congrats all around...

There's a lot to be happy about today:

The sun is shining.

The U.S. Court overturned California's ridiculous same-sex marriage ban.

BP seems to have finally sealed the oil well in the Gulf.

Oh and none of us are 48 year-old, Jerry Douthett. And trust when I tell you that is this last reason is HUGE. Mmm-hmmm...

Because apparently, the Rockford, MI resident got soused off of 6 beers and several margaritas and promptly passed out. When Jerry finally woke from said drunken stupor, he discovered that the family's pet Jack Russell Kiko, had completely gnawed off his rotten big toe.

"I woke up and the dog was laying alongside my foot, then I looked and blood was everywhere," the drunk ass explains. "I ran to the bathroom and screamed for my wife Rosie to come. I went to the bathroom, rinsed it and it was gone."

Let me repeat, IT WAS GONE.

*promptly throws up in mouth*

But wait on it... So although Kiko had eaten the big toe down to below the nail-line, the tests at the hospital revealed that an infection that Jerry had clearly been ignoring for some time would actually require a complete amputation of the toe. And here he go talking about, "In retrospect the incident explained a lot. It smelled, and I look back now and realize every time we'd visit someone with a dog, it would be sniffing all over my foot."

Um, it smelled?

BLANK STARE