Okay normally there is nothing funny about a suicide. I repeat, nothing funny. But the keyword in the previous phrase would be NORMALLY. Yesterday afternoon, a 50 year-old woman jumped to her death from the third floor of the Queens Center Mall atrium and wait on it... LANDED on a 17 year-old high school kid down below!!
Apparently Derrick Munoz and his girlfriend were reclining in some leather massage chairs when 'ole girl landed dead on his head and knocked him THE FUCK OUT. Mmm-hmmm... And you know Jesus got jokes when the sign on the back of the chair said, "Sit back and relax."
Not SIT BACK and RELAX!!!
OK, on the forreal, forreal, who does something like this? Who jumps over the banister in a crowded mall? And from the 3rd floor? Come on now ma, you weren't even going hard. I know you know somebody with a balcony on the top floor of one of those 30-story project housing buildings. If it's your last statement, why not make it count? Sigh, unbelievable.
Thankfully, poor Derrick finally regained consciousness in the ambulance en route to the hospital. And aside from a large gash on his head there were no other visible signs of injury.
Ding, ding, ding...
People jump all the time at Time Warner Center and you rarely hear about it. Times are hard out here. But the all of the ironic details in this case are SNL worthy
ReplyDeleteThis is literally right around my house. I found out about this story on the bus ride home yesterday form two tween girls who witnessed this woman jump. They were flapping their gums with excitement and horror the whole ride to my place. But...I had to admit..I was sopping up this story with a biscuit..
ReplyDeleteDang, my Dad lives over there... I can't imagine witnessing that... That's crazy... I read that hse took off her shows first...This economy is no joke. Truth of the matter is, being in that chair probably saved his life... if he had been standing and his head hit the floor, he might have been gone...
ReplyDeleteLOL OMG TOOOOO much.
ReplyDelete