stop the presses...

So about this reality show fights montage the Daily News compiled... Um yeah.

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While I feel like we've seen most of them in commercial snippets, it's certainly shocking as shit when you run them all together. And just between you and me, it's even more shocking was that there was not ONE black person involved in this craziness.

*light bulb goes off*

Of course, that's why it's suddenly a mainstream concern. 'Cause now that reality shows are capturing the Kardashians caught up in domestic violence and teen moms from middle America slap boxing over the little black boy in the mugshot it's DEFINITELY a crisis.

Yeah, now I totally understand.

time to dial down the meds...

WAYMENT, what in the slew-footed hell happened to Britney Spears' rhythm??

Granted, I'd read the rumblings on Twitter about the GMA performance being a little shakey bakey but I charged that on the time of the day. I mean, anyone coming from the west coast *cough* that's as hopped up on anti-depressants as Miss Spears *cough* might be a little sleepy and off beat at 7.30am.

But now this Kimmel Show catastrophe? Oh uh-uh. This my darling is ree-diculous.

Could she have been anymore lackluster? Or out of shape? Seriously, homegirl went from sexy hourglass to a straight cardboard box. And please don't get me started on the square 2-inch heels or that god awful, green & black criss-crossed onsey which was doing nada except making her look like the Incredible Hulk.

Oh Brit-Brit.

And let's be honest, when the dancing fails to entertain, we're forced to actually listen to the auto-tune nonsense you're passing off as music nowadays. Who wants that?

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Exactly.

this is not the sticky icky...

Hmm, so I was listening to the radio this morning and Snoop was on air promoting his new album, Doggumentary. And truth be told, I didn't even know Snoop had a new song out let alone an entire album.

At first, I felt badly. I thought to myself, "DAYUM I'm getting old. I mean, how can I not know when a new Snoop album is dropping??"

So naturally, I immediately google the first (and apparently, ONLY) video from the album. And err-um, yeah. I'm not that old. This ish is just not remotely noteworthy. In fact, it's kinda bad.

No offense my nizzle.

*shrugs & goes back to listening to my iTunes library*

my bad homie...

Little known Mitzi Fact: I used to date a dude who refused to swim in the ocean.

I mean, 'ole boy would spend all day in a pool but when it came to the ocean? No ma'am. He straight up, would not go into the water any further than his knees. Ever.

Why?

"Cause things we can't always see live in there."- the ex-BF

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Naturally, as an avid swimmer and certified beach addict, his random explanation did not make a lick of sense to me. And I used to CLOWN him. Mercilessly.

But after viewing this CNN video taken off the coast of Florida? Well, let's just say I now understand.

time to do some soul searching...

Well err-um, alright then. How's about I'm going to go on and file this video under, "Things That Make Me Feel Better About Sleeping In On Sunday Mornings."

My boy Jelani sent this to me and asked me to comment but honestly, I don't think there's much to say aside from, the devil is a busy man & of course, let us pray.

Seriously.

Because I certainly understand people needing something to believe in to get through these hard times but dancing through dollars? Well, lets just...

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the upside of progress...

LOVE it when technology gets it right.

Just read about this new computer program called "Silence of the Celebs" that will filter out any mentions of which ever celebrity you are most tired of reading about from your online news media just by entering their names.

Mind you, it's totally not limited to celebs. Feel free to filter out any topic of choice. (So basically, we can all pretend that Sarah Palin, the entire Tea Party and the ignorant Arizona GOP don't even exist.)

Although currently it only works on Twitter, NYTimes, CNN, Huffington Post, NYPost, Google News, Gawker, Mashable and TMZ; the creators are working on expanding it more sources as I type.

And and wait on it... it's FREE.

Check it out HERE. You can thank me later.

he don't wanna win...

Dang, prayers up for C-Breezy this morning. That child can't seem to get out of his way.

Apparently this morning, homeboy flew into a rage mid- Good Morning America taping after being prodded one too many times about the Rihanna incident. According to sources, he ripped off his shirt, broke a mirror and smashed a window. talking about, he's tired of people bring up the past... and the difference between his treatment and Charlie Sheen.

Mind you, his album F.A.M.E drops today.

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You know, I'm not even going to bother getting into the fact that as long as that little boy BREATHES, people are not going to tire of asking him about bashing Rihanna's face in OR the fact that Charlie Sheen is a grown ass WHITE man who's been in this game for longer than Chris has been alive. So no, he'll never receive equal treatment. The End.

Instead, I'm just going to point out that across the board music critics have given this album notably favorable reviews. Which is a pretty big deal for any artist nowadays let alone one that stays on the wrong side of public opinion. Okay?

Bottom Line:

Boo, you're 21 yrs-old. Watching you self-destruct has become exhausting. Enough of the temper tantrums, nude pics, ridiculous dye job and slew of angry tweets. You live a charmed life that MILLIONS of folks would barter their first born to enjoy. Grow up & act like you appreciate it.

Please & Thanks.

def worth a matinee...

Truth be told, it's been a loooooong time since I've seen a trailer for a Cameron Diaz movie that I was remotely interested in spending my money on. And by looooong, I'm talking "Something About Mary" type years. Okay?

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But this weekend, I actually saw one that made me laugh out loud and spill my popcorn. Mmm-hmmm... sure did. Now, I can't say I'd be that surprised if the trailer turns out to be the sum total of the funniest portions of the film. But hey, let's keep hope alive, shall we?

Happy First Day of Spring!

it ain't right, but I surely understand...

YIKES!

This video of a grown ass white woman getting beat up on the subway by two teenagers is NUTS. This is EXACTLY the reason that as soon as the weather warms up, my little behind chooses to walk as much as possible.

Cause not for nothing, NYC Public Transportation Survival Rule #1: MIND YA BUSINESS.

READ: if it ain't a rape, robbery, gang assault or a freaking bomb, keep it moving.

Honestly, I don't know what kind of Rocky Balboa juice the so-called ADULT in this situation was sipping but there was no reason for her to comment on what that CHILD is eating. I don't care is if it smelled like dog crap. As long as she wasn't spilling the food, it is what it is.

AND she called the teenager an animal??

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I hate to say it but, there ain't enough koom-ba-ya/ turn the other cheek/ goodwill in the WORLD for that last comment right there. Ever.

*shrugs & walks away*

the times they are a changing...

Oh shoot, according to my Mac dashboard, today's temperatures are going to reach 62 degrees! WOO HOO! THANK YOU ST. PATRICK!

*back flips off the couch into a full split*

On a not so joyous note, just got the dreaded email notice from The New York Times. Apparently, they've finally decided to implement digital subscriptions for access to the website. *sad little nephew face* According to the notice, as of March 28th:

On NYTimes.com, you'll be able to view 20 articles each month for free (including slide shows, videos and other features). After 20 articles, they'll ask you to become a digital subscriber, with full access to the site.

On the smartphone and tablet apps, the Top News section will remain free of charge. For access to all other sections within, they'll ask you to become a digital subscriber.

On the marginally brighter side, readers who come to Times articles through links from search, blogs and social media like Facebook and Twitter will be able to read those articles, even if they have reached their monthly reading limit. Although for some search engines, users will have a daily limit of free links to Times articles.

Le sigh.

We all knew it was coming but damn, damn, DAMN.

*shakes fist at the sky & starts searching for gold coins in between the couch cushions*

all dogs go to heaven...

It's few & far in between that a man can successfully croon a sexually explicit, profanity-laced threat so smoothly that you forget to be offended and simply sing along.

Sigh.

The 213 & hip-hop lost another great one today. RIP Nate Dogg

*pours out a little gin & juice*

don't just look, do something...

Gotta tell you, the headlines today really blew me: 6.1 aftershocks in Japan as the nuclear radiation wafts through the air, a Queens teen beat to death in a gay bias attack, the 3 year-old suffering through alcohol withdrawal in Britain, the giant panda that bit it's San Diego zookeeper and yet another bus accident.

Oh and let us not forget the on-going drama in Cleavland, TX where the 11 year-old girl was viciously gang-raped by EIGHTEEN boys & men in a deserted FEMA trailer.

*shudders uncontrollably*

I mean, it's all good fine to be on our individual grinds but at a certain point, you gotta stop and look around. And then, take responsibility for what's happening. I hope that everyone reading this post is involved in some sort of positive, community service that will change another person's life for the better. Cause it's a small world. And every day the crazy gets a little closer to our homes.

*gets off of soapbox & volunteers more time w/ Hip Hop 4 Life*

the gospel according to Lifetime...

Uuugh. Just read a story in the NY Daily News about a 23 year-old Queens woman who was shot and killed by muggers after she allegedly refused to give up her purse. Can you imagine? But wait on it... why was her husband standing right next to her when all the drama went down??

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Yo. Not to be insensitive to the tragic nature of this situation but how in the world is your husband gonna stand there and let you get into a back & forth bunch of thugs with guns?

Uh-uh, there's no way.

Even IF homegirl didn't have the commonsense God gave a billy goat and was really acting belligerent over a damn purse, as a loving spouse it was HIS responsibility to step in & snatch that handbag right outta her hands. And after the muggers left, then the two could've beefed about it later.... as opposed to him now burying her six feet under.

I'm jussayin.

*cough* $50 says homeboy collects a major life insurance policy & runs off with the sidechick in t-minus two seconds.*cough*

spread the good news & support...

Okay, so I'm definitely going to the movies this weekend to support my super talented collegue, Ava DuVernay's feature debut, "I Will Follow." Based on her relationship with her late aunt, the film has been receiving stellar reviews from critics, including my old school fave Roger Ebert.

WOO HOO!

Oh and did I mention that not ONLY did Ava write & direct, she also FUNDED the film herself?!?!

*standing for slow clap*

Oh and while we're talking about movies I'm extra hype about, I cannot WAIT to see THIS:

"Like Water for Elephants" is my BOOK! And despite weird looking Robert Pattinson, I still think it's going to be an AH-Mazing film.

*grabs the popcorn & starts to drool*

think God was tired of Charlie Sheen too...

When I woke up and saw the weather, I started complain that it was still raining. But then I turned on the news (okay, really I logged into Twitter) and saw the tweets about the 8.9 magnitude earthquake and subsequent tsunami off the coast of Japan. And immediately, I what? Shut the hell up. And I started to pray.

HARD.

Multiple TOWNS- not a couple of houses or cars- TOWNS full of men, women and children were completely washed away in a matter of minutes.

*makes the sign of the cross*

Honestly, this is a helluva wake up call for the entire world.

My heart sincerely goes out to the families & friends of anyone affected by the tragedy.

about to hit a strip mall...

Oh Jesus, may the fashion gods forgive me, for I have SINNED. Here is my confession:

Since the snow finally melted, I've been trying to spend more time walking in the fresh air. You know, as opposed to being cramped up in a sweaty subway car full of thousands of people with different (and often questionable) hygiene habits.

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So yesterday I decided to go cop a new pair of walking sneakers. And at some point, during the 20 minutes I was in the store I noticed that the majority of the sales girls were wearing Sketchers Shape-Ups. Which strikes me as odd because of all the options at their disposal- Asics, Nike, Reebok, New Balance; these women ALL voluntarily picked ugly ass SKETCHERS? WTH?

So I pulled this cute little black girl who clearly didn't require any shaping to the side and asked her what was really hood with everyone wearing the official Guido housewife sneakers. And she told me, it had nothing to do with a promotion or even toning up. According to her, they are simply the most comfortable sneakers she's worn in LIFE.

I'm sure you can already see where this is going...

Next thing I know, my highly impressionable ass is trying them on. And I gotta tell you, that girl ain't NEVA lied. Like my grey suede Uggs- FUGLY beyond words but feel like MAGIC on my feet. SMDH.

Needless to say, I am now the mortified owner of a new pair of Sketchers Shape-Ups.

*hangs head in shame & disbelief*

I hate myself right now.

Amen.

and if you don't know, now you know...

Can't believe it's been FOURTEEN years since Biggie died.

I was at my girl Jakissa's wedding reception last night and the DJ started playing a 5-song Notorious set. Believe me when I tell you, as soon as the first beat hit the energy of entire party shot up 10 points like it was back in 1994. You know those days when dancing for hours in 5-in heels didn't actually hurt your feet until the next morning/ afternoon when you finally woke up.

But that's what good music does.

R.I.P. Christopher Wallace.

happy ash wednesday...

Dang. Just finished reading the New York Times article about the 21 Catholic priests in Philadelphia that were recently suspended for sexual abuse of a minor and/ or boundary issues with them.

DEAD FISH EYES

But wait on it... a grand jury report issued on February 10th of 2010 accused the Philadelphia Archdiocese of a widespread cover-up of predatory priests, stretching over decades, and said that as many as 37 priests remained active in the ministry despite credible accusations against them. And naturally, at the time the cardinal vehemently denied the claim.

And then this. A entire YEAR later.

Le sigh.

I feel so sad for all the victims who were put in harm's way because the Catholic Church refuses to be accountable. Life is hard enough nowadays without having your faith in your religious leaders destroyed over and over again.

picked my poison...

Dearest Baby Jesus,

I know I really shouldn't enjoy this new Trina song as much as I do. Especially with tired ass T-Pain harmonizing in the background. But the beat is hot and the lyrics are HEE-larious. And well, the only other alternative at the moment is Willow Smith's torturous '21st Century Girl.'

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Forgive me and all the women that will identify with the words of the song.

Amen.
Trina Ft. T-Pain-Ghetto by Freaknik

new patron saint of hoodrats...

So err-umma yeah, about the ultimate gheotto ish that was last night's season finale of VH1's Basketball Wives...

DEAD FISH EYES

Normally, I prefer to simply voice my opinion on the reality TV tomfoolery on Twitter as it happens and then pretend I never saw the mess the next day. But I gotta tell you, Evelyn Lozada's "performance" at Chad OchoCinco's Cincinnati condo is worthy of additional airtime on the blog.

Why? Because out of all the chicks on that godawful show, she kept it 110% real.

If you ever wondered why the majority of these athletes & "ballers," get so caught up and turned out by random dirty chicks like Kim Zoziack or Evelyn? Well my darlings, mystery solved.

It takes a certain mentality to break out the Kmart lingerie, thigh-high boots, and hop up on a dude's lap you've only talked to over Skype- IN FRONT of an entire camera crew. Now had they been alone, that would've just been classified as grown folk business. Reckless but still, two consenting adults, I have no opinion. But the decision to make it happen for national TV? Well....

That right there ladies & gents, is a certified slut out mission to the highest power. Cause please believe, there were at least four other people in that room with them. And clearly, Ms. Lozada could have cared less.

Mind you, this is the same chick whose daughter is on her way to college this year. Pause. Can you imagine how she felt watching her mother get her ass palmed and carried up the stairs in return for a airplane ticket and plate of food??

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Mmm-hmm, just KLASSY.

it's the little things...

With all of that rain, yesterday seemed like such a cold and miserable day. But after watching this video of a cow in stranded in an Indiana farm field by a flood, I will not complain. At all.

Life is good.

you tell me...

So I was listening to the radio this morning and the co-hosts were having a heated debate about whether marriage was relevant nowadays. And I have to tell you, I was genuinely blown by the fact that none of the three (2 guys and a girl) saw any point to the institution in today's society.

Really?

Because despite the fact that I am nowhere near ready to be locked in a legal union myself, I do wholeheartedly believe that healthy marriages are more relevant they've ever been. Mind you, I said HEALTHY marriages.

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The way I see it a healthy marriage forces people to share, communicate, respect and cooperate with another person even when he or she is not getting exactly what they want.

Which is EXACTLY what's lacking in the world today.

I mean, what do guys think? Sure, it's not for everybody but in the grand scheme of life does that mean marriage isn't relevant? Or am I just a throwback romantic who needs to stop listening to crappy NYC morning radio and go get her taxes done?

#planbetter...

I admit it. I started following Charlie Sheen on Twitter this morning.

*hangs head in shame*

I know, I know, I'm totally enabling the crazy. But I have to tell you, the tomfoolery is just so damn entertaining. And I don't care how great folks say his performances were in "Two and A Half Men" ('cause I have yet to watch a single episode), something tells me it hardly compares to the comedy that is now Charlie's "tigersblood" and his "bi-winning."

HEE-larious.

Oh but I can tell you who's NOT winning this morning:

Bringham Young University basketball star, Brandon Davies.

Nope. Not one bit. Homeboy done got himself suspended for the rest of the season. Mmm-hmm...

According to the Salt Lake Tribune, despite being the team's leading rebounder and third leading scorer, the forward was dismissed from the No. 3 Cougars for the rest of the season for breaking the school's moral code when he-WAIT ON IT- admitted to engaging in sexual relations with his girlfriend.

As most of you know, BYU is a private university run by the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-day Saints. And them folk in Utah do not play that ish. At. All.

Apparently, the administration fully expects all its students to live up to the school's Honor Code Statement which among other things includes abstaining from alcohol, coffee and living "a chaste and virtuous life."

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Okay then... Ya'll better stop playing the reindeer games with them Mormons.

*pours out a little holy water*

pride goes before the fall...

Not for nothing, somebody might wanna send a prayer up for Pastor Grant Storms' soul ASAP.

Cause apparently, the prominent New Orleans based Christian leader, who is best known for using a bullhorn to protest an annual three-day gay parade as "depraved"and describes masturbation as an immoral act, was just caught jerking off in his van. At a public park. During the day. While kids were around.

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Talking about, the TWO witnesses were confused. He was just peeing in a bottle... That is, until whatever tiny sense of honesty he actually has kicked in. Then the hypocrite finally confessed to beating off.

I mean, if this isn't just... typical.

*drops the rosary beads and walks away*