I KNEW I should've stayed my vain self at home on Sunday night, enjoyed the unseasonable warm weather and minded my bid-ness. But NO. There I go, worrying about this godforsaken bridesmaid dress that I have to squeeze my ass into in exactly 23 days... and I decide to drag my butt to a 6.30p bikram class.
Well wait on it... don't you know some worthless ass heifer STOLE my damn flip-flops from the friggin' studio??
Uh-huh, you read that right: Just like hilarious episode of Sex And The City, where Carrie grudgingly goes to the baby shower and her gorgeous pair of silver Manolo Blahniks get ganked, my BRAND NEW black flip-flops were G-O-N-E.
(Insert image of me doing the most not to lose my shit on all the hippy ass pink toes standing around at the moment of discovery talking about, 'are you sure you wore them here? Did you look carefully? Oh, I'm sure it was just an innocent mistake.')
Innocent mistake my ass! I even waited until every last person had come to retrieve their shoes- just to see what was left (and quietly, still hoping the person might return with my shoes) Well, guess what? There wasn't ONE pair of shoes left. NOTHING. NADA. Translation: that dirty mo-fo took theirs AND mine.
OMG, who does that? Sure its a recession, times are hard but MY GOD. Who steals flip-flops in 2009??
But Jesus be a neurotic black woman and her shower shoes... because despite all the side-eye that I catch for wearing flip-flops in the communal shower stall(apparently, they encourage folks to go barefoot to reduce the amount of outside dirt), at least my ass had something to wear go home.
Otherwise, picture me stepping out onto 145th Street barefoot!!! Shiiiiitttt! No maam, not even on a damn dare...