better than standing on a corner...

The recession is a bitch. But I gotta say, it does bring out the creativity in folks. Check out this video short that a friend of my girl Reena made about her life as a recent grad called- 'Hire Me.' It is SOSOSOSO freakin' cute.

I LOVE.

Oh and by the way, she's headed to NYC for a part-time fellowship at a film company in mid-February and REALLY needs a job. So if you can help, please do.

lookin' like he'd serve you cat in a NY minute...

I'll admit, with all the bi-partisan pacifying and Republican ass kissing, Team Obama was truly working my last nerves these past couple of weeks. Yeah, I said it.

But after taking the time to read last night's State of the Union this morning (I was out to dinner with one of the BFFs last night), it's safe to say my unabashed crush on President continues... Sigh.

In fact, I'm in such an upbeat mood, I won't ruin it by getting mired down in all the grisly details of the psycho illegal Chinese immigrant who repeated stalked the owner of a temporary employment agency, attacked with a hammer & knife, killed and ripped out her heart and lungs when the poor woman couldn't find him a job.

Mind you, dude had already been sent to El Paso, Tex., for deportation proceedings four years ago for attacking the same woman. But instead of immediately throwing Huang Chen out of the country, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement put him on supervised release and let him come back to NYC. *blank stare* Mmm-hmm, while ya'll worrying about some Mexicans who just wanna do yard work and take care of their families...

No. No sir, I WILL NOT give in to the dark side today (But feel free to read all about it here).

And let me say this- I sure hope all the Republicans and fake ass 'conservative' Democrats that were sitting their rolling there eyes and throwing shade as Barack implored them to create more jobs get wind of this tragedy. 'Cause times are hard on the boulevard and I assure you, the madness is not going to stop till folks catch a break.

you're a pig...

Wow. It never ceases to amaze me how bitterness, frustration and overall unhappiness can corrupt someone's moral character. Like seriously, it's not always easy being optimistic and positive. But the alternative is so damn frightening...

Case in point- Paul Shirley.

Apparently, this man was somewhat of a star basketball player at Iowa State that got drafted into the NBA for a very brief and not so noteworthy career that maxed out at 18 games and 33 points, with three different teams. And since then, has done nothing worth talking about except the occasional ESPN gig.

TRAGIC.

Clearly this is NOT how Mr. Shirley envisioned his life. And it's seems safe to say, Mr. Shirley is probably walking around with a whole lot of pent up aggression and resentment towards any and everyone because of his own unrealized dreams.

I'm just saying...

Because this could be the ONLY reason anyone in their right mind with an OUNCE of education (and I'm seriously questioning the validity of that Iowa State degree) or basic home training could possible believe/ concoct the ignorant ass reasons that he posted on flipcollective.com for NOT donating to the victims in Haiti. Check it out the highlights:

"I haven't donated a cent to the Haitian relief effort. And I probably will not.

I haven't donated to the Haitian relief effort for the same reason that I don't give money to homeless men on the street. Based on past experiences, I don't think the guy with the sign that reads "Need You're Help" is going to do anything constructive with the dollar I might give him. If I use history as my guide, I don't think the people of Haiti will do much with my money either.

After the tsunami of 2004, the citizens of the world wailed and donated and volunteered for cleanup, rarely asking the important – and, I think, obvious – question: What were all those people doing there in the first place? Just as important: If they move back to a place near the ocean that had just been destroyed by a giant wave, shouldn’t our instinct be to say, “Go ahead if you want, but you’re on your own now.”?

We did the same after Hurricane Katrina. We were quick to vilify humans who were too slow to respond to the needs of victims, forgetting that the victims had built and maintained a major city below sea level in a known target zone for hurricanes. Our response: Make the same mistake again. Rebuild a doomed city, putting aside logic as we did.

And now, faced with a similar situation, it seems likely that we will do the same."

He then continues the rant with this imaginary letter...

"Dear Haitians –

First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.

As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?

Sincerely,

The Rest of the World"

DEAD.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion but at the very least, please make sure you have all the facts. It's painfully clear that Paul Shirley has NO idea about the histories of ANY of the places that he so flippantly disregards nor has EVER a read a single world history book in his entire provincial life.

But on a more basic level, I'm just curious... who thinks like this? What kind of heartless individual could possibly witness ANY of these tragedies born out of NATURAL disasters- the tsunami, Hurricane Katrina or the Haitian earthquake- and then blame the victims? Who is your family Paul Shirley? Where does this type of disregard for human life breed? Or tell the truth, were you raised by wild ANIMALS??

I. Can. NOT.

PS. And I'm glad ESPN fired your dumb ass for this nonsense.

bout to become an addict...

Lemme find out someone at Time Warner reads my blog...

After an entire week of no cable (the fuse in the box blew when I plugged it back into the socket after being away) and no available service dates, I unexpectedly received a call from the customer service center. And what do you know? Because I only own one measly TV, the dispatcher informed me that they would be able to move my appointment up from Thursday the 28th to yesterday afternoon- WOO HOO!

So not only was I able to watch the Fantasia show craziness last night for the first time (why had no one put me on to the tomfoolery that is Tasia and her brother Teeny??) but thanks to a much belated upgrade in my cable plan, I used my new DVR service- don't judge me- to tape my long standing obsessions, Intervention and Hoarders.

Anyhoo, now that I've finally joined the new millennium, I need a list of shows to become addicted to... I already enjoy Modern Family but what are your thoughts on Community? Is anyone besides my girl Joan still watching Desperate Housewives? And what about Celebrity Fit Club? I haven't watched that in a couple seasons but since Sharr Jackson AND K-Faterline are contestants this go 'round, I'm kinda curious.

I'm just saying.

e for effort...

So did everyone see the celeb-packed Hope for Haiti Telethon? Really? Must be nice. Unfortunately, thanks to raggedy-ass Time Warner Cable, I didn't get to see SHIT. Nope, not a thing.

But thank God I have friends. So even when I'm unable to witness the well intended tomfoolery firsthand, my peeps are more than happy to run back and report on it. Thanks Mali!

Exhibit A: Madonna

Let's not even bother to discuss her increasing inability to even PRETEND like she can sing (although kudos on bringing in the big Black choir to serve as a distraction). I just want to know, What in the unholy-cut up and snatched back-hell happened to her face???

Why does Madonna look like 50 year-old washed out version Tila Tequila?

And my guess is that she just underwent this latest round of surgeries (yes plural), within the last couple of weeks. Why? Forget about smiling, if you watch closely (okay, not even that closely), you'll see that she's barely able to move her head from side-to-side. Not to mention, her face is still super shiny and swollen (hence, the missing cheekbones). Poor thang.

While I truly admire her willingness to come out of recovery to perform for the cause, I'm just not quite sure this was the best look for the Material Girl. No offense. Perhaps she should've just answered the phones...

Goodness gracious, it sure is hard keeping up with Demi Moore.

charge it to the game...

Okay here's the thing, when it comes to other folk's relationships, I do my damdest not to judge. If you like it, I love it. If you love it, I adore it. I don't know what compromises it takes for you to close your eyes and go to sleep peacefully next to that man/woman every night. And quite frankly, it's NOT my business.

With that said; while I will never advocate or co-sign on the act of sleeping with/ dating someone who is legally married, I'd be a fool to think it doesn't happen... Shoot, my some of the better people I know and love (heeey Dad!) have been perpetrators of this kind of selfish & thoughtless behavior. Unfortunately, it is what it is.

But by nature, humans are imperfect and bound to make mistakes. The important thing is: You live, you learn, in some cases you get divorced but above all you DISCREETLY move on.

Unfortunately, it seems that recently the concept of discretion has been lost on modern day women and men who practice of tricking. Sigh.

Exhibit A: The random ass, two-bit, former sidepiece of Charles E. Phillips -- president of tech conglomerate Oracle and wait on it... a member of Obama's Economic Recovery Advisory Board. Yeah, he's THAT dude. (Somebody throw me in the coffin NOW, please)

Apparently after Phillips finally ended the 8.5 year long affair in a last ditch attempt to save his family and reconcile with his wife, this bish went and paid at least a quarter million for several BILLBOARD SIGNS across the COUNTRY (3 alone are in NYC. Check it out on the corner of W. 52nd and Broadway) showing pictures of two all hugged up and canoodling with statements that read: Charles & YaVuaghnie... I will love you forever. "

WOAH.

Phillip, Phillip, Phillip... oh buddy, the HATE in my heart for you. 8.5 years? You done stepped out on your wife & kids for EIGHT & A HALF years with a triflin' chick crazy enough to plaster BILLBOARDS around the NATION?? Ultimately you are the one who's most responsible for this madness. And you deserve EVERY sleepless night of embarrassment you endure Mr. Super Exec and Obama Advisory Board Member. You sir, are an unbelievably worthless man.

How-some-ever, instead of billboards I wish she would've messengered this info in a LETTER to every board member at Oracle and the Advisory board. Instead, his wife and kids must suffer this a heartbreaking public humiliation. Cause be clear, no matter what her reasons for staying in this train wreck of a situation, this woman has to wake up every day and swallow the fact that the man she married clearly didn't love her enough to protect her and her children. And that is a bitter pill I hope that no one I care about EVER has to swallow.

And as for YaVaunie (and every other adultress reading this):

Hello??? YOU are the other woman. You know, as in NOT THE WIFE. Stay your no self-esteem having/ trashy-behind in ya lane! I don't care how many times he says he loves you, you are not special. And no ho, they DON'T LEAVE their real families. So, stop trying to drag his entire everybody down in the crazy!

Plastering 3-foot tall billboards is not going to change ANYTHING. You WILLINGLY wasted 8.5 years of your life on someone not worth the phlem on the sole of your shoe. That was YOUR FAULT! Further embarrassing yourself buy putting up these signs and a website dedicted to the relationship is TRAGIC and PATHETIC.

And if it was MY damn husband? The Lord knows I'm trying to be a better person but... After I leave him scarred, penniless, and living in fear for his life under a ROCK somewhere, please believe I'm coming to kick your ass too!

Bet on that.

not so friendly skies...

So really quickly can I tell you how crazy my JetBlue flight back to the US was?

Like real, talk? I thought I was gonna DIE. And before you assume that I'm just being over dramatic, just know that JetBlue just issued every passenger on the flight a $50 credit towards their next flight on the airline because the situation was so crazy. Okay?

So essentially what had happened is our plane unexpectedly hit a cross gulf airstream. Now normally when this occurs there's a bit of turbulence but the airplane (which is going faster) gets through it. Apparently, this cross stream was a tad stronger than expected. Now, when I tell you it felt like the plane hit a BRICK WALL?? Seriously? It felt like the plane bounced back off of a wall and then straight dropped down a couple hundred feet!

Yo, I was so freaked out, big fat tears just started involuntarily popping outta my eyes. And it take A LOT to make me cry.

Between the TVs/ lights going out, the grown ass man sitting next to me, screaming "Oh my god, we're over the ocean, we're still over the ocean!" over 'n over, and the woman two seats behind who was hysterically hyperventilating at the top of her lungs, I was DONE. All I could think about was the number of senseless tragedies that have been happening (and how much I did NOT wanna die with a bunch of random folks around me)....Oh and the fact that I didn't bother to call my mom before we took off. #worstdaughterintheworld

I don't think I've ever been so happy to land at JFK in my LIFE! And while I appreciate the $50 credit, I don't know ya'll, I really don't know... this might be my year to get very familiar with trains and automobiles.

its your lucky day...

Drumroll please!

And according to random.org the winner of the MitziMoments 'Better Booty in 2010' giveaway is...

CANNON!!

Congrats my dear! May your new curvy bootleg GAP jeans give your butt the extra lift & umph we all desire!

To receive your prize, please email your mailing info to: mitzimoments@gmail.com

*For the record, the original winner of this contest was actually my fabulous friend and co-author Denene Millner. But since, I already know how ya'll conspiracy/ life-is-a-hook-up folks think, I snatched the prize back and had the computer pick another number. Sorry 'Nene...

the tribe has spoken...

Just when you thought there was no commonsense at work in the world (Um, hello Massachusetts?) look how God will surprise you.

Remember my post about the nasty old 61 year-old geezer who slapped some poor 2-year old silly for crying in the Stone Mountain, GA Walmart? Well guess what? That fool was sentenced to ONE YEAR in jail!!

*and the choir starts to hum and sway*

But wait on it... My favorite part of the sentencing, was his defense attorney's statement, "He's absolutely amazed this incident took on such Goliath proportions. He never in his wildest imagination believed it would mushroom into this."

DEAD FISH EYES

Okay... So essentially what you're saying is that this grown ass man thought he could snatch up a stranger's child, slap the baby 5-6 times and then just keep it moving to the checkout line?

CRICKETS

I'm starting to believe that kind of tomfoolery deserves its own category of criminal charges. You know, something like, reckless sense of entitlement while operating under the influence of ignorance. Yeah. Just. Like. That.

linda carter who?

OMG, I think I just discovered who Beyonce has been stealing all of her recent leotard-clad video moves from.Umm-hmmm... Ladies and gents, I present to you- Miss Tandi Dupree!

DEAD.

Now if the intro doesn't send you into spasms, please just wait on her little jog down the runway around 2:38 min.

AND STINKING.

When I tell you the fabulous Miss Dupree gave me LIFE on this dreary Tuesday morning??? Trust, I'm headed to the nearest costume store as you read this. Please do not be alarmed if you happen to see me sometime soon high-kicking and plopping down into splits at the drop of a dime on a corner near you.

You know, just for shits and giggles.

every little bit counts...

There's a lot of information out there about how and what to donate to Haiti. Which is good but unfortunately, can be a little overwhelming.

For those who'd like to do a little bit more than send $5 by texting Wyclef's non-profit Yele at 501501, check out community activist, writer and former Real World cast mate Kevin Powell's website.

Not only does Kevin's site provide a list of credible organizations to donate money, there's a list of specific supplies that are needed (water, water, water, food, toiletries and clothes) as well as sources of information on the history of Haiti (which will make it more clear why this disaster is such a tragedy).

While the outlook may look really grim, it's not over yet... get informed and please stay involved!

being a better person in 2010...

After a jam-packed weekend in the hot Barbados sun and a HARROWING flight home (which I will describe in greater detail later), I'm back! And just in time to properly celebrate Martin Luther King Day with a day of service.

So I, along with three of my girls will be forsaking our warm beds and joining the illustrious non-profit Hip Hop 4 Life at MS 424 Hunts Point Middle School in the Bronx as they paint inspirational murals, build bookshelves, cubbies, desks and mural benches for libraries & classrooms as well as pack food for those in need. 'Cause not for nothing, at the end of the day, prayers are helpful but some back-breaking work goes a really, really long way.

Hope you too are somewhere doing something more to honor Dr. King and his legacy than scooping up the MLK Day sales... *dead fish eyes*

i second that emotion...

Praise God my flight into Barbados went off without a hitch or even a single crying ass baby!

So now I'm here and slowly settling in. You know, it takes a minute to unwind from the New York state of mind. Plus it prob didn't help that I damn near got arrested at the customs counter for not knowing the exact name of my host hotel. Who knew it was that serious? Sigh. Don't judge me.

For the record, press trips are always a gamble when it comes to the group of journalist that you're going to be stuck with for said amount of days. But I'm relieved to report that I'm in the company of some seriously hilarious females writers. My faves, Tracy a.k.a @wonkabar is a young upstart at the new Honeymag.com (ain't life ironic?) and Charay a.k.a @mamazun writes for some travel mag but more importantly, she's a spoken word poet who swears that her cadence has nothing in common with what we remember from Love Jones (oh please believe, I've been throwing mad side-eye on that ALL day 'cause Lord knows I can't stand the power-to-the people/ oil 'n incense/ bull'ish).

I forsee lots of tomfoolery over the next couple of days....

And as if the blue skies, ridiculous rum punch and making MORE new friends wasn't enough, for the first time I watched Smokey Robinson perform live! Woah. That blue-eyed brother is the truth. His show was like 2.5 hours cause the catalog is so sick. And I'm not even gonna get into the outfit changes. From the shiny baby blue suit to the bright red leather pants to the ... let's just say the man is an entertainer. I'll be snapping my fingers and humming 'My Girl' for a hot min.

Sing it with me now....

up, up and away...

I suck at packing.

No matter how early I begin, inevitably, I will always wind up throwing the last items into my bag and rushing out the door with moments to spare-if that. So needless to say, I've only got about 10 minutes to gush about how excited I am to be headed to Barbados for the weekend to check out the island and attend the annual Barbados Jazz Festival. Fingers crossed it will be LOTS of fun and tomfoolery to report.

Shout out to Nicole for inviting me to the Rih-Rih concert where I met the representative from the Barbados Tourism Board Director. Now that's what friends are for!



And while you're waiting to hear back from me, please be sure to vote in the Mitzi Moments Better Booty in 2010 giveaway and PRAY from the people of Haiti/ Dominican Republic. 7.0 on the Richter scale is no joke and they need all the positive energy (and monetary donations) we can spare.

should've been somewhere singing...

Psst! Psst! Aye yo Usher, lemme holla at you right quick?

So yeah, the last time I checked, the new millenium Great Depression was bearing down on our country. Folks who have never wanted for anything are suddenly struggling and looking for a quick and easy score and that's to say nothing of those who started on the fringe. In light of this (pretty common) information, what in the world would make you or ANY OTHER IDIOT leave $1 million dollars of jewelry & electronics and wait on it... an additional $50K of furs inside a parked car??

And no, I don't care that you left it in front of a busy shopping mall! Dummy.

Like seriously? According to personal friends that live in the nicer ATL-area, negroes are kicking in doors and jacking cars from driveways in the broad daylight on some real reckless 80's type ish. And you wanna try the people with diamonds and furs? C'monSON! Even if the economic climate doesn't affect you personally, Im'ma need you to pick up a newspaper, turn on the news and be aware of what's happening around you.

I'll admit, normally I find these this type of tomfoolery entertaining. But this time, I really hope this story isn't true. 'Cause this may sound horrible but if it is true, I hope your dumbass doesn't get a freaking DIME from the insurance company. If you have so much surplus that it doesn't occur to take good care of it, please don't cry me no crocodile tears after the fact.

Word.

better booty in 2010 giveaway...

It may be a new and improved year but there's one thing about me that will never change- I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE giving good gifts to folks that work hard.

So to indulge my inner philanthropist and because I'm all for giving better butt in 2010, I'm gifting one lucky Mitzi Moments reader with a gift certificate for a FREE PAIR OF GAP JEANS.

Consider this additional motivation to stick with those New Year personal weight loss goals ('cause based on the comments, not one of you is trying to go down the celibacy path with me) and also a small thank you for sticking with me through all the rants and raves of 2009.

Here's what you've got to do:

MANDATORY

• Visit the gap.com and leave me one comment telling me which pair of jeans you're going to use your gift certificate to purchase.

• Be/Become a Mitzi Moments subscriber (you MUST verify your email subscription to qualify).

FOR EXTRA ENTRIES (please leave separate comments for each)

• TWEET "I just entered the @MitziMoments Better Booty in 2010 giveaway for a free pair of GAP Jeans. http://tinyurl.com/yzlpuzl"

• BECOME a Mitzi Moments Member through Google follower on site OR get the Mitzi Moments RSS feed HERE (leave an additional comment letting me know you’ve done so, and include an email address so that I can contact you if you win).

• FOLLOW @mitzimoments on Twitter (send me a direct message letting me know you've done so).

• BLOG about this giveaway.

• JOIN the official Mitzi Miller Author/ Journalist/ Opinionated Personality Facebook Fan Page HERE (leave a comment on the FB page letting me know you've done so).


THIS CONTEST ENDS AT 11:59 P.M. on MONDAY, JANUARY 18, 2010. THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON THURSDAY, JANUARY 21, 2010. It is open to residents in the continental U.S. and Canada. The gift certificate is good for one free pair of Gap jeans with a value up to $69.50 at any Gap, GapKids or babyGap retail store.

going (not-so) hard...

As much as I love making them, New Year's Resolutions tend to be a big fat pain in the arse to keep.... ESPECIALLY the one where I promise to workout more regularly and eat healthy foods. Don't ask why but somehow or the other, I always wind up on my couch scarfing down an order of McDonalds greasy (but oh so yummy) fries. Sigh. Those things are dusted with crack I tell you.

But this year is different.

And to prove how committed I am to once and for all achieving this lifestyle change, I'm upping the ante: As of January 7, 2010, I, Mitzi Miller am officially shutting down shop and going celibate until I lose these annoying ass 8lbs that have been hanging around my face and waist since September. Damn you Prednisone.

Mmm-hmm, just like that.

I'm officially on a mission to reclaim my waistline and get these shakey-bakey thighs back under control PRONTO. And you know what they say... if you can speak it you can achieve it. Mind you, I don't know if 'they' ever tried giving up sex but we shall see.

Pray for me (and my libido)...

spare me the tell-alls...

I hate to admit it but, I do believe 2009 left me completely void of empathy for the celeb shenanigans. Go figure.

Sure, there was a small part of me that felt shocked when I heard about Gilbert Arenas's simple ass pulling a gun out on his teammate over a gambling debt. But an even greater percentage of my response was very whatever. Like, that's the best you got Gilbert? No offense.

And trust, I had even less of a response to Jayson Williams' latest DUI induced car crash early Tuesday morning or Mariah Carey's drunken acceptance speech at the 2010 Palm Springs International Film Festival last night.

Yeah, after giving it some thought, what I'd really like to see in 2010 is a lot less basic bloopers and silly stunts and a whole hell of a lot more of celebs doing their freaking jobs. You know, ENTERTAIN me.

It sure would be nice to have an exciting championship series or even a fabulous album to discuss... I'm just saying.

made my month...

Seriously? As a woman, there's little in life better than receiving an unexpected compliment on your hair. Okay, well then again, there might a couple of things but very few can I do on my own.

*dead fish eyes*

So needless to say, it totally made my day when the Lenora the woman behind Newbie Natural Diva blog selected me to be the Natural Beauty of the Month!

Awwww. Thank you, thank you very much! You're far too kind!

Be sure to check out my naps (and their backstory) in their full glory here:

www.newbienaturaldiva.blogspot.com

making greyhound look sexy...

How ridiculous is it that Joan Rivers got bumped off her flight from Costa Rica because security thought that she was a terrorist? Seriously? The old decrepit white woman with waaaaay too much plastic surgery and a horrible ash blonde dye job? I can't. Between you and me, I think Joan was probably being a pain in the ass and the chick at Continental was like, "Oh yeah bitchy old lady? I'll show you." Mmm-hmm... just. like. that.

But honestly, it still behooves me why everyone in the entire world should suffer this ridiculous backlash because a bunch of lazy ass fools who work for the airport (who were most likely annoyed that they had to work on Christmas) screwed up on the job. Instead of coming up with a bunch of additional rules, wouldn't the smart thing to do have been to FIRE every employee that was working security and missed the mark that day?

I'm just saying. Obviously they never mastered the old rules. So what, you're going to try and tack on MORE information? Do the math.

Sigh. Friendly skies my behind...

so this is what a pantie-sniffer looks like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know today is the first work day of the new year/ decade but I gotta tell you- I'm so not for ready it. Seriously, I think my body may need another 24 hours to recover from the non-stop tomfoolery of the 2009 holiday festivities and this damn head cold that I seem to have picked up on Saturday night. Sigh.

Guess I still need to learn when to say when...

But before I go back to bed to stage a much-needed do-over, I wanted to share the news story about the ex-mayor of Lancashire in England who recently confessed to breaking into women's homes and what? Stealing their underwear. *blank stare*

Mmm-hmm, apparently homeboy's pantie raid lasted from January to June of last year. And at one point, it got so bad that not only were women going to the police about the number of missing garments but one woman actually went so far as to install a hidden camera in her bedroom. Can you imagine?

Uh-uh, Jesus take the wheel...