guess wht my next giveaway is gonna be...

Although to the naked eye it may appear that I'm slowly perspiring to death in this record breaking heat and humidity, thanks to the lovely folks at The GAP, I'm already chilling in the Fall.

Yessir, because in addition to last week's adorable distressed cropped jean jacket (that you actually still have one day left to enter & win a free one HERE), I just received a pair of their new denim leggings.

Can I tell you? No bullish, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Like budget be damned, I'm so about to go buy an additional pair immediately.

They feel just as thick as last year's 1969 Premium jeans (which remain at the front of my closet) and like your fave pair of leggings are super duper tight. Super. Duper.

READ: it fits every shape imaginable but we'll ALL have to wiggle a lil' something to get into them.

Did I mention that at full price they only cost $69.50?

Pish, c'mon son. I'll see you in the checkout line.

lookin more like the Bronx...

So I'm really starting to believe that ignorance is way too underrated. Mmm-hmm... There are just some things that I'm just never going to understand and clearly, better off never even knowing about.

Exhibit A: the seeming "normal" French couple that just so happened to have eight and counting newborns buried in their backyard garden?

BLANK STARE

EIGHT babies? Dude, how were they able to snatch EIGHT (probably more) babies and nobody noticed? Now I don't have kids, so I could be wrong... Howsomever, if my newborn offspring suddenly went missing, I'd probably want to tell somebody. You know, like file a report with the police, do a TV appearance, maybe put up a flyer.... or something. Right? SMH.

I'm just so confused.

Oh and for the record, the attached six minute Bodega Queen- Busted remix that I receive courtesy of one GPayton, is NOT helping my state of mind. At all.

*proceeds to vogue on the corner*

tellin' all my business...

I can't believe I'm saying this outloud but maybe, just maybe, Facebook isn't all bad.

Randomly came across this video on on my homepage this morn- thanks Ms. Morgan! I totally forgot how much I loved this song. Momentarily took my breath away.

And then the dialogue? Priceless.

Enjoy.

SIDEBAR: does anyone know the name of this actress? I'd love to know what she's up to nowadays...

stealin' sneakers from behind the speakers...

So I started out the day thinking, "Wow. I really need to say an extra prayer for President Obama. 'Cause it seems like every other day it's something else. If it's not the recession, health care, BP's oil spill or an improper firing of an official then it's the leaking of classified military documents that make the entire administration look CRAZY for A) allowing top secret info to get out and B) continuing to send our soldiers into a war that we obviously cannot win. It's too much.

BUT THEN, I saw the senseless tragedy that are the pics of Foxy Brown from her performance at B.B. Kings on TheYBF.com...

Umm.

First of all, who are her family and friends? Because aside the fact that some fool co-signed on the idea of a wearing brown leather mini in the middle of July- as a woman, I can take one look at this ridiculous contraption and know that she needed about two or three strong people to help squeeze her fat ass into it. So before I even go a sentence further, be very, very clear, whomever those people are- they HATE her. HATE.

Now beyond the obvious treachery, what the hell happened to her body? I'm not saying people aren't allowed to gain weight. Especially since Foxy has clearly been on a permanent hiatus since Jay-Z stopped hitting her off with lyrics and whatever else your dirty little minds can imagine. DEAD FISH EYES. But forreal? What in the lopsided hell happened to Inga? About the skinny chicken legs, multiple Michelin tires around the waist, fat boobs hanging out around her belly button and still no eyebrows in 2010? Uh, uh Ms. Marchand, no bueno.

And the absolutely worst part to me? WHAT'S GOING ON WITH HER TEETH?? Why in the world is it all dark, black and empty where her back molars should be?? AAAHHHHH! And ya'll already know, how I feel about the dentist... *gags* But I'll tell you what, this rotten tooth smile nonsense right here makes me want to bump appointment up to like, tomorrow.

I mean... I'm just so sad. It's so awful how far she's fallen. SMH. Perhaps we should all just be thankful that her cotton panties match her nail polish.

No? Not going for that? *kanye shrug* Fuckkit. At least I tried...

*cues Brand Nubian's 'Slow Down' and turns it ALL the way up*

i've got you covered giveaway...

Although it feels like a thousand degrees outside, according to retailers it's time to start thinking about the fall. So to help you get your mind right, the generous folks at The Gap have been so kind as to send me one cropped washed denim jacket from their fabulous Gap 1969 Premium jeans line in a SIZE MEDIUM* to give away to a Moments reader.

Yup, just like Janet says, "It's All for You!"

Now here's what you've got to do:

*MANDATORY*

• Leave me one comment telling me which was your favorite Moments post of all time and why.

• If you're not already, become a Mitzi Moments subscriber (you MUST verify your email subscription to qualify).

FOR EXTRA ENTRIES (please come back & post a separate comment for each one you do)

• TWEET I just entered the @MitziMoments 'I've Got You Covered' giveaway for a free Gap 1969 Premium Jean Jacket. http://tinyurl.com/22rpauz

• BECOME a Mitzi Moments Member through the Google follower link on site.

• FOLLOW @mitzimoments on Twitter & send me a message letting me know you've done so.

• BLOG about this giveaway.

• JOIN the official Mitzi Miller Author/ Journalist/ Opinionated Personality Facebook Fan Page HERE (leave a comment on the FB page letting me know you've done so).

THIS CONTEST ENDS AT 11:59 P.M. on THURSDAY, JULY 29, 2010. THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON THURSDAY, AUGUST 5, 2010. It is open to residents in the continental U.S. and Canada. *The jean jacket is only available in a size medium. In my opinion, it fits a little snugly.

gotta look good for the cameras...

In case I never have the opportunity to tell you again, cuteness kills.

Exhibit A: my screwed up right knee.

See what had happened was ... Instead of scaling back on the daily run when my knee started to ache and swell weeks ago, I stupidly decided to keep going. Why you ask? Um, cause my hardheaded self decided that just once I wanted to hit my exact weight loss goal. Now my dumbass is limping around the crib until I get the results from this MRI test I've scheduled for next week. (And no, I still ain't hit anywhere near the target weight.)

So because of said screwed up knee I am now only able to use the recumbent bike. (You know the one where all the old ladies sit down, ride and gossip?) DEAD FISH EYES. Mmm-hmm... Oh wait, you hear that? MWAH. That's the sound of me kissing my weight loss goal good-bye. Sigh. I know, I know.

But at least while I'm stuck on the bikes with all the little fat ladies, I have an excuse to indulge in one of my fave guilty pleasures- Maury. PAUSE. Don't judge me. Ya'll know I live for the drama and craziness that is trash talk TV (Besides, nothing says pedal faster than the fat asses that appear on that show).

And don't act like you're not just AMAZED at the ignorance these people are so willing to display for the cost of a paternity test. My fave from this morning? "That baby has blue eyes. I'm Puerto Rican. We don't have blue eyes." Um sir, the child's mother is an Irish red head.

ROFL ROFL ROFL

Yo, where do these people come from? How do they still exist in 2010?

Honestly, not sure I'll ever have an answer for any of those questions. But I can tell you one thing- I damn sure know where they'll be shopping for clothes the next time they get knocked up by Rakim (or is it really his best friend Raheem's baby?).

Mmm-hmm, thanks to Forever 21's new maternity line, Love21 all the underage and barely legal moms-to-be can now cop stylish maternity clothes at bargain basement prices.

Isn't this great? Aren't you relieved that a company that fervently donates to the conservative right and takes the time to print the phrase John 3:16 on the bottom of their shopping bags is now making sure that teenage moms have access fly gear?

Nice.

I know I'll sleep better at night.

yo, where are his clothes...

Oh. My. GOD. This video is so many things, and every last one a damn shame.

Real talk? Can't nobody tell me that YouTube wasn't created by the devil explicitly to drive people to commit social suicide. The. End.

"Can I be the one that hold you dooooown? Can I be the one that hold you doooown? "

Err-um 50 Tyson, wherever your mumble mouth ass is "uptown in Minnesota," puh-lease stop the madness. Not now but RIGHT now. Sounding like a cross between an severely injured basset hound and a freshly paroled rapist on the prowl... Dude, neither this nor any of the SEVENTEEN other videos you got posted are the business.

Oh and just so you know, I blame the ENTIRE Republican party for this shit right here.

Mmm-hmm... Had they voted to extend jobless aid, this fool could've paid somebody to give him a shirt and clue. But no. Instead of looking for a job that requires the intelligence of a 1st grader, this neanderthal is spending his days trolling through the woods, looking like a mentally challenged serial killer, screeching made-up songs and threatening radio station djs.

(And all foolishness aside, this is the kind of illiterate nonsense that those crazy ass TeaBaggers play at their recruitment rallies to get hype. SMH. We have got to do better folks.)

*drops to my knees and prays*

a mouthful...

Uuugh, just got the call from the dentist's office. It's time for the bi-annual cleaning. FML.

I hate going to the dentist. No, I mean I really, really HATE going to the dentist. Like, I get freaked out from the moment I enter the building until my feet hit the sidewalk on the way home. And please don't let me me actually need to have something more than a quick cleaning done... Oh uh-uh, more times than I care to share, tears have rolled down my face in that godforsaken office.

DEAD FISH EYES.

And I understand that I should be used to it by now but no matter how hard I try and psyche myself into thinking it's no big deal, I can't relax. I just don't like anyone scraping, scratching and lasering all up in my mouth. Cause not for nothing but the minute they mess up, I gotta walk around a shitty wreck for the next week or so. And I don't care how apologetic they are, there's NOTHING worse than when your teeth hurt. You can't eat, sleep, hear, or even think without being in pain! Sigh.

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest. I guess I'll call this chick back and make my appointment. Dammit.

tell the truth, shame da devil...

Hold up one goddamn minute! Why'd I just hear on the radio that K-Ci and Jo-Jo have a new album AND a reality show coming soon? BLANK STARE. You know what... the Devil is a liar and I will not succumb. Nope, no ma'am I will not. I rebuke this tomfoolery in the name of Dalvin, Devonte and an old school Mary J ass whooping.

*backflips into a bedazzled Walmart casket*

I'm so sorry, but dem two crackheads have been nothing but two strong hits out of a grave for the longest. Exhibit A: the above video clip where Jo-Jo falls the hell out mid-performance and K-Ci kindly steps over that big ass as he continues to wail, OOOOOOOO YEAH!!!

Uh, huh. And you know why? Cause he sees that nigga black out e'ryday and what?

So no. I CANNOT imagine what kind of "hot" new material they could call themselves putting out.... Unless it's an instrumental album accompanied by sounds of an inhale, choke and cough.

DEAD FISH EYES

SMH. Forget about that Dru Hill nonsense that Keith Sweat is trying to peddle. This right here is about to be a damn shame of Whitney & Bobby epic proportions...

*immediately jots down reminder note to be on the look out for commercials*

paging ted & peggy bundy...

I'm convinced celebrity marriage and divorce are the new American Apparel leggings and off-the shoulder t-shirt.

No, seriously. What else could explain the latest tomfoolery that is Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston's engagement announcement? Talking about they took Tripp for a walk and voila, they're back in love. Um, didn't I JUST see Levi clowning the shit out of the entire Palin pack on Kathy Griffin's 'My Life on the D-List' two seconds ago???

DEAD FISH EYES

And let's not even get started with Ochocinco's dating show, The Ultimate Catch. Which for those who missed the hour and a half long premiere it's basically the 2010 Flavor of Love with a better looking buffoon for these nickel and dime hookers to chase. Mmm-hmm, yeah I said it. The man is a wealthy B-U-F-F-O-O-N.

But regardless of what I think about Chad's personality and proclivity for coonery, there is one thing that I will commend the Pro-Bowler for- he keeps it 100.

When it comes to dating, there are two things he's never made any bones about:

1) he not attracted to Black women

2)he's treats all women like expendable objects

Three days later and I'm still laughing my ass off at the memory of the shocked expression on the faces of all the pretty, young, excited Black girls in the original group of 85 contestants as he walked up and whispered ever ever so gently, "Sweetheart, you're cut." You know, like he really cared about their feelings and shit. And then, in the very next breath he green lights this plastic looking white woman who I swear to God/Jehovah/ Allah looks old enough to be his damn mother.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I am so not mad at him. And I don't think Black women should be either. Nope, not at all. Like my mom always reminded me, why share your toys with someone who doesn't like you? Fuck that. You don't want me, I don't want you. No hard feelings, it is what it is. Onward.

Think of it like this: Now, those same pretty girls can take that all that fresh weave (that probably cost all of of their rent money for the next 2 months) to a club and find a fool who'll appreciate their $55 metallic spandex pants.

the end of an era...

Oh wow, George M. Steinbrenner passed away today.

Say what you want about the man's personal politics and the ruthless way that he conducted business (i.e. that whole paying a gambler to dig up dirt on Dave Whitfield while he was still on the squad was a lot even for us die hard fans), at the end of the day- the man got it done. Out of a failed sports team and built a championship franchise that while at times may be a little messy (side eyes A-Rod) remains unrivaled.

*tips my fave fitted*

RIP George.

the year of the downgrade continues...

And to think, I was worried that missing out on all of last week's Oscar Grant and LeBron James craziness was going to leave me with nothing to discuss this morning.

*mails a thank you card to Terius Nash*

Sigh. Oh The Dream... Getting caught on the romantic rendezvous in the Caribbean with your slutty personal assistant? Really? Does it get more cliche than that?

I must say the images of Terius in his beachwear glory: extra snug pink-n-white striped board shorts, jiggly man-boobs and Buddha gut with the dark permanent side crease frolicking in the ocean with the equally sloppy body trick (how are you're supposed to be the sexy sidepiece w the loosey goosey tummy & unflattering flattering 2-piece, ma?) for the all of the paparazzi to photograph sickens me to my soul.

But I guess we shouldn't be that surprised that the Umpa Luma is this sloppy. His comments about Christina and their home life since she got pregnant have been nothing short of blatantly disrespectful. And that's to say nothing of the ignorant first single from the crappy ass album that he released last week, "Make Up Bag." Talking about, "If you ever make your girlfriend mad. Don't let your good girl bad. Drop five stacks on the make up bag."

Simple ass negro.

Granted, I've always thought Christina Emillian was kind of typical. You know what I mean: cute, marginally talented with some very obvious signs of gold digger tendencies when it comes to the men she chooses to date. *shrug* But still... ain't no lifestyle worth this type of humiliation. At the end of the day, homeboy put the ring on it. Knocked-up or not, the two could've just co-parented if he didn't intend to TRY to be monogamous.

Maybe LaLa and Melo were onto something by waiting five years to actually get married....

puttin myself in the timeout corner...

For the record, I had the bestest time down in New Orleans. I literally ate till I made myself sick- catfish, po'boys, oysters, alligator sausage, friend chicken liver, beignets and hurricanes galore. And then was back at it 20 min later- No judgements please. Saw some really great shows for free- Janet and Mary tore the Superdome DOWN. And that's to say nothing of the plethora of friendly eye candy...

Cough *you already know* Cough

Yeah, it was a pretty fantastic. But it's nice to be back in New York. Even with the 102 degree weather, there's still no place like home.

Howsomever, part of being back at the crib means making the money to keep the A/C on. Le Sigh. So in an effort to catch up on some very overdue work, I'm gonna have to take the rest of the week off from the tomfoolery and focus.

No worries, I promise to be back at it next Monday. Until then...

*cues Empire State of Mind at maximum volume*

feeling real jazzy...

Are you ready for the weekend?!? I sure am. 'Cause yours truly will be celebrating the Fourth of July down in N'awlins at my very first Essence Music Festival.

READ: eating myself into a complete cajun stupor for the next the three and a half days.

*wipes the string drool dangling from the corner of my mouth*

So while I'm busy putting back on the pounds that my trainer has so painstakingly helped me lose over the last 2 months and jammin' on the ones to Alicia, Mary and Janet "Ms. Jackson If You Nasty', you all have yourselves a wonderful holiday weekend!

*cues the soundtrack to Treme and gets to steppin'*

BBQs, Warm Weather & Fireworks for E'rybody!!!