Friday, April 3, 2009

she is the boss of me...

Oh wait, so lemme tell you what I did this morning... 

Instead of getting my butt up and working on the never ending pile of receipts that need to be added up before my Sunday afternoon appointment with my new tax preparer, my dumb ass decided to attempt to groom my dog. 

Mind you, Drama is not, I repeat, is NOT a small DOG. The only time she was light enough for me to carry her was the very first week she came to live with me.  And I swear, after those first 7 days, I was like uh-uh you gots to sit your big ass on the floor. So now, at almost 12 years old, the last thing her sleep-fart-eat behind wants to do is hold still while I fumble around with some pathetic little brush. Okay?

But I was determined to be economically conscience and save myself the $90 by brushing/ bathing her myself. I mean, in these tight times every little bit counts right?

Okay so, I'm an idiot. 

After two whole hours of brushing and begging her to stay still (cause she may not run but she certainly will lay the hell down) and brushing, my white tile kitchen floor looks like a black shag carpet.  The airborne pet danger is making me wheeze like a dying asthmatic. And worse of all, that fat hooker still stinks. Sigh. I'm done. the rest of  my day will now be spent cleaning up the huge mess I've just created.

It's official- the Lord don't like a cheap ass.


  1. i cut and wash my own dogs. It only takes practice. Drama will learn how she should position herself every time you cut her if you keep forcing her into position. But homegirl is old and her bones are weary you may need to put her behind on a table and go from there. Wait, you can't lift her. hmmmm....get down on your knees and stop acting like that position is foreign to you! lmao.

    The real Mini-me

  2. See? EXACTLY. My friends straight clown my ass for getting my dog groomed, but uh, uh, I can't. He's too hairy. And, like Drama, he lays down in protest, so I can't do what I need to get done. And to avoid having him smell like ass all day, every day, I fully recognize I need to leave it to the professionals. That's a $65 expense worth EVERY penny.

  3. You have to get her in the bathtub with a hose attachment for your shower. If you reward her with a cuban sammy from El Nuevo Latino or Floridita for good behaviour. her greedy ass'll figure it out quick.

  4. OK. But my question is WHERE did you "bathe" Drama?!? Not in yo tub -- right??? I've seen your dog. And I can't even sympathize w/you on this one. You set yourself up!

  5. My Pointers are 12&6&can say that I have done it myself one time.The doggies can be extremely uncooperative!!!