*back-flips in an open casket*
According to various reports, this fat, nasty mo-f'ker and his homeboy decided to get drunk beyond belief at the baseball game. Then Dumb and Dumber started needlessly harassing the people sitting in front of them. Unfortunately, those people just so happened to be Easton, PA Police Captain Michael Vangelo and his two daughters, aged 15 and 11.
So anyhoo, after a couple of innings of cussing, spilling beer and all around ridiculous behavior, the 15 year-old turned around and asked the two to stop. Well don't you know, in response Clemmen's buddy decided to spit on her???
But wait on it... In what can only be described as an epic show of restraint, the cop did NOT kick homeboy's ass. BLANK STARE. No, instead he calmly went and got an park usher and had Clemmen's buddy booted from the stadium. (Yeah, I don't know those type of good samaritans either).
So in retaliation, this worthless bottom feeder starts yelling about how he's gonna be sick, sicks not one but TWO fingers down his throat and BARFED on the cop and his 11 year-old daughter. Then starts starts throwing mad sucker punches at the cop.
*raises from the dead to kill myself again*
BUT WAIT ON IT... so another off duty-cop intervenes, breaks up the fight and restrains Clemmens until the actual Philly police arrived. At which point, this failed abortion (yeah, I said it) straight UP-CHUCKED on another cop.
*seals the bedazzled Walmart casket with super strength Elmer's Glue*
PS. the ONLY encouraging thing that I can report about as it relates to this entire story is that is you look really, really closely at the tiny mugshot I was able to find, dude has a crazy black eye. Here's hoping there was more of that to come after they took the mugshot.