Monday, March 31, 2008

there is hope for the youth...

Okay, I know I'm all late with it BUT something this good worth repeating over and over again.
So apparently, a 12-year old was arrested about a weeek ago for throwing a rock through the windsheild of Soulja Boy's tour bus.
As if that wasn't enough to put a small smile on your face...
When asked why he threw the rock. He replied simply-" I hate Soulja Boy."
OMIGOD, I am peeing on myself right now!!!!! I think I love this kid. He has single-handedly restored my faith in the future of hip-hop.

why the naacp won't ever see a penny from me...

So you may or may not remember this news story that broke a couple of months ago...
A Haitian woman who recently moved to West Palm Beach, FL was the victim of a home invasion. According to the news, NINE masked teenage boys, kicked in the door of the apartment where she lived with her pre-teen son. Over the course of several hours, they physically assaulted her and her son (they beat both, broke a plate over the kid's head and then poured cleaning chemicals in his eyes), gang-raped her, forced her to perform oral sex on her own child and then tried to set them on fire.

As is the case with many recent immigrants, local kids in the 'hood had been systematically bullying/ beating the crap outta the kid b/c of his distinct accent and out-of-style clothing. Officials believe that the home invasion was meant to further terrorize the boy and possibly rob the home. But when the mother tried to fight back and protect her child it took this horrific turn.

Mind you, this poor woman lives in the largest and most dangerous (naturally) projects in Miami. She is surrounded by people at ALL times. And NOT one person came to her aid. NOT ONE. After the fact, neighbors admit hearing her screams but cited fear of retalliation as their reason for not calling the police. WTF? I'm confused. Criminals have super sonic hearing and will know if you dial 911?

Of the nine teenagers that commited this crime only two have been apprehended. One has plead guilty.

As if this wasn't enough to make you vomit in your mouth...

Al Sharpton and locals members of the NAACP are now rallying behind the ACCUSED boys. Yes, you read that correctly. Fat ass Al is down in Florida talking about, 'its not right that these boys haven't been granted bail.' Apparently there was a similar situation involving a group of white kids that gang raped some girl and they were granted bail.
Ummmmmmm newsflash- the white kids didn't force the girl give her own father a blowjob.

If I never hear about Al Sharpton or the NAACP again, it will be too soon. Bail? Those teenagers are ANIMALS. They should be locked under the jail. There are no words. I just don't understand how we can hate ourselves this much.

Read it and feel free to cry. I know I did::

Friday, March 28, 2008

damn ma...

Okay before I even begin to light into Remy Ma's behind, I need to quickly toot my own horn. This morning I completed my last day of boot camp!!! WOO HOO. I am super psyched about the results- the thighs are looking halfway decent and the tummy is back under control. Note, I did not say anything was 100% right, but it's back under control. So I won't have to be sucking it up the next time you guys see me on the Food Network.
Okay, back to the tomfoolery of the day. Now I wasn't even going to say anything about the disaster that is Remy Ma's life right now. But then I was listening to Hot 97 and happened to hear the DJ complain that Remy didn't even have a chance to say good-bye to her 8 year-old son or get her papers in order before they carted her off to jail. Didn't even have a chance? Um, not for nothing, did she not know she was on trial for manslaughter for the past 6+ months??? Come on folks, stop supporting the self-sabotoge.
Remy reminds me of the teenage girls who get pregnant, pretend that its not happening to them and wanna flush babies down the toilet at their junior prom. TOTAL DENIAL.
When I heard about Remy's conviction from Lil' Lisa and then read about the ensuing fall out in the courtroom- so much for being hardcore, huh?-my first thought was... well she did admit getting into 'ole girl's car and shooting her point blank in the stomach, no? So why the surprise? As Melissa so kindly reminded me this morning, 'she probably confused being famous in her neighborhood with something that mattered.' Unfortunate.
Don't get me wrong, I feel horribly for Remy. The one time I had the pleasure of interviewing her, she was nothing but nice. And I def jammed out to the 30-minute all Remy dedication they mixed and played in her honor this morning during the Morning Show. But the bottom line? I'm going to need people who have an opportunity to do better to appreciate that shit. It's one thing if someone stole your last dime, the day before you were about to be evicted from your home and now you had to hit the stroll to work it out. But that's hardly the case. Remy is facing 5-25 years behind bars over the amount of money that she probably spent popping bottles at the club last week. Tragic.
Not for nothing, I know Lil' Kim is somewhere laughing her ass off right now.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

who needs cable....

So last night, we had an old school style/ kick in the door/ bring in the dogs style police raid in my apartment building. I'm sorry, let me clarify- in the apartment directly above mine.
Around 10.20p, just as I was hunkering down for a much needed night of sleep, there's this humungous BOOM, all kinds of screaming and a man screaming- "THIS DA POLICE!!! EVERYBODY GET DOWN!! EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR!!"
So naturally, my nosey ass shot straight to the front window where in less than 20 secs, ten police cars pulled up-on the sidewalk- blocking traffic from both directions and countless policemen were running up in my building like a bad episode of COPS. Straight drama.
I watched out my window for the next 15 minutes as a pitiful parade of at least 10 kids were lead out and around the corner single file (just so you know, my building is adjacent to one of the largest predincts in upper Manhattan) to jail. It was so sad. All these little knuckleheads that I've come to depend on to open the front door when I can't find my keys, carry my grocery bags when I'm overwhelmed and more importantly give the very necessary "you looking good" head nod whenever I step out; gone just like that.
This morning when I left my apartment, everything was eerily quiet. There wasn't one bleary-eyed hooded wanna be thug pulling his pants up as he struggled in from a hard night's work or a single offering of 'god bless you mami' to start my day. Sigh, this gentrification thing is working my nerves.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

too much time on her hands...

Okay, let me start off by saying that while I'm not necessarily the biggest Demi Moore fan, I do respect the old broad's gangsta for making a potentially criminal offense (screwing someone at least 20+ years her junior) look sexy.
How-some-ever, there is a limit to the stupidity. And Demi my dear, you have officially reached it.
In her ongoing twisted attempt to never visibly age (read: 40 plastic surgery operations later), now homegirl is doing cleansings with LEECHES. Apparently she was all up on Letterman (in support of her new movie Flawless- tad ironic, no?), explaining how her new thing is allowing leeches to suck on her belly buttton. And while it was definately "uncomfortable," Demi 'no pain no gain' Moore insists that all it took was a little Lamaze breathing to help her make it through.
I'm just unclear, is she saying leech bites that hurt as much as childbirth (because that is the purpose of learning Lamaze breathing techniques, correct?) is a good thing?? Survey says, NOT.
I mean seriously, is growing old gracefully that bad?
Read all about how leeches don't like pubic hair and behave like little drunks after they've finished gorging on you:

Monday, March 24, 2008

just like that...

Um, once again I'm experiencing that strange sensation where I regret that I don't watch TMZ news or read the tabloids enough. Who knew Corrine Bailey Rae was married? I thought homgeirl was like, 17 years old. Tell the truth, didn't you? Lord Jesus. And now her 31 year-old husband Jason Rae has been found dead? From a drug over dose? Sigh, it's barely 9am and I'm already tapped out.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

still not working on the essence assignment...

Okay dead serious, Kate Beckinsale is my new absolute favorite famous white girl (sorry Brit-Brit)!! I just read the most honest and hilarious Q&A from a working white celebrity that I've come across in like, forever. And I specify working because as soon as they become non-working D-listers, we can't seem to get them to shut da hell up (read: Tori Spelling, Jessica Simpson, et al.).
Homegirl said that she'd rather eat a vagina than sushi!!! Then continues to keep it real by admitting that since she doesn't drive, she basically bums rides everywhere from her friends and family. How-some-ever, and I quote, "the more kept I get the less cute it is." Did this WG just acknowledge that she's kept woman? LOVES it.
Read the rest:

Friday, March 21, 2008

i choose the stroll...

So I'm sitting here thinking about the Elliot Spitzer ho-train debacle and the new Gov. Patterson's infidelity revelations (instead of transcribing these god forsaken interviews for my Essence assignment). And it occurs to me how the real eye-opener is not that the men cheated but how unequal their treatment of the two respective women were...
-On one hand, Spitzer was willing to pay an average of $5K an hour to be in the err-um, company of this woman. Gov. Patterson- not so much. She probably didn't even get a dry card on V-Day.
-Spitzer was willing to pay for ole' girl to have her own room in the exclusive Mayflower Hotel. Gov. Patterson was like, meet me for a couple of hours at the Days Inn.
-Elliot's chick had tales of wild, kinky sex. There was nothing but crickets about the good Gov's swagger game. (read: straight missionary).
AND NOW,
E-Boogie's hooker is now in MAJOR demand for kinds of media outlets. She'll probably land a record contract any minute now. Not to mention all the money she stands to make from book deals, TV appearances and folks using the $300 tax return to pay for a download of her song on myspace. Poor, poor Gov. Patterson's jump-off is probably going to be ridiculed at her church on Easter Sunday.
YOU DO THE MATH.

i like the lane that i'm in...

So as I drag my tired/sore/achy behind home through the icy winds from my early morning bootcamp torture (we were outside on the track running laps from 6.45am ), I started thinking about my girl Betina's bday dinner last night. Alebit a brief get together for myself- unfortunately, I had to exit stage left before the meals were served to get some sleep for bootcamp- I had a really, really good time. Why?
Check this out...
Of the twelve amazing women there (11 black and 1 Asian), only one of us was in a relationship that we could or even wanted to claim. And no, it wasn't me or the Asian chick. Mind you, all of these women are at the top or very near the top of their game (except for me again... I'm still begging folks to buy books so that I can keep the lights on). And that's definately not what made it a good time.
Here's the fun part...
NONE of us seemed sad or depressed about it. NOT A ONE. I promise you, every single one of the eleven women was straight chilling. And it wasn't on some 'bitter-scorned-women-who-hate all men' type -ish, it was more like, we're all in a really good place with or without a significant other. There was this positive overall sense of being more relieved NOT to be in a half-ass relationhip than concern about being single " at our ages." I swear, Oprah would have been so proud of us!
I mean sure, we mockingly complained about our struggle to connect on the long term with any new men with a 4-year+ college degree/ 410k investing/ 1 baby or less having/ decent looking/ interesting personality/ passport using or as in my personal case, the above average bedroom skills to which I've become accustomed. 'Cause we've all got amazing exs... And just to ensure that we continue to do our part, as of next week, Nicole and Melissa will be valiantly leading a group of us to weekly pole dancing classes so that we can err-um, keep our credentials updated. Hee-hee...
Sigh. It was just one of those wonderful a-ha moments that remind me why I love living in NYC.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Oprah here I come..

HOLY COW, thanks to all the wonderful, amazing, supportive friends that I have, Hotlanta is now ranked#67 out of all the books on freaking AMAZON .COM. Can you believe it (Translation: I'm only 66 steps away from Oprah's couch ya'll) ??!!!!*
But wait on it- we're also# 2 on the Children's Books sale list and # 3 in Teens Books sale list!!* Watch out Harry Potter...
WOO HOO!! Que the wind machine, 'cause I can hear my big Daddy Kane theme music now- "I get the job done... I WORK, baby!" Feel free to insert visual image of Mitzi doing the running man right here.
And to think, yesterday morning before my err-um, gentle prodding/ subtle threats, our book was ranked at #263,000 overall!!!!
You guys are the freaking best EVER!!!!! Thank you sosososososo much!! I promise that when I get rich and famous, I'm throwing the dopest- 'Mitzi FINALLY Made It' party and EVERYBODY (that has a Hotlanta receipt) is invited.
*The ranking changes every hour so if you let up, we'll fall. So STAY FOCUSED:

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

my mom and the 6 people I know....

Okay folks, there are offically twelve days left until my book drops. And how many of my so-called friends have managed to pre-order the book? Exactly six. Now I know, over the past thirty-two years, I've accumulated more than six friends with $12 to spare.
And certainly there are more than six people that have hit me up for a favor, loan, help, advice, a ride... Dang, can a sister get a little something on the back end? Mind you, it's always encouraging to hear how many people are proud of and inspired by my decision to strike out on my own. But err-um, a little financial support would go a veeeeerrrrrrrryyyyy long way.
Granted, I know everyone thinks they deserve a free copy. But please let me explain how the publishing business works: it's all about the numbers. My ability to secure the next book deal is soley based on the number of units I sell on this book deal. And no, the number of books I give away does not count towards this number. (READ: If Mitzi only sells six copies, she's going to be panhandling on a corner near you).
Not to mention, the measly TEN copies the publishing company gives me are for PROMOTION. Anything beyond those initial ten must be purchased by yours truly. So while I'm happy to give your lil' cousin Tay-Tay a free book. (in hopes she'll convince all six of her friends to purchase a copy). I'd rather not buy my own book just so that I can give it to you.
BESIDES....
How will I be able to hook you up, if I never become rich and famous?
BIG PICTURE PEOPLE.
Order by the end of business tomorrow, & it'll only cost you $8.99!
http://www.amazon.com/Hotlanta-No-1-Denene-Millner/dp/0545003083/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1205861024&sr=8-1

Friday, March 14, 2008

god don't like ugly...

I woke up this morning stricken with what can only be described as my own personal version of SARS: my throat was aflame, pajamas drenched in sweat, head thumping, face bloated; just looking and feeling crazy. You know those horrible 24-hour flu viruses that come from out of nowhere and reduce you to a sniveling child who is calling her mother at 3.30am talking 'bout, 'I'm dying?' Yeah, you better act like you know.
So anyway, as I'm moments away from my deathbed (or at least what feels like it) my girl Ayana, god bless her heart, hits me on IM (which is nothing but a tool of the devil. But that's another day's post). Now mind you, I haven't heard from Ms.Thang in a minute. Turns out, she too had fallen victim to this flu business about a week ago.
And I have to say, encouragd by the words of sympathy and solidarity from a survivor, my spirits immediately begin to perk up. Not to mention, who doesn't love the homegirl that's going to offer to get me anything I need to feel better?
But wait on it... I can have anything I need that will fit in a FedEx box- cause she aint coming within 500 feet of my contagious behind! LOLOL, I love my people I tell ya.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

cuteness kills...

So in yet another valiant crusade in the constant battle against my cellulite, my bright-butt decided to go join a 6.30am bootcamp style workout class. Why God, why?
Aside from the fact that I have to wake up at 5.30 am four days a week (do you even know what 5.30am looks like? Didn't think so.); I am so sore and tired there are no words to express how I feel. Let me put it in perspective- I hurt like a tractor-trailer hit me, ran over my body and then backed up on top for good measure. Watching me creep around my apartment trying to move as few body parts as possible-moaning every step of the way-is nothing short of tragic. I'd laugh to keep from crying but it hurts too much.
Quite frankly, the only things that keep me going (besides the aspirin I've been poppin' like green M&Ms) are 1) I know this program works. It's actually my third time 'enlisting' and the results are UNDENIALABLE and 2) the super cute bikini I bought at the end of last season. If my wobbly bootie can't fit into that miniscule piece of fabric come Memorial Day weekend, I'm going to be one sad black girl. You see the vision?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

silda ain't the only one runnin' to the clinic...

With the whole country fixated on Elliot Spitzer's inevitable ho scandal train wreck, it was easy to almost overlook the latest disheartening medical revelation announced on Reuters.com yesterday: A Quarter of U.S. Teen Girls Have An STD.
With the highest rate among Blacks (big surprise there-not), turns out that according to the Center for Disease Control, "An estimated 3.2 million U.S. girls ages 14 and 19 -- about 26 percent of that age group -- have a sexually transmitted infection such as the human papillomavirus or HPV, chlamydia, genital herpes or trichomoniasis."
14 years old!?!?!? Um is it now safe to say that the whole "teach abstinence" movement is a crock of shit? I'm just saying.
Perhaps the only thing halfway amusing about the article was the fact that they opted to use white teenagers in the lead photo. Way to be PC.
http://uk.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUKN1157399920080311?feedType=nl&feedName=ukmorningdigest
PS, check out the how the coverage in the NYT emphasizes the African American teen issue v. Reuters (a British company) whose focus was on the girls as a single group.
God bless America!

guess who's having the best week ever....

Can the church get an amen? The State of New York is about to swear in it's first African American Governor ever thanks to Elliot 'I-like-it-unprotected' Spitzer's high-priced booty calls. AND he's legally blind?!? Right about now, racists all over Howard Beach are crying into their canolis!
But on a serious tip? Am I the only one who thinks Elliot Spitzer's resignation is a waste? An amazing political career destroyed, and for what? Just 'cause the man likes to have unprotected sex... with strangers... and pay them for it? SO? At least he paid 'Kristen' well- according to AOL news, his standing account with the escort service totaled somewhere around $80,000. Might I remind you, all Ms. Monica got was a dry cleaning bill.
As for the whole 'prostitution-is-wrong' backchat, as far as I'm concerned, it's not my business who wants to pay for sex. As long as it's not with an underaged child, some poor Indonesian sex slave or my own man doing it; the phrase that pays is: MIND YA BUSINESS.
Besides, how much you want to wager almost all the high-and-mighty folks so eagerly calling for Big E's resignation have had an extramarital affair, frequented the champagne room in a stripclub or are clients their damn selves?

Monday, March 10, 2008

my buttbone hates snowboarding...

But we absolutely adore Bridget and Karmen (respectively), my two new pinktoe lesbian friends that I picked up on my trip to Tahoe. Aren't they the cutest couple?
These two were non-stop hilarity the entire four days. Allegedly, they were out in Tahoe filming an episode for their new online show on LOGO.com. But if what they were doing is work, I need to switch my gender preference immediately. And yes, I made several guest appearances in hopes of increasing my dating market share- JUST KIDDING!!!
But really, I did get into nothing but straight tomfoolery with these two as we valiantly attempted and failed miserably to learn how to snowboard at Mt, Rose(at least Karmen and I failed. Bridget that bee-yatch managed to leave us behind flat on our butts in the snow). I personally blame it on our bootleg instructor Aaron who totally pushed poor Karmen down the hill backwards when he got distracted by a cute girl passing by. She almost died-swear to god
Thankfully, we made up for our pathetic showing on the slopes with a bomb day of skiing at Northstar (which a ka-billion times better slopes than Mt. Rose) and riding the snowmobiles. Kinda of a cross between riding a horse and a motorcross, it's officially my new favorite way of getting around in the snow (even if the helmet smushed my hair into a mushroom). For the record, anytime 40 miles an hour feels like 90mph, I'm pleased. Sigh. The cold is good.

home sweet home....

Don't you hate it when things become predictable? I mean seriously, I'm away for four days- OF COURSE there's going to be a major water leak in my kitchen while I'm gone (refer to earlier post). Why wouldn't there be?
So like clockwork, I call my building super first thing Monday morning to come and replaster the now sagging ceiling. Mind you, I make it my business to point out where my light fixture has obviously started to come off of the ceiling from the water damage. Note the word, started. As in if you do something now, it might be prevented.
Well as you can see from the picture, I speak another language. I mean, I must. Because not even fifteen minutes after that slow-eye, no repair skill having, midget of a man walked out my door the damn light fell down!!!
But wait on it- cause there's always more...
When the light fell, rat FECES tumbled out from the ceiling and all over my floor. What in the third-world hell? Perhaps I should just be thankful a mice didn't fall down too, huh?
Anybody got a good realtor?

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

layovers suck...

Overcast skies delayed my flight out of LaGuardia this morning, and I missed my connection flight by ten freaking minutes! Now I'm stuck in Denver International Airport freezing my behind off for the next three hours!!! As I wonder why the a/c is blasting when it's barely 20 degrees outside, a white girl walks by wearing flip-flops and all my questions are answered- wallrus skin.
But my hyperthermia is nothing compared to the crazy Senator in Arizona who is trying to make it legal to carry concealed weapons on college campuses. Huh?
According to the New York Times, in response to recent campus shootings "State Senator Karen S. Johnson, has sponsored a bill, which the Senate Judiciary Committee approved last week, that would allow people with a concealed weapons permit — limited to those 21 and older in Arizona — to carry their firearms at public colleges and universities."
What is this the wild, wild west? The NRA kills me. Literally.
Read the rest of the madness here:

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

that guy with headband washes my hair...

As many of you know, it takes a lot for me to say a party was jamming on the ones. But my hairdresser Edris THREW DOWN last night at her five-year anniversary party!! (Quietly, the reason I'm posting this late is because I spent the entire day trying to recover from last night.)
When I tell you that I was greeted at the door by a seven foot drag queen whose job it was to deign me officially a fierce bitch before granting access... It was like THAT.
The DJ played all the 80's classics from Prince to Madonna to Michael to the Eurythmics, everyone was dressed up in eighties attire- fluorescent spandex, dolphin shorts, transvestites and lace gloves galore; breakdancers; a strobe light; celebrity impersonators; open bar and good food. I had so much fun!!!
Why can't there be good parties every Monday night? Sigh.

the new face of gangbanging...

I have no clue how i missed this story!!! Apparently this Sunday, this white woman, Margaret Seltzer a.k.a Margaret B. Jones just got exposed James Frye style for trying to publish a memoir depicting herself as a half-white, half-Native American girl growing up in South-Central Los Angeles as a foster child among gang-bangers, running drugs for the Bloods.
Come to find out, the WHOLE thing is a freaking lie.
According to the New York Times, this homegirl is "all white and grew up in the well-to-do Sherman Oaks section of Los Angeles, in the San Fernando Valley, with her biological family. She graduated from the Campbell Hall School, a private Episcopal day school in the North Hollywood neighborhood. She has never lived with a foster family, nor did she run drugs for any gang members. "
Damn Maggie...
Ironically, before being exposed as a fraud, her book, 'Love and Consequences' was receiving resounding critical acclaimand on its way to the top of the bestseller list!! Over the three years she worked on the book, Miss Thang was covered in the New York Tmes at least TWICE (um, not to complain but can I even get an honorable mention in that mug?). In her most recent interview (last week) she said,"One of the first things I did once I started making drug money was to buy a burial plot.”
I am ON THE FLOOR.
Guess how she got caught? Wait on it... Her sister saw an article featuring good ole Maggie in the House & Homes section of the New York Times and RATTED her out. Her own sister?
Lord HAF Mercy!!!
But what kills me is that even after getting caught, she's still trying to justify her actions by insisting that she was simply trying to speak for those people that don't have a voice. Talking about, "she had met some gang members during a short stint she said she spent at “Grant” high school “in the Valley.”
Uh, survey says- NO.
Read this mess for yourself:

Monday, March 3, 2008

march of the crackheads...

So according to CNN, the first wave of crack convicts eligible for reduced sentences under the new retroactive sentencing reform were released today: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/03/crack.release/index.html?eref=rss_latest
Interesting. I'll bet wherever he is, Bobby Brown is resting a little easier tonight...
I just have one question, why did CNN decide to wrap up the article with the quote from the wife of a convicted 60-year amputee? Talking about, "He wants to come back to the community. And he also wants to help the community. He plans on doing some paralegal work when he gets out."
I'm tapped out...

cuteness kills...

So I went up to Woodstock this past weekend to see my girl Joan perform in the Vagina Monologues. I had a great time. She was totally amazing, the show was really good, and I didn't even ruin my riding boots in the five inches of snow that fell during the performance. Afterwards we had an old school sleepover where we ate bad food (Burger King was the poison of choice), stayed up as late talking about boys and then woke up to a bright sunny Saturday. I couldn't ask for more. That is until I boarded the bus to head back down to the city and realized somewhere along the line I'd misplaced my earmuffs. And just that quick, I went from shiny happy people to damn near suicidal.
Why? Because those were my only pair of earmuffs left for this season (yes, I already lost a pair a couple of months back). And if you take one look at my picture, its pretty safe to say that there's no hat in the entire world that's fitting over that head of hair. What in the world was I going to do for the next three months without something to cover my ears? As visions of self-imprisonment floated through my head, I remembered that I'm going skiing in Tahoe on Wednesday!! At that point, I was literally in tears.

As soon as the bus pulled into the Port Authority, I bolted to Macys on 34th Street (a.k.a Dante's Inferno on a Sat afternoon). Praying the whole way- dear God, it's me Mitzi. I know its March 1st but puh-LEASE let there still be earmuffs available. PUH-lease! Apparently God was on a cigarette break, because when I got to Macys, the section formerly dedicated to hats, gloves scarves and most importantly, earmuffs is now converted to the sunglasses nook. All i could think was, there was a freaking snowstorm last night!!! Is anybody besides Diddy a.k.a Leader of the 'I Wear My Sunglasses At Night' movement ready for sunglasses yet?

Certain that a nervous breakdown was near, I called my girl Rhea who like any good pregnant lady was home doing her hair on a Sat afternoon. And she suggested I try Paragon sports in Union Square. Thank god for my friends.

Not only did Paragon have earmuffs, they were having a snow sale so almost everything skiing related was discounted. HAAA-LELUJAH, HAAA-LELUJAH, halelujah, halelujah!!!

Have you ever been so relieved to find something that you started crying when the sales person shows you that the store has them in stock? Well that was me. I swear the poor salesgirl must of thought I was a psycho the way I started blubbering my thanks. Sigh. Yes, I am so many things... but none of them cold.