not safe for work or damn near anywhere else...

Oh Lord, I'm so confused. Somebody, anybody, help me please.

What in the unholy HELL is this CHILD doing in this video?? Really? With the the black socks/ sneaker combo and one leg up? Oh-uh-uh... And wait on it- all those dingy looking sheets and comforters in the background?

*starts tossing bleach like I'm Puff poppin' champagne*

All I can say is, Jesus be the ass whooping I would put on this overgrown teenager if he was my child. WORD.

Oh and when you pull your face off the floor, feel free to thank Freshalina for the laughs HERE

PTA gangstas...

Wow, Rhode Island is NOT playing when it comes to their children's education (or more importantly, taxpayers' moolah). Straight up firing an entire high school's faulty because the students are under performing? That 'ish is GANGSTER!!

*throws serious side -eye at some of these worthless public schools here in Harlem*

And while I like the idea of completely cleaning house, the fact that 97 % of the students are living in poverty (which means they don't have anywhere NEAR supportive home environment) and 65% are 1st generation Hispanic where for most English is not the first language (which means a whole lot of stuff is getting lost in translation), leads me to believe that some of these teachers were up against some pretty shitty odds from the gate.

But you know, I guess we'll have to see.

blue in the face...

After Sade, there are very few releases that I'm holding my breath for this year- new Jay-Z album included. But not for nothing, I am SO ready for a new Monica album.

Check out the video for her first single, 'Everything To Me.'

I'm so not mad. Her voice is as strong as ever (which is a relief). Oh and her co-star, Chad 'Ochocinco' Johnson ain't too hard on the eyes either... I'm just saying.

Anyhoo, what do you think? Let me know...

say ahhh-haaa-haaa...

For the most part, I make every effort to be in a good mood. Therefore I tend to laugh a lot. But there's difference between laughing and laughing til you cry. And I have to tell you that when I watched this video that my homie Carla sent me the link to... I damn near fell out of chair. Like seriously, it was one of those almost-died-from-lack-of-oxygen because I was so busy laughing moments. So thank you for that Carlita!

Anyhoo, enough about me and the ignorance that help my workday go by.

The last time the winner of the Fat Bitch! giveaway laughed until she cried was while watching The Pineapple Express. You know, I still haven't seen that movie... Well fingers crossed, Tamara and her guest will have the same experience when she goes to see the Erica Watson's fabulous comedy show tomorrow night!

Congrats Tamara!

Hurry and send me an email with your full name to: mitzimoments@gmail.com so that I can dish all the details!

filing a missing persons report...

When I woke up this morning I had two very different thoughts. First, was the realization that the headache/ migraine I've been suffering from for the past 48 hours is finally gone. Praise God! And secondly, I wondered where Paris Hilton was hiding out nowadays. I know, I know. *crickets*

Maybe it's because I was watching the season finale of Keeping Up With The Karshadians the other day when it occurred to me that in the last year or so, Kimmie and her entire little look alike tribe essentially snatched the life away from Paris et al. And you know what, I'm not even mad.

Say what want about her boring sex tape, blatant use of butt pads and that nasal, high-pitched voice (which irritates most of us b/c real talk, if anyone else whined HALF as much to our sig others, we wouldn't get shit but cussed out and told to shut da hell up) howsumeva, that white woman is a straight hustler. She may have no perceptible talent or even personality but she sure can work a camera. And with that singular ability, she has managed to get her and her ENTIRE FAMILY pizz-aid!!

Now that's what I call looking out for the home team.

Truth be told, I kinda wish she'd teach a class. You know something like, "How To Turn A Boring Sex Tape Into A Million Dollar Moment For Ev'ry-Damn-Body.' I'm just saying...

my mouth is your mouth...

Hmm, slow news day and it's Monday. You know what that means... Time for an old poll question!

OK, now here's a funny one: Would you share your toothbrush with your significant other?

12% of you guys say sure

87% of you guys say heck no

Wow, 87% said no? I'm really surprised. I figured it would be the other way around...

Granted, I've never been in the position where I've needed to do it or vice versa but I'm not adverse to the idea. I mean, we're a couple, right? And in my mental Mitzi Dictionary, that means that dude and I have swapped spit (amongst other bodily fluids) more than once, twice, thrice... You get the picture.

So then, what's the big deal about sharing a toothbrush?

Cause real talk, if it's between that and my better half walking around with a yuck mouth for an extended period of time, by all means- have at it. God forbid, someone ever has to say, "You know, he's a great guy and all BUT Mitzi's boyfriend has the WORST breath!"

Uugh I would DIE.

And not for nothing, doesn't everyone clean off their toothbrushes in hot water when they finish brushing? So it's not like I'm asking to use his dirty dental floss... Right?

*crickets*

Oh wait, I get it! Is this just one of those boundaries issue? Like how, even on the hottest day in hell I will never, ever ever share a bikini with anyone? No? Its bigger than that? Well in that case, you tell me, why does the idea of sharing your toothbrush with someone (who's prob already put a private part in your mouth) gross you out?

fat bitch! giveaway...

You know how some people really, really LOVE comedy shows? I'm talking all dressed up, sitting front and center and just ready to get their wide open mouth laugh on? Yeah you know exactly what I'm talking about.... Well, Me? Not so much. Truth be told, not at all.

The last comedy show I went to was Chris Rock at Madison Garden for New Year's Eve years ago. And I have to tell you, I was super excited to go see Chris perform. I just knew that I was going to laugh non-stop from the beginning until way after we left the arena. Hmm... If you've read my blog before you should already know where I'm going with this.

*crickets*

I mean don't get me wrong, there were definitely funny PARTS throughout the show. And I was happy as hell to see Chris. But I definitely found myself nodding out on the ex-BF's shoulder for a couple minutes here and there. Yeah, I admit it. Oh well.

So anyhoo, all this to say, I was really reluctant to accept the invitation to see comedienne Erica Watson's new one-woman show, FAT BITCH. Especially since I kinda like Erica. We're new Twitter friends and she makes me laugh quite a bit during the day. But I read the fantastic reviews and she kept inviting me to come out so I finally caved- 'cause not for nothing, how many times can you come up with a good reason not to make a show that's 4 train stops away?

DEAD FISH EYES.

Okay, can I tell you? Erica's show was HEE-Larious!! When I wasn't laughing out loud, I nodding in agreement or clapping my ass off. And words can't even begin to describe the tomfoolery that occurs at the end of the show. When I tell you, I was wiping TEARS off my face as the lights came up??

CRAZY.

But instead of me trying to explain how wonderful the show was, I'm going to do you one better.I'm going to SEND you and a friend to next week's performance here in New York City!!!!

Courtesy of the fabulous Ms. Watson, Mitzi Moments is giving away a FREE pair of tickets to see FAT BITCH at the Laurie Beechman Theatre on Thursday February 25th at 7p!

Here's how you win:

MANDATORY:

• Leave me one comment telling me the last thing that made you laugh till you cried.

• Be/Become a Mitzi Moments subscriber (if you are already, this doesn't apply to you, if not you MUST verify your email subscription to qualify).

FOR EXTRA ENTRIES (please leave separate comments for each):

• TWEET "I just entered the @MitziMoments FAT BITCH! giveaway for a pair of free tickets to see Erica Watson perform. http://tinyurl.com/y9wlgbr"

• BECOME a Mitzi Moments Member through Google follower on site OR get the Mitzi Moments RSS feed HERE on the site (leave an additional comment letting me know you’ve done so).

• FOLLOW @mitzimoments on Twitter (send me a message letting me know you've done so).

• BLOG about this giveaway.

• JOIN the official Mitzi Miller Author/ Journalist/ Opinionated Personality Facebook Fan Page HERE (leave a comment on the FB page letting me know you've done so).

THIS CONTEST ENDS AT 11:59 P.M. on TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 2010. THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2010. It is open to residents in the continental U.S. PLEASE NOTE: Travel expenses will not be provided and there is a $15 minimum food/drink minimum (but the food is YUMMY).

go team...

So after all the hoopla Shani Davis came right back and kicked ass in the men's 1,000-meter speed skating competition, huh? Well alrighty then. Chicago, stand up!

On an itty bitty sidenote, this is probably a horrible thing to say considering how hard all those athletes work to prepare but forreal, forreal I so could care less about the Olympic Games. (Mind you, I have a friend that's very, very likely to land a spot on the USA track team and still... Not so much.) No offense.

And it's weird cause didn't we all used to LIVE for the Olympics?? I can distinctly remember begging my parents to let me stay up late and watch whatever-the-hell competition was on TV: ice skating, gymnastics, downhill skiing, track & field. Mind you, this was before there were Black people to watch and identify with.

*dead fish eyes*

I wonder what that's about... Am I the only one that couldn't give two shits about bringing home the "gold" to the 'ole U-S of A? Especially when we still can't manage to bring home the health insurance? Or how about the end to the recession?

I'm just saying... *kanye shrug*

every little step...

BEFORE:


AFTER:

DAMN.

So the other night, I had a pizza and TV date with my homie, D. And for some unforeseen reason we ended up watching the new episode in the latest season of VH1's Celebrity Fit Club. Um, how can I put this nicely... Oh. My. God.

Bobby Brown? Tanisha from Bad Girls Club? Shar Jackson? K-Fed? Oh and puh-lease don't get me started on Nicole Egbert, the lifeguard chick from Baywatch who used to run up and down the beach looking like that red flotation device she carried weighed more than her. Well just know, homegirl has turned into a straight up Kirstie Alley's mini-me and wait on it.. the bish only weighs 130lbs! Who's body falls apart at 130lbs?? No ma'am. FAIL.

*makes the sign of the cross and quickly thanks God for good genes*

And while we definitely got our laugh on at these fallen stars' expense, I have to tell you... Secretly, my heart truly broke for Bobby. To see that bloated face all up close and personal?

Dude, Bobby used to be a SEX SYMBOL. Like forreal. From New Edition to his way too short lived solo career... that man was off da chain. And now look. Sigh. I can't. Insisting that he's clean and sober but still sucking down cans of Bud beer and glasses of straight vodka like a damn fish. And when that fat bottom lip got to twitching?

DEAD FISH EYES.

Needless to say, I will be sending up prayers- as I what? Tune in EV'RY damn week.

actually, it is a popularity contest...

Another snowy day, another old poll question.

What's worse, knowing your significant other's family doesn't like you or not getting along with his/her friends?

65% say family.

34% say friends

Real talk, both of these situations suck. Period. Cause who doesn't want to be liked? Not to mention, we all know that having the friends and family on your side is like a secret insurance policy during those times when your relationship is on the rocks (and you probably don't even know it). You always want somebody to be willing to say, "Dude she/ he is the best thing that ever happened to you..." or "If you mess this up, you're an idiot."

But since I have to choose, I'm gonna go with family.

'Cause the thing is, you can always limit your interaction with the friends. Nothing says that we all need to hang out or vacation together. Matter of fact, I've already got a ridiculous amount of friends that I barely get to see let alone, spending my time around yours. At a certain point, you can always pull the old 'what happens between us, stays between us' rule of relationship silence. And if your partner is genuine, that should limit the amount of shit talking they get to do about you to him/ her. At least until you can convince your beloved to move the hell away from the entire worthless bunch.

But the family? Uh-uh.

Them mo-fos are around for good. His nasty mama and slutty sister will forever be at your crib on holidays. All those dirty looks from his know-it-all father will just keep coming like shit in the sewer. Oh and trust, you'll never stop blocking the unwanted advances of his favorite alcoholic uncle. *crickets*

Oh and God forbid, the two of you get married and have kids?? YIKES. Who the hell wants all of that at your wedding? As expensive as weddings are? The last thing I want are folks that work my nerves hanging around making faces on our special day. I don't know about you but I'm not leaving MY child around ANYONE that doesn't like me. I don't give a DAMN whether you're a relative or not.

But now I'm curious. If you're more worried about the friends hating you, tell me why.

drumroll please....

It seems that Operation Wife'd Up in 2010 truly is in effect!

According to random. org, the winner of the Mitzi Moments V-Day Conversation Giveaway is.....

Ms. Ericka Bennett!

Ericka will receive a free copy of Essence Book Club recommended read, The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, trusting Relationships by New York Times Bestselling author and actor Hill Harper.

Congrats to Ericka and a huge thanks to everyone that participated in this month's giveaway.

*Ericka, at your earliest please send your mailing addy to: mitzimoments@gmail.com

if u disagree, say somethin'...

Aside from the tragic suicide of Alexander McQueen and Bill Clinton's near heart attack, it's a super slow news day. I mean, that is if you don't count the triflin' Brooklyn school aide who encouraged an elementary school bully to beat up another student cause the latter got on her nerves. But I digress.

Anyhoo, so I'm taking it back to the polls. Here's a more recent question that got a good voter response:

Do you think it's possible to hook-up with a good friend 1x and still be as cool afterwards?

59% say Yes. If both parties are mature/ consenting adults it should be no problem

40% say No. Sex changes everything.

Quick disclaimer: I haven't had any experience with the one-time homie hook-up. BUT I was thinking about it...

You see normally, I hook-up with men that I've recently met but don't have any shared history. Since it's all we know, we're generally able to keep it going for at least a couple months (who turns a good thing away?). Then when the whole sexual aspect of the relationship fizzles, we remain cool. Truth be told, in most cases we've become really good friends because in such casual arrangement there's no pretension. READ: he sees/ appreciates me for who I am and vice versa.

Mind you, the ONE and ONLY time that I did hook-up with a guy that was friend, it turned into a freaking 2-year long SHITSHOW. *shudders visibly in recollection*

In fact, now that I'm seeing all this written out, my mind is made up- I'm going with no-thank you.

As hard as true platonic friends of the opposite sex are to come by, I doesn't seem worth potentially screwing up the relationship for a one-off. Over the years, I've come to depend on my guy friends' brutal honesty in everything from work to relationships (cause please believe even when your mom won't, a dude has no problem telling you when you're playing yourself). The LAST thing I need is for my boy to be all distracted from the matters at hand or giving shady advice b/c they're too busy thinking about the crazy thing that I can do with my whatchumacallit.

No ma'am.

don't be like that...

Wow, so nobody wants to read what Hill Harper has to say about relationships? Even though I'm giving the book away for FREE??? That's F-U-N-N-Y.

Honestly, can't say I didn't have the same reaction initially. After all, why would I want to read what a successful, good looking yet for some odd reason PERPETUALLY single Black man has to say about why relationships between Black men and women don't work. Hmmm, seems like a set-up.

But I must admit, after reading the first couple of chapters (I'm not even going to FRONT like I have the time to sit around and read the entire thing), I am impressed. From the very beginning he starts by addressing his own issues with commitment: bloated ego, sense of entitlement and mainly fear in a very understandable way. Real talk.

So anyhoo, I explain all that to say, don't judge a book or in this case a 'suspect' author by his cover.

It's not like you have to do anything but leave me a comment sharing what you think is the most lovable feature about you... And how hard is that?

money tastes better than chocolate...

So former Disney wunderkind turn washed up actress before the age of 25, Amanda Bynes went off on a little twitter rant this morning. Talking about how even though she's "VANILLA" she loves "CHOCOLATE." And she doesn't care who has a problem with it."

*crickets*

Um really, Amanda? Vanilla and chocolate? Sigh. Okay, in your defense I'm sure you thought that you're making a powerful political statement. But how can I put this nicely... Sweetie, you sound STOOPID. No, really. And not because I don't think that you enjoy having sex with Black men, I just don't believe that if you have to announce it in a Twitter, it will ever, ever, ever be more than that- a f'ck.

In my experience, folks that have to make these kind of proclamations, don't mean a word that they're saying. They just want attention and generally to hear the sound of their own voices.

And surprise, surprise I guess little Amanda's voice wasn't as loud and proud as those of her publicists, the Disney reps and her all white middle-American fans. 'Cause please believe that homegirl deleted that nonsense within 2 hours of posting. Just. Like. That.

DEAD.

thats that deebo type mind control...

It's so much easier to ask questions than to answer them... But since my girl D got all up in my 'ish the other day about not posting the results of the weekly polls since like forever, I promised I'd get back on my job.

Okay, so here's an old one that we didn't discuss...

Do men want sex more than women?

26% said Yes. they just can't help themselves

73% said Nope. As women, we simply control our urges better.

You know, I think it depends on the individual man. 'Cause I have certainly dated men that are literally driven to distraction if they are not sexually active on a regular basis. And we both understood that if he wasn't getting it from me, too much time wasn't going to pass before he was on to the next one. Real talk. But quite honestly, that never really presented a problem for me... At all. So perhaps there's an itty bit of dude in me. I'm just saying.

My thing is, once I'm sexually intimate with someone, I also need it to pop off regularly. As in every day. The time of day (and often place) makes no difference, let's just get it in. But if I'm not 'dating' or in a relationship, my "urges " are completely turned off. I have very little interest and in fact, become very territorial about my personal space. READ: I don't want no random mo-fo all up under me. Shit.

DEAD

So ladies, for those of you actively "controlling an urge," how's that working out for you? And why do you even do it? Aren't we at a point in our culture and personal lives where if you feel the need to get broken off, you should make the magic happen. Of course, please be sure to be safe (condoms, 2nd form of birth control, absolutely no video, cameras or witness)You know, and then (like the properly raised individuals I know you all are) simply pretend it wasn't you in the morn.

DENY, DENY, DENY.

v-day conversation giveaway...

So. How's your love life?

Well, if you're like me and it's still very much a work in progress, have no fear! Just in time for Valentine's Day I've got a little something, something that might help you out...

I'm giving a FREE hard copy of best selling author and Image Award winning actor Hill Harper's latest book, The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can build Loving, Trusting Relationships to one lucky Mitzi Moments subscriber.

In addition to having a really great looking cover (which naturally features Hill), the book is easy to read and makes sense. I'm not saying it'll answer all your questions but it just might give you a couple of a-ha moments. Oh and did I mention it'd be F-R-E-E? Exactly.

Here's how you win:

MANDATORY

• Leave me one comment telling me what you think the most lovable thing about yourself.

• Be/Become a Mitzi Moments subscriber (you MUST verify your email subscription to qualify).

FOR EXTRA ENTRIES (please leave separate comments for each)

• TWEET "I just entered the @MitziMoments V-Day Conversation giveaway for a free copy of Hill Harper's book The Conversation: http://tinyurl.com/yjcs99r"

• BECOME a Mitzi Moments Member through Google follower on site OR get the Mitzi Moments RSS feed HERE on the site (leave an additional comment letting me know you’ve done so, and include an email address so that I can contact you if you win).

• FOLLOW @mitzimoments on Twitter (send me a direct message letting me know you've done so).

• BLOG about this giveaway.

• JOIN the official Mitzi Miller Author/ Journalist/ Opinionated Personality Facebook Fan Page HERE (leave a comment on the FB page letting me know you've done so).


THIS CONTEST ENDS AT 11:59 P.M. on SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2010. THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON MONDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 2010. It is open to residents in the continental U.S. and Canada.

is this was mickey taught you...

OH God! I knew it, I knew!!

Triflin'-ass Lindsay Lohan is a HOARDER!

Don't believe me? Just check out the first of Extra Insider's two-part special w/ co-host Niecy Nash (who is so freakin' condescending/ annoying, she made me want to strangle the breath out of her and that ridiculous looking wig).

Mmm-hmmm, Jesus be the Goodwill truck waiting outside with the engine running. 'Cause Lindsay's place seriously has more shit than an outhouse crapper!

If I was one of her neighbors, I'd be trying to get that hooker evicted IMMEDIATELY. Just on GP. It's like as if your constant reckless behavior and blatant drug abuse weren't enough, now you're bringing filth-flarn-filth to the building where folks pay waaay too much money to live as it is? Oh HELLS naw!

Survey says, FAIL.

Oh and you must know it's train wreck when I'm so caught up in the nastiness of her condo that I can't find the energy to discuss what all that plastic surgery has done to her face. Looking like Laura Flynn Boyle's illegitimate blonde-haired daughter.

I'm going to take a shower.

psst, hey Bey...

OMG, how did I miss this?? I freakin' LOVE this white woman!! No seriously, I will forever have a special spot in my heart for Chelsea Handler thanks to this dead-on tirade about Beyonce's performance at this year's Grammy Award Show.

Girl Crush Proper.

might've worked w bush...

Okay so I'm not going to get all deep into the details of the group of fake missionaries/ child traffickers from Idaho that were arrested as they attempted to kidnap a group of THIRTY-THREE children form Port-au-Prince, Haiti last week in the name of Jesus. Cause honestly, the facts speak for themselves... And if I get started on the audacity of these white people, preying on the poor, displaced families in the midst of a natural disaster, I may never end.

But very quickly, I'd like to draw your attention to this picture taken yesterday afternoon of two of the women in the group- a mother and child. Now be clear, these two women are headed BACK to jail after being charged with child abduction and criminal conspiracy, and they're what? Laughing.

DEAD FISH EYES.

I gotta tell you, I wouldn't think a damn thing was funny if I was innocent and my ass was headed back to a freakin' Haitian jail. No ma'am. Not. At. All. But I guess the key word there is 'innocent,' huh?

I sure hope them heifers don't think that just cause they're white Americans everything is gonna to eventually blow over. SMH. Cause them days is over...

SOMEBODY CUE THE TRAVELING MUSIC.

abort mission...

Good grief, I'm so glad it's finally Friday! Not that it's necessarily the end of my work week, since I decided to take yesterday off... But I'm still happy as hell that there will be less emails coming into my inbox than going out for a couple of days. Sigh.

So are ya'll ready for some football?

Personally, I'm very excited about the Super Bowl! 'Cause thanks to the kindness of friends I will be stuffing my face on yummy food as I root my ass off for the Saints. Oh boy, my greedy behind can't wait!

Howsomever, I'm sure this impending "snowstorm" is probably making a lot of folks that are scheduled to fly down to Miami between tonight and tomorrow morn really, really nervous. (And I say that with quotes b/c since when is six inches of snow during the month of February considered a storm? Isn't that just winter weather?)

Well if it helps at all, I'll be thinking good thoughts for ya. 'Cause ain't nothing worse than getting all geared up to go slut it out and then unexpectedly being stuck at home. And you know who I'm talking to... (insert serious side-eye)

*lights a candle*

i see dirty people...

So as most folks know, I am totally obsessed with the A&E show, Hoarders- totally and completely.

My obsession is to the point where I'm seeing the signs of potential Hoarders EVERYWHERE- from the lady in the grocery line buying 100 cans of cat food to the extra-messy looking chick that keeps spilling old food wrappers, crumpled papers and empty bottles of water out of her bag on the subway car. I swear, if you look they are all over!

And while I'm sure some of you probably think I'm a itty bit nutso, I'm TELLING you, that freakin' Lindsey Lohan is a damn hoarder!

Exhibit A: Just look at this photo of a room in her condo!

What in the unholy-nasty-white-trash-hell is going on? Who lives like this? Talking about, "I try not to go in there... It gives me anxiety being in here. The clutter takes up a lot of space mentally." Err-um, really??

And this is the same worthless chick that they had the NERVE to pay to be the face of Ungaro? DEAD. Real talk, they might as well have asked the homeless lady that that lives at the end #1 Train subway platform at the 168th Street stop. No offense...

On an upnote, the shameless starlet is going to let The Insider come in and film a 'De-cluttering Lindsey' special about her situation that's scheduled to air next week. So I'll get to watch the whole shit show up close and personal.

I. Can. Not. WAIT!

god be whispering, so you gotta listen carefully...

So Syed Rahman, the bar worker that murdered 24 year-old Ingrid Rivera this past August at Lil' Kim's birthday party, finally pleaded guilty, huh? Dang...

Ironically, my girl and I were JUST talking about how unsafe some of these so-called super clubs in the city can be for women and she mentioned this very incident. *cues the creepy horror movie instrumental music*

Honestly, this case was always unsettling to me because I'm a HUGE believer in spiritual signs and paying attention to what the universe is trying to tell you. And ultimately, had ole' girl not finagled so hard be inside that party, her ass would still be alive. And that's nothing but the truth.

(For those that don't know the deets: For whatever reason homegirl got kicked out of the party. Then, the creepy bar worker with his own personal agenda helped her sneak back inside through the service entrance. At the end of the night, she supposedly threatened to tell people that he was the one who let her back inside the club- Personally, I think he prob tried to force her to have sex and she was like hell no and then threatened to tell on his ass. Either way, his psycho ass slit her throat and knocked her over the head. The End.)

Mind you, I'm not judging homegirl. 'Cause at one point or another, we've all thought that if we didn't get invited or gain access to a certain event, it was going to be the end of days. It's just too bad, that getting her way cost this young lady her life.

Stay alert party people.

lacing up my kicks...

There's nothing more frustrating than trying to lose those last five pounds. But can you imagine losing 280 pounds and STILL weighing 686 lbs??

YIKES.

Apparently, this British guy (who despite the weight loss still qualifies as the world's heaviest man), Paul Mason lost the weight to qualify for a gastric bypass. So let's all pray, he'll be able to lose more weight pretty quickly.... But my God. Can you just imagine all the skin hanging off of his body when the weight is finally gone?? Can you see it, just layers like that Japanese dog breed the Shar-Pei.

DONE.

Oh but wait on it... before you start to feel bad for homeboy- I just read on some random Flickr post that dude (who is a former postman) was arrested and imprisoned for stealing mail. And while he was serving his sentence he lost mad weight. But since his release, he's been chilling at home, living off of welfare and eats MAD junk food.

DEAD.

is this your super...

I spend a lot of time complaining about all the things that suck about my apartment building. You know the whole, corner boys at the door instead of a legit doorman, the neighbor's dog using my doormat as her personal Wee Wee pad, having to play hide and seek with the hot water every other day, and the list goes on... But one thing I've never worried about was my super being a damn LEVEL 3 SEX OFFENDER.

So my heart goes out to all the tenants living in the Upper West side buildings owned by Stanley Katz (specifically at 144 W.73rd, 140, and 142 W.75th Streets).

'Cause I know you pay RIDICULOUSLY more rent than I do and definitely don't deserve to go to sleep at night knowing that a man who raped a teenager and attacked three little girls between the ages of 5 and 7 while forcing other children WATCH the abuse, holds the spare key to your apartment.

*DEAD FISH EYES*

That is all.

another reason to hate flying...

Hmm, there's just so much tomfoolery going on in the world this Monday morning I don't know where to start. Let's see...

Ah-ha, looks like the TSA continues it's tradition of hiring only the most qualified and upstanding individuals to protect our country's borders- NOT. According to the Daily News, a 57-year old employee in the Orlando area was arrested for attempting to turn a 15 year-old girl into his sex slave. *crickets*

But wait on it... when this genius was brought in for questioning, he denies molesting her and insists that all he did was"grope" her. And just to prove his well meaning intentions, the admitted S&M oriented swinger said in a written statement that all he did was ASK her to be his sex slave. You know, not like he was gonna FORCE her or anything... Sigh.

So we're all clear, this is who's rifling through all the panties & bras in my carry-on luggage? Good to know, very good to know.