don't talk about it, be about it...

So has anyone NOT heard about the JetBlue flight attendant from Queens that not only cussed out a passenger and quit his job over the plane's intercom but then had the balls to jump out the emergency evacuation chute as the grand finale??

*nosedives into the shallow end of the pool*

For those who've been under a rock for the last 24 hours: According to CNN, the incident took place just after the flight landed at JFK and was still taxiing. Apparently, an unnamed passenger ignored the time honored 'remain in your seats until we have arrived at the gate' rule and stood to remove a bag from the overhead bin. And well, it seems that poor Steven Slater (the attendant in question) had finally reached his limitation with the foolishness. So he picked up the intercom and started hurling expletives at ALL the passengers. Then when the plane finally reaches the gate, dude was quoted as saying, "I've been doing this for ten years and I'm out of here!" He proceeds to grab some beer from the beverage cart, deploy the emergency slide and hop his happy ass off that mo-fo like, BYE, BYE BEE-YATACHES!

PAUSE.

You know I LOVE him, right?

Cause NO judgement but doesn't he just LOOK like the kid we all grew up with that got picked on mercilessly his ENTIRE life? You know, the classmate for whom there was never a closet big enough to hold him and his fa-la-laing ways?? And then to make matters worse, he isn't even the cutest. So if the girls were anything like I remember, they prob weren't even willing to let him be their gay BFF. Sigh. SMH. So tragic.

But then, just when you've counted him out.. He tells the world TO KISS HIS ASS over the intercom!!!

I. DIE.

Like seriously, even if Steven serves all seven years in jail for criminal mischief, reckless endangerment and criminal trespass-which we know he won't- that man just lived out the greatest fantasy of all flight attendants around the WORLD. He is a freaking LEGEND.

*raises an overflowing glass of champagne*