why i refuse to go to queens...

Whew! It is good to be home.

Love LA to death but there's nothing like waking up in my own bed and NOT having to sit in traffic for an hour and a half just for a simple 45 minute meeting. Okay?

Anyhoo, so I see I arrived back home just in time for the nonsense to pop off. Mmm-hmm... In what can only be described as a scene straight out of Law & Order (the original MYC-based joint NOT this LA spin-off nonsense), some group of fool ass jurors had the nerve and audacity to ACQUIT that sicko rape-text suspect from Queens.

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Now for those who are unfamiliar, this pint-size pervert climbed in through the unlocked kitchen window of a waitress that he'd apparently been stalking, grabbed a kitchen knife and repeatedly raped her in her bedroom while her family was asleep down the hall. THEN, after he was finished, he asked her for her cell number so that "maybe we could still be friends."

*gags*

So basically, homegirl gives him her number (cause who's telling the man that just repeated raped you and threatened to kill you and your entire family, anything but yes???) in hopes that he'd be stoopid enough to call and she could give his the number to the cops.

Well in what could only be described as a minor miracle, the genius calls WHILE the police are at the house investigating. And he even cops to the rape during his monitored conversation with the girl Talking about, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Don't get me in trouble."

DEAD SILENCE

Yet and still, despite the recorded phone call admission & evidence from her rape kit, the irresponsible jury acquitted this psycho because "there were no signs of forced entry."

Um, since when does a person have to force his way through an open window???

I. Can't.

*orders Antoine Dobson's Sex Offender Tracker app*

he ain't no kinda friend...

So last night the bestie forwarded me an article from the Detroit Free Press Newspaper. And I swear, it is the craziest story I've heard all week. Okay, wait. I take that back. It's the SECOND craziest behind presumptuous ass Ginny Thomas leaving stalker voicemails. But anyhoo I digress...

Apparently, this past Tuesday afternoon, a Detroit man shot and killed a would-be carjacker when the assailant tried to stick him up at a gas station. The victim, Omar Mixion was filling up his Escalade (BLANK STARE for still pushing such a ridiculous gas guzzler in 2010) when 20 year-old Kenyon Reese Jr came up from behind and demanded the truck at gunpoint.

Well, turns out Kenyon wasn't the only one packing heat that afternoon. Your man Omar has a license to carry a concealed weapon. And so he refused to give up the keys to the Caddy and 'ish went DOWN straight wild, wild west style.

When it was all said and done, the wanna be jacker was dead and Mixon was hospitalized with hits under his eye, in an arm, leg, through his hip and backside.

N-U-T-S.

So THEN, the article goes on to report eyewitness testimony from a woman who happened to be inside the gas station when all the madness erupted. And I quote:

"Lonya Smoot said she heard the gunshots when she was in the gas station buying a lottery ticket Tuesday night, playing her favorite four digits: 1-0-1-1. **

'The manager said, 'Hit the floor!' Smoot said. 'And that's what I did.'

The station attendant, she said, locked the doors from the inside, but a woman inside who was with the carjacking victim yelled, 'Oh my god! That's my man!' and he let her outside.

Smoot said the other woman came back in with another younger woman and a child. Smoot said she believes both were in the SUV when the would-be carjacker tried to steal the vehicle."

And while police confirm the eyewitness's account, turns out Omar's wife Brenda Mixon and her children were NOT part of the aforementioned group of women and child at the gas station when the incident occurred.

SILENCE.

But wait on it... Here's the BEST part. And I quote:

"Brenda Mixon said she doesn't know who was with her husband, who initially denied that there was another woman present.

Right now, Mixon said, she wants to focus on getting her husband of 10 years and father of her two children better.

'When he gets better, then I will talk to him about everything else,' she said. 'That's my husband, that's my heart, that's my best friend right there.'

She said she's glad her husband was carrying a gun.

'Whoever has a CCW, do not be afraid to use it,' she said."

BLANK STARE w/ 3 LOOONG BLINKS.

So essentially, you co-signing on your man's trifling ass getting into a shoot out at a freaking GAS STATION over a piece of shit Escalade (insert image of the whole place exploding into high hell) while he's chilling with his jump-off and her kid?? And that's your best friend?? Sweetie, what the HELL kinda friends do you have??

*nosedives into the shallow end of the pool*

Yo. As for as I'm concerned, Omar deserves every bullet he took for that reckless ass shit he pulled. Quietly, he really needs to go to jail for public endangerment. Can you imagine how many people could've been killed just because his ego was too big to give up the truck?? SMDH.

Oh and as for his retarded, low-self-esteem having, co-signing wife?? She is EXACTLY why even the most random, average men continue to believe it's cool to behave badly in relationships. Yeah, I said it. 'Cause for every decent woman that says no to the nonsense, there are HUNDREDS of Brendas willing to look the other way even when the craziness lands on the front page of your freaking local newspaper. Talking about, 'that's your heart and when he gets better, you'll talk about everything else.' SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, good luck. Had Omar been married to me, after 10 YEARS and multiple CHILDREN, there wouldn't have been a home for him to return to whether we 'talked' about it or not.

Bet that.

*drops the mic & walks away*

**But, before I go, why are they reporting on this woman's lottery number picks?? DFP staff, I'm gonna need ya'll to tighten up on those writing skills ASAP. Thanks.

got my eye on this...

Well alrighty then, here's one way to nip that pesky meth problem in the bud. Literally.

Tired of the increasing rate of drug addicts giving birth to sick and dysfunctional children that they are incapable of caring for, Project Prevention a North Carolina based charity is now PAYING said addicts $300 not to have children.

Uh huh, you read that correctly, they're paying female and males addicts CASH to either insert an IUD, have tubes cut or have a vasectomy. Talking about, "They prefer to PREVENT a problem for $300 rather than paying millions after it happens in cost to care for a potentially damaged child."

Silence.

Now, in theory this sounds like a good idea. But I gotta keep it 1000, offering a crackhead $300 in exchange for your ability to procreate is not really a fair choice. Shoot, we've all seen those ghetto knock-out/ bum fight DVDS (or maybe that's was just me). Addicts will do soso much more for less when they are desperate for a fix.

Not to mention, I saw this same story recreated on Law & Order SVU years ago. At the time I thought the story was made up. Clearly I was wrong. Anyhoo, on the show, even when the addicts chose the temporary solution (the IUD) the rightwing nutjobs were straight sterilizing EVERYBODY. So what's to stop them from doing the same thing in real life??

And more importantly, I'd be very interested to see ethnic data breakdown of the addicts that are getting paid off by these concern white women. Cause if they're only targeting addicts of color, in some thinly veiled ethnic cleansing, I'm gonna have issues.

Real talk.

entitlement & licca don't mix...

And just like the basket of cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster the good times never end.

Just yesterday afternoon, I posted a story to my FB page about the loosey goosey woman in Pennsylvania that's locked up and rightfully serving fed time for attempting to poison her former best friend and husband's pregnant mistress with deadly chemicals she stole from the microbiology lab where she worked.

BLANK STARE

And now we've got Clarence Thomas's ridiculous right-wing nut ass wife Ginny leaving belligerent messages on Anita Hill's work phone. Talking about, "I would love you to consider an apology some time and some full explanation of why you did what you did with my husband."

Are you serious???

First of all, who the hell told GINNY that she had the right to ask for an apology from ANYONE? Forreal, she ain't nothing but a pompous, out-of-line, attention seeking 53- year old bish. I don't know which of her fellow Teabagging homegirls put the battery in her back and that fool gassed up, but alla them hoes are dead wrong for this nonsense.

I mean, let's keep it 1000. Ginny DOES NOT WANT IT with Ms. Anita. We all know her shady good-for-nothing, self-hating husband is guilty as the day is long. Okay? And even more importantly, this ain't 1991. Ron and Nancy ain't around to make folks testimonies disappear no more.

Ginny, you WILL get that lily white behind embarrassed if you keep up with the sheenanigans!

And not for nothing, it's been a THOUSAND years. Why is she even thinking about, let alone harassing this woman? And on a damn SATURDAY afternoon? Um hello, shouldn't you be spending time your husband/ family? Or what, Clarence left you home alone and forgot to lock the liquor cabinet AGAIN?

I mean, I can just see it now:

Ginny and her gang of bitter, bitchy, Lilly Pulitzer wearing, conservative Right croonies were sitting around in the manse, tossing back dry martinis like juice and complaining about why none of them were picked to be on the Real Housewives of DC. Next thing you know, one of the crypt keeper crew gets a little crunk and pipes up- "Yeah! Cause you know we got REAL drama! Shoot! Remember that trick Anita Hill, that tried to play your man Gin- Gin??" So then, Ginny takes another long swig before replying, "Hell yeah, I remember that ho. Matter-of-fact, I should call her." And the ball starts a rolling...

Just. Like. Like.

assed out in the most literal sense...

Wow. Just, Wow...

Apparently a top Canadian Commander (who frequently piloted planes for top political figures and dignitaries, including Queen Elizabeth II) just plead guilty to rape, murder and stealing HUNDREDS of pairs of women's underwear (mainly from adolescents & teens) during string of home invasion break-ins.

According to the NYT, 47 year-old Col. David Russell Williams, started the 2-year spree by simply breaking into his neighbors homes and stealing panties from the women AND children while the residents weren't home. But then, he progressed to assaulting the women while they were home.

First last September, he broke into the homes of two women near the air base where he was in command, forced them to strip, blindfolded and photographed them. A month later, he broke into the home of Cpl. Marie-France Comeau, an air force flight attendant based who had flown with him. The police said she died after being beaten and having her mouth and nose sealed with tape. Finally in late January, the second woman, Jessica Lloyd, 27, was reported missing. Her body was found Feb. 8.

Seriously? There are too many sick and twisted little details for me to even begin to get into. You should definitely read the entire breakdown HERE. But in the meantime, some of my most fave highlights include:

-he kept METICULOUS photographic records of all the break-ins, thefts and assaults which captions and all.

-he masturbated on a neighbor's daughter's bed

-he took pictures of himself- sexually aroused or masturbating- while wearing the stolen panties

-he stole 87 pairs of undies from the same high school girl in a single break-in

-this nutjob is MARRIED and living with his wife the entire time

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So err-um, guess who's NOT moving to Canada??

*both hands shoot up high in the air*

lets all send one up...

So I was totally going to use this post to go IN on the certified dumbass park rangers in Washington's Olympic National Park that encouraged the teasing and ABUSE of a mountain goat until the animal couldn't take it anymore. And ultimately, the it retaliated by GORING a innocent hiker (who had nothing to do with the years of throwing bean bags at the wild animal) to death.

But instead, I'm going to use all my energy to pray for Rutgers University defensive tackle Eric LeGrand.

This past Saturday, the 20 year-old got hit during a routine play in the game against Army and suffered an injury to the C-3 and C-4 level of his spine. He has been paralyzed from the neck down ever since. While doctors are still not sure if it's bruise or a complete break, the recovery from this is going to be long and challenging.

I shudder to imagine the terror that this promising young man and his family are experiencing at this very moment.

May God hear all our prayers for his speedy return to health.

co-signing on this one...

Well alrighty then. Looks like all the single moms have a new pint-sized champion. And you know what, I am not so mad. This video is super cute and the message is waaaay overdue.

Although, I have to say it's kinda pathetic that it takes a fourteen year-old rapper to make it clear to grown ass men that it's not appropriate to harass and cat call women (ever) but especially in front of their children.

BLANK STARE w/ 3 LOOONG BLINKS

Get it Astronomical Kid.

*Now if we could just get a song for the pregnant ladies getting catcalls...*

my money is on the back-hand...

Okay, so you know I'm like totally obsessed with this whole Chilean miner rescue situation, right?

Cause the lord knows that I can barely make it through twenty minutes in an MRI machine without having a claustrophobia induced panic attack, let alone 69 freaking days in a dark hole with no bathroom.

DEAD FISH EYES

Oh and, thanks to my Twitter fam @looseneck I'm really, really on pins and needles waiting on the rescue of the trifling miner who's wife discovered his affair when she met his mistress of several YEARS at a vigil by the collapsed mine. Talking about, "she heard another woman calling out his name."

BLANK STARE

I mean, can you even believe the audacity of this bish? Not only is she in an international forum laying claims to a married man but then she got the nerve to be out there carrying on and screaming louder than his damn wife?

When I tell you, 2010 is the year of the jump off?

And wait on it, here's the BEST part: Apparently neither woman is backing down. Both the wife and the mistress have publicly vowed to remain on site and wait for him to be brought to the surface. And then he'll have to choose. On international television.

*faints, regains consciousness and reaches for the popcorn*

Mark my words, SOMEBODY is getting their face smacked in on CNN before this is over.

so on it...

Aww, this promo commercial is too freaking adorable.

*happy sigh*

I love Sesame Street, especially poor hapless Grover. He's like the best blue monster EVER.

You know, kinda makes me wish I had a child of my very own to share this with... sorta. Okay no, not really. But I do think this video is as heartwarming as warm chocolate chip cookies. And that's saying a lot coming from my greedy behind.

Anyhoo, enjoy.

i wanna do-over...

Funny, I was just watching Lupe Fiasco's 'I'm Beamin' video on YouTube & wondering when in the music-business-red-tape-hell his label was going to put out his next album. And then, VOILA! Lupe and Pharrell are featured on Kanye's latest weekly release, 'Don't Stop'.

Now, that's the good news of the day.

The bad news?

Um yeah, I don't like this single. At. All.

Mind you, before anyone jumps down my throat- I've listened to it three times already. So please believe, it's not that I didn't TRY to enjoy. But at the end of the day, I just wasn't impressed. Sure, speeding up the song tempo makes for an interesting change of pace. But, in my humble opinion being different doesn't always make for good listening material.

And this song is a pain-in-the-butt to listen to.

No offense.

got my fireproof panties on...

Slow Friday for the sensational news... that is unless you count lame ass Chingy trying to refute the SECOND set of claims that he's knowingly had sex with a transsexual. Exactly.

Personally, I'm already too tapped out from the three hours I just spent on the phone with New York State Government trying to correct a commuter tax payment error (their fault as usual) to even bother to comment. Negro if you like girls w boy parts, that's your business. Stop apologizing for who you are.

BLANK STARE

Hopefully, things will pick up over the weekend. Or not. Nothing wrong with a nice quiet weekend every once in a while...

In the meantime, feel free to get a little laugh out of this photo. Cause you know I did.

i don't have the eye or stomach for it...

When it comes to careers, I firmly believe everyone should take the time to figure out what they love and more importantly, what they do well. And then, once you have that info- MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Cause there is nothing worse than spending a lifetime toiling away at something you don't give 2 shits about or worse, SUCK at.

Case in point: this photo from the Chloe Spring Summer 2011 runway shoe.

Now, I am willing to bet my LAST dollar that many naturally gifted fashionistas and stylists around the world are SWOONING over this overpriced piece of leather and plastic sewn together somewhere behind God's back in China. Mmm-hmm... I can just hear the high-pitched squeals now.

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I, on the other hand, am so distracted by the mangled toes on the model wearing said shoe, that I can't even utter a word. Let alone imagine myself wearing it. Chunky, golden plated kitten heel and all.

*sucks back of the teeth LOUDLY*

I mean seriously, who beat this poor girl's toes to a pulp like this? And with all the make-up artists on hand backstage, the best they could come up with was to throw some clear polish on them Fred Flinestone nails? As opposed to, I don't know, some damn cover-up?

Uuugh.

Like I said, everything ain't for everyone.

peta shld be more worried abt this than my full-length...

OMG, OMG, Oh My F'KING God!!! This video is crazy. I am so going to have nightmares for days behind this nonsense. Real talk, I can't even breath I'm so freaked out.

How the hell did this fool sit there and tape this attack? And he was there with his children? Are you freaking KIDDING me??? Please believe that I would've been snatched up my kid and hit the bricks from the moment I saw blood being drawn on the first bite.

Those poor men. I am literally shaking right now.

When I tell you that my kids are NEVER going to step foot anywhere near a damn one-ring circus in LIFE?!?!?!

Lord have mercy... I wonder what the trainers did behind the scenes to those lions that angered them to that point. SMDH.

*makes a sign of the cross with the right as I reach for a sedative with my left*

black done cracked...

Well goddamn, what in the accelerated aging process happened to Craig David??

Last time I looked he was this young British upstart with penchant for knit ski caps and EXTREMELY well groomed eyebrows boppin' around to his adorable single, 'Fill Me In'.

And now...

Shoot, negro looks like he been living through HARD times (and more than his far share of steroid shots to the ass).

Sigh. All I can say is, "let us pray."

*bows head & passes collection plate*

two times is the blessed charm...

Sometimes there's just so much craziness going on in the world that I have no choice but to block the most sensational sounding stories out.

Hence, why it took 5 days for me to actually bother to read the details on Jesse Shipley, the kid from Staten Island that died in a car crash & for whatever reason, after already determining cause of death; the coroner decided to keep his brain in the office while returning the body to the family for burial.

BLANK STARE w 3 LOOONG BLINKS

Mind you, no one would've ever been the wiser except kids from the dead boy's school just so happened to have a field trip to said coroner's office. And the genius examiner had Jesse's brain in a clear jar with his damn name labeled on it out for display.

Yeah, you read that correctly. As in for show n' tell.

Oh but forget about the traumatized kids who saw their friend's brain in a jar and the family who realized that they had buried their child without a brain. The best part? Now the family's priest who refused to consider it a "proper burial" without the brain intact. So the parents had to dig up the body, put the brain inside the carcass and RE-bury their child.

Now, when I tell ya'll we're living through the end of days...

*starts tossing holy water like I'm popping champagne*

and kiss my ass puh-lease...

My goodness, rainy Fridays are a drag. I thank God everyday for the ignorance that is YouTube. Without it, I just don't know how I'd ever make it thru. Okay?

Now I first heard about the According to "ME" Cadillac Kimberly vlog series immediately after the Eddie Long scandal broke. But it wasn't until I saw THIS video (thank you Michael) that I truly became a fan. Yes, the topic may be a bit old (Fantasia & T.I's re-arrest) but homegirl's hilarity is still fresh to death.

Enjoy.