Wednesday, May 27, 2009

i prefer to watch the needle enter the skin...

Unless there's a really good reason, I've never been one of those people who cuts off an ex after the romantic aspect of the relation ship fizzles out.  Call me crazy but the way I see it is- why throw the baby out with the bath water? Clearly there was something about the person that I liked to begin with if we ended up sleeping together. So why stop speaking  just cause we're not meant to be.

That said, I am still extremely close with a couple of my exs.  And when I say 'extremely close,' I mean it like, don't be surprised if they're throwing rice at my wedding.  These select few continue to be some of my closest confidants and sounding boards (trust, there are few people that'll keep it as real than those who have seen you naked with the silk head scarf on- okay?)

But here's my thing- how do you tell the new Mr. Right that you and the old boo are still down like 4 flat tires.  Cause trust, the whole- "oh that's just my ex calling the land line" answer does not, I repeat, does not go over well with black men.

For a moment, I was thinking that I'd just invite the ex-BF to the dinner with the current significant other.  But let's just say, that moment lasted right up until I saw the tepid response in a poll I posted a while ago... 

According to that, only 26% of you guys support the whole let's-break-bread movement. Really??? You don't think that if there's really nothing romantic left between you and an ex that 's a part of your life, you can bring him around the new man?  Sigh.  that's so frustrating.  'Cause when it's all said and done, doesn't that translate to shadiness on the part of the 73% who insist that nothing good can come out of the gesture???  

Think about it, theoretically the new BF and I would have dinner with any other friend of mine-girl or guy... So why be different with this friend just because it's a guy that I used to be intimate with.  Isn't the past the past? 

I'm just saying. Personally, I would MUCH rather sit across a table from this woman so that I could gauge for myself what's really hood.  


  1. Well, if your current reads your blog, your problem is halfway solved, right?

  2. No ma'am.

    Cause while he's doing that little thing he does that drives me wild and has me scaling the wall, I may think, "Did he do that to her?! OR . . . did she teach him how to do that?"

    I wouldn't want to go through that or put anyone else through it.

    I like to think that I could meet the ex or introduce the my ex to the current. In theory it sounds so good, mature, and progressive. In practice, I can't see myself doing it.

  3. Sorry, Mitzi. You're playing with fire. As we get older, our relationships with our opposite sex friends has to change as we or they get into new relationships. ESPECIALLY if the relationship was a sexual one.

    Take it from someone who always had a lot of guy friends. As they started dating women who didn't know me, the invitations to the tailgate parties, superbowl parties, cookouts, etc. started to dissipate and eventually dissolve completely; and these were not sexual relationships.

    No matter how trusting the other person is, the fact that you have a history (i.e. private jokes and "Hey, do you remember that time when...") there's going to be heat. I realized that while their women smiled at me (half heartedly) and attempted to be polite, I was sending my friends home to be tarred and feathered. Maybe not right away, but they might as well be naked covered in honey standing in the middle of an ant pile.

    And men are just as territorial, if not more so, then women. He'll always wonder what it was like between you all-even if he's confident in who he is and what he offers. It's just human nature. And if you're that close with the ex, he might even wonder if he ever messes up, are you going to run to him and tell him or worse yet...'cuz ya'll so close?

    Gotta scale it back, babe out of respect for your new relationship. If you really care about him, you don't want to make him uncomfortable and your exes should understand that. Once I accepted it, I was able to keep most of my guy friends in my life albeit on different terms.

    I wouldn't recommend the "let's all get together and be friends approach". Not really their nature. Ours either truthfully.

  4. think about the shoe being on the other foot and he was brining his ex around you. yeah, i wouldn't risk it. not if you really care about this brother. it's awakward for your man.

  5. Try it an see what happens.