets, reading lines for commercials, and overall time inefficiency); I have to say it was really good.

Granted, I'm a huge fan of all the acts that were honored- Cyprus Hill, De La Soul, Slick Rick, Too $hort, and Naughty by Nature-so from the beginning I was excited. But what really put the night over the edge were how amazing the majority of the performances by the non-nominated artists. When Busta Rhymes came out dressed in the bright aqua knickers with a matching eye patch to perform a Slick Rick tune, I DIED. Scarface, Estelle, Q-Tip, Big Boi, Mos Def, Cee Lo, freakin' EPMD(!?!?)...
Oh when I tell you that Naughty by Nature ripped it DOWN with OPP?? I didn't even remember that I liked that song. But there I was singing along to every single word like it was 1991... loudly. Can I tell you, it feels so good to be old school!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

on the stroll...

It's that's time again (drum roll, please).....
The latest installment in my Essence Magazine certified, Publisher's Weekly praised, African American Literature Award nominated teen series HOTLANTA; IF ONLY YOU KNEW; is in bookstores nationwide RIGHT NOW. WooHoo! Yip-Pee! This is where the bottles pop and the crowds start chanting my name!! ;)

IF ONLY YOU KNEW continues the crazy, drama-filled adventures of ATL hotgirls Sydney and Lauren Duke- the 'flyest', wealthiest, 'it' girls Buckhead has seen in a loooong time. If you ain't know before, it's a page turner for all ages! If you watch The Hills, Gossip Girl, Baldwin Hills or any of the many scandalous young adult shows on television, you're gonna LOVE my book. And if you don't, you still love me and that should be more than enough.
So seriously, what I really, really, really need you do is, run, not walk or stroll to your nearest bookstore and purchase your copies IMMEDIATELY-one for you, your mom/aunt/sister/baby cousin and the closest teenager in your life. And then puh-lease, TELL SOMEBODY I DON'T KNOW to buy a copy. At $8.99 a pop, its the perfect birthday/ holiday/ everyday gift.

And if you're caught up inthe gas crisis, by all means, make your purchase online at amazon. Every sale counts, not to mention there's a free shipping incentive going on RIGHT NOW:

Keep it real, don't you like being able to say you know an author who's at the top of Amazon's bestseller list? Wouldn't you like to see me sitting on Oprah's couch talking smack?? Well if you support my books, that very well might happen. But if you don't... what you're gonna be saying is, I KNEW a writer who is now break dancing for dollars at the 34th Street/ Herald Square subway station.
And nobody wants that, right?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

a little housekeeping...

So as usual, I'm running a little behind on updating my peeps. Please blame it on my head, not my heart... Anyhoo, I am sad to say that Denene and I did not win the African American Literary Award for our category. Sniffle, sniffle... Although definitely disappointed, knowing that our work was worth a mention is reward enough (at least I'm sure that's what my mom would want me to say). But between you, me and the wall- the second book in the series is 100x better and it's on and popping the next time!