Wednesday, January 14, 2009

the more things stay the same...

Question- do Black people really date? Oh yeah? I don;t know, I'm not always convinced...

I vividly remember back in the day when I lived in CT and attended a primarily white school. Any number of my female white classmates, would go out of these mythical "dates" with a Tom on Friday, meet-up with Dick after the hockey game on Sat and then study with Harry on Wednesday. And wonders of all wonders, everyone knew about it on Monday. But none of the three guys was remotely upset or even called her a slut-bag because she was what? DATING. And god bless her heart, she wasn't required to be exclusive and chose to see as many guys as a weekend could hold.

Now take that same scenerio amongst the African -American students. Let's say Shaniqua kicked with Tyrone on Friday, hung out with DaQuan at the roller rink on Sat and met up with Marcell on Sunday after church. And same way, by Monday morning everyone would know. BUT, in this case the ENTIRE school would be calling her a two-bit trick. By the Monday afternoon, Tyrone would've beat Daquan ass and gotten suspended for two weeks. Then after the final bell rang, Marcell's two sisters (that went to the other high school across town for juvenile deliquents) would've arrived to cuss poor Shaniqua out for trying to be cute and playing their baby brother out.

Laugh all you want, you know I'm right.

So now fast forward a bit and tell me this... is it because of the aforementioned unspoken but widely accepted black dating rule that the majority of us are conditioned to deal with only one person at a time? And more depressingly, even as supossedly mature adults we continue to behave like we OWN (lock, stock and shackled) every person we've ever dated years after the break-up?

It must be. Cause this the ONLY rational reason that I can conjur up with to explain why 60% of you would get pissed off if a JUMP-OFF decided to seriously date your friend.

Forreal, forreal? That wasn't your soulmate... that's an individual that you had sex with during creep hours. You know, the one that you wouldn't bother to call because a simple 'What's good?' text was more than enough to get the party started. Mmm-hmmm. So then tell me, how in the world do you earn the right to feel aways because they genuinely like your friend and want to date her/him? Uh-uh save your breath. I don't care how you wanna spin it, you're a hater.

Or maybe I grew up around too many pinktoes... Because I'm so with the 39% who could give a crap what a booty buddy does after I'm finished with the situation. I've have always believed in the throwaway theory- one woman's trash is another woman's treasure. There is no need to hoard any of the eligible jump-offs in the world. If he's worth the trip across town, you really only need one at a time anyway.

Besides, I'm too busy trying to meet my Mr. Right. With any luck, dating you will keep that fool from texting me again. Okay?


  1. First, I love that you use the term "pinktoes"!!! I have a country NC friend who says that all of the time too.

    I'm with you though, I could care less what a get busy buddy was doing after we finished knocking. I mean, that's what you get a relationship for. Otherwise, why are you keeping tabs? I'm young, I need to date. I need to see what's out there. I want to settle eventually, but damn! It's too much fun to have options. Staying safe still, of course.

  2. I agree!! Unless this was a man I was engaged to, was in a relationship with for about 3 years or have a child with, any other man I was with is fair game to my friends.

    I have a friend who got mad at me once because a guy she went on a date with 3 years prior (no kiss or sex) called me. I didn't know she knew him and she didn't even remember his name!! She is such a HATER!! We don't speak to this day because of that.

  3. I'd be mad if it was someone that I was really serious about, and was with for years, etc.

    I've had the same situation as Anonymous where I lost a good friend. She started a dating a good friend of mine (I connected them) and they had a falling out after about a month. I starting dating the friend I hooked up her with; things happen when you've known someone for a long time. I was honest with her b/c I figured she should find out from me. After a bunch more drama, we don't speak anymore.

    I believe, and live by, honesty being the best policy. I still stand by it.

    We (of all colors) are socialized to have these hangups about ownership of people. I used to have those issues something serious. But I realized that I needed to keep it moving and we can't hoard people.

  4. One time for that unmistakable "What's good?" text! LOL.

  5. Girl, we've had two years of discussion of how I feel about this post so need to recap here. But thank you, seriously for pointing out how mindlessly posessive and obsessive getting territorial over your jump-off is. Not too mention that you also end up as "the bitch is crazy" brunt of all his friends when he's retelling the story over drinks with his boys. And trust he's retelling the story cuz the ego stroke is irresistible. And to that 60%? It's not your heart that's hurt. It's your ego. Is that really worth losing a friendship over?

  6. Yeah well some people treasure trash more than others. We tend to get comfy wit jump-off for conveience, as time permits if its nothing but sex it'll play out anyway or face the dredded ATTACHMENT. As far as friends go never wife the JUMP-OFF!

  7. I agee it's ok to pass them around. Look black men as too scare to try and hoard. get over it!