i want a t-shirt too...

Random: Has anyone tried these Insanity workout DVDs?

Flipping through the channels over weekend and happened upon the crazy looking info-mercial. And I was INSTANTLY intrigued.

Cause the Lord knows, my relationship with the gym has recently become sketchy at best. I just can't stand the smell, the machines are either occupied or broken and the person working out next to me ALWAYS seems to be coughing and sneezing. And is there anything worse than the sick person at the gym who's trying to "sweat" out a cold but doing nothing more than infecting everyone around them?????

READ: I need another way to address the soft & squishy situation that's happening on my tummy and thighs. IMMEDIATELY.

So tell me, is this just Tae Bo 2000 or does this nonsense really work?

eye candy so bright it burns..

Finally had a chance to check out Jay-Z's new website/online magazine/media portal, Life And Times that launched on Monday.

Hmmm.

The promo vid is crazy. (see for yourself HERE)

Visually, the site is amazing. Like absolutely LOVE.

Content reads very much like a compilation of "All Things Jay-Z Likes (& You Can't Afford)."

Which is um... yeah. LOL.

Interesting piece on boxer Andre Berto tho.

like chubby trainers at the gym...

So err-um yeah... I gotta ask, exactly WHY are people beefing about the updated etiquette and food restrictions being imposed on New York City Health Department employees??

Because I for one, COMPLETELY agree.

For those who didn't read the article, here are some of the changes that will be going into effect today:

-no eavesdropping btwn cubicles

-no overbearing perfumes

-no displays, photos or signs that may be considered offensive

-no "celebration" cake and cookies being served at the same time

-tap water is a must

-no drinks with more than 25 calories per 8oz servings

-cut muffins & bagels in half, or order mini-sizes

-ABSOLUTELY no fried foods

Personally, I think the real tragedy is that it's necessary to TELL folks to act right and eat healthy when that's what they do for a living. ALLEGEDLY.

*insert mean momma side-eye*

I mean honestly? No eavesdropping or fried food? It's the freaking HEALTH DEPARTMENT. Call me crazy but of ALL the government agencies, they should be the LAST folks gossiping OR eating crappy food on taxpayers' dimes.

*sucks back of the teeth HARD*

Man listen... Go talk 'ish over that cup of red Kool-Aid during your regular off-site lunch break cause nobody needs it. At. All.

the times they are a changing...

Oh shoot, according to my Mac dashboard, today's temperatures are going to reach 62 degrees! WOO HOO! THANK YOU ST. PATRICK!

*back flips off the couch into a full split*

On a not so joyous note, just got the dreaded email notice from The New York Times. Apparently, they've finally decided to implement digital subscriptions for access to the website. *sad little nephew face* According to the notice, as of March 28th:

On NYTimes.com, you'll be able to view 20 articles each month for free (including slide shows, videos and other features). After 20 articles, they'll ask you to become a digital subscriber, with full access to the site.

On the smartphone and tablet apps, the Top News section will remain free of charge. For access to all other sections within, they'll ask you to become a digital subscriber.

On the marginally brighter side, readers who come to Times articles through links from search, blogs and social media like Facebook and Twitter will be able to read those articles, even if they have reached their monthly reading limit. Although for some search engines, users will have a daily limit of free links to Times articles.

Le sigh.

We all knew it was coming but damn, damn, DAMN.

*shakes fist at the sky & starts searching for gold coins in between the couch cushions*

picked my poison...

Dearest Baby Jesus,

I know I really shouldn't enjoy this new Trina song as much as I do. Especially with tired ass T-Pain harmonizing in the background. But the beat is hot and the lyrics are HEE-larious. And well, the only other alternative at the moment is Willow Smith's torturous '21st Century Girl.'

BLANK STARE

Forgive me and all the women that will identify with the words of the song.

Amen.
Trina Ft. T-Pain-Ghetto by Freaknik

do over please...

So Lady Gaga debuted the video for her latest single, "Born This Way" this morning.

Mmm... yeah. BLANK STARE

Granted, from what I heard from those who actually bothered to suffer through last night's award show, it's probably way more exciting than the Oscars. Howsoever, me no likely at all. Wait, I take that back. I actually do love the bra and panty set that she's prancing around in but other than that... eh.

And you know, it's not even the ridiculous rip-off of a Madonna song that bothers me the most (although it is pretty awful), I just really wish she would get a new choreographer. Watching Gaga jerk & jiggle her body around for over seven minutes wears me the hell out. And worse now that she's wearing flat shoes.

*shrug*

I'm jussayin.

this is not what Jesus would do...

As if this weather isn't bad enough, now we've got nuns in Brooklyn falsely accusing Black men of rape.

*sucks the back of my teeth CLEAN*

Apparently, Sister Mary Turcotte, who just so happens to be white, filed a false police report claiming she was attacked on the street last Thursday by a 6-foot-4, 250-pound black man.

The 26 year-old liar told detectives the assailant choked her, dragged her through the streets and left her unconscious in a snowbank with her underwear down and her breasts exposed. Mm-hmm, she was real detailed.

It was only after the manhunt kicked off, that the religious fraud caught a bad case of the guilts and admitted that she concocted the entire assault to cover up her sexual shenanigans with a bodega worker.

PAUSE.

The bodega worker? As opposed to the bodega OWNER?? READ: The random dude who stocks the diapers on the shelves in the back???

*nosedives in the shallow end of the pool*

You know what... all that using your hidden sexual fantasies of being dragged through the streets and left in a snowbank to get it in with homie from the bodega is doing way too much. For her sake, I hope Gold helps her figure out whats really going on in that screwed up mind, while her ass sits in a jail cell for a couple of years.

Scandalous trick.

sticks, stones and a crackho...

Ok, while you're playing, this Mayoral race in Chicago is DEAD SERIOUS.

O.M.G!

Shout out to my girl Leah, for putting me up on this news report from a recent candidate debate where former Senator Carol Moseley Braun goes all the way, and I do mean, ALLA WAY IN on a fellow candidate Patricia Van Pelt Watkins.

See, now if folks started telling the truth like this is NYC, Bloomberg's shady ass wouldn't even be in office right now. Real talk.

BLANK STARE w 3 LOONG BLINKS.

Lord forgive me but I cannot wait until Rahm Emmanuel has his turn at the mic.

*grabs the bowl of popcorn and pulls up a chair*

think before you release...

Wow, what a crazy three days!

On Friday, the Obama administration deleted the words 'Mother' and 'Father' from all official forms for the more politically correct titles, 'Parent 1' and 'Parent 2,' then the senseless massacre in Tucson, Arizona popped off and as of this morning it appears that after years of civil war the Sudanese are about to officially vote their country into two parts. CA-razy!

Oh but wait, wait, how could I forget? Foxy Brown released a snippet from what is supposed to be a diss-track against Lil'Kim, entitled, Christmas Massacre.

BLANK STARE

You know how grown-ups are constantly explaining to children that timing is everything? Well Fox, or may I call you Inga? Timing is EVERYTHING. And the level of ridiculousness that this lame, nonsensical, two-week late, uncalled for, attempt at a diss track has reached is simply BEYOND.

We are in the midst of national and international calamity and this is when you think it's a good time to publicize the implied death threats and raggedy shots you attempted to take at another female rapper? Which for the record, is already two weeks late????

GIRL, BYE.

I'mma need you, that filthy looking lace front, and the Ampro gel shellacked baby hair to go pick up a newspaper, find a friend that can read it to you and quiet ya self.

another sad broke song...

Uuugh... Toni Braxton is seriously considering posing for a Playboy cover to raise funds to cover the $50 million dollar debt that she's in???

BLANK STARE

Uh Toni? Forreal?

Not to be funny but, even someone with an accounting degree from Devry can figure out the measy couple of million dollars you'd receive-IF, and I do mean IF Hef is willing to pay washed-up, 43 year-old R&B singers two million dollars to get sorta nekkid (cause she talking only T&A, not complete nudity) ain't gonna make nary a dent in that riduculous bankruptcy situation you got going on. AGAIN.

*rolls eyes all the way back in head*

Instead of calling Hef, your ass NEEDS to be stalking Babyface and begging him to write a song for you. Shooot....

cloudy days ahead...

Oh Heidi, Heidi, Heidi... I know it's hard to stay relevant in television these days. Especially when you're a visibly aging weather girl for the weekend evening news report show.

(SIDEBAR:. I so didn't even know there was a evening news broadcasts on the weekends! Who's watching the news on a damn Saturday??)

But sweetie, filing false rape reports is not the way to way to do that sunshine.

Personally, I believe you should serve every last day of that year long jail sentence. Perhaps that will give you some time to think about all the ACTUAL rape victims whose REAL cases weren't being investigated while the police went on this wild goose of yours.

DEAD FISH EYES

Oh and good luck with that job suspension... Seems like a shitty economy to be playing the reindeer games with your livelihood. Sure hope your attention-seeking ass saved up for a rainy day.

when lightskin was big in da hood...

Yesterday afternoon I came across a well written criticism of Kanye's West upcoming video, Monster. (Read it HERE) The writer, Melinda Tankard Reist takes serious issue with all of the dead bodies strewn throughout the promo. And not just because it's kinda distasteful to have corpses literally hanging around from the rafters, but be really because, from the clip it seems that all the bodies are women. And truth be told, there is a certain unavoidable subliminal message conveyed when the only bodies being desecrated and discarded are female. It's called gendered violence.

Now with all that said, I actually respect Kanye's willingness to take everything to the limit- even if it makes folks question whether you have a thing for necrophilia. BLANK STARE.

Shoot, it takes a lot to make a hit song that really sticks with folks nowadays.

So, I'm not jumping to judgement until I see the entire video. And I'll also keep my fingers crossed that there are a bunch of dead male bodies chilling in Nikki Minaj's segment. To make it equal and whatnot...

*shrug*

But morning, I got to reminiscing about the days that it didn't take FOUR people and a graphic ass video to make a song memorable. You know, when ONE dope ass rapper could create a banger that was so hot you didn't even need the video (that was clearly conceptualized ny people under the influence of more than a little licca and probably cost all of $50).

Exhibit A: Redman's 's Time 4 Sum Aksion

Keep it real, if you were older than 8 years old at the time that this song dropped, it was your shit. Forreal. And if you weren't, get into it now.

Oh, by all means, feel free to thank me later.

take that, take that...

The first time I watched this video of Puff running through the freezing cold streets of New York City promoting his new album like a bootlegger in the barbershop, I didn't understand why he was putting himself through it. The man is like a thousand years old, wearing an old school varsity jacket, talking "take back the streets." From who? How? Man listen. Sean, go sit your behind down somewhere and manage Nikki Minaj. We all know, Last Train to Paris is never going to be chart topper. Might as well, let go, let God and start working on the next season of Making The Band.

BUT THEN, I heard about SouljaBoy's album only selling 13,000 copies TOTAL in the first week out. Woah.

There's an average selling album and then here's a TOTAL BELLY FLOP. SouljaBoy selling less copies than the number of people that live within the 5-block radius my neighborhood is a TOTAL. BELLY. FLOP.

Jesus.

13,000 copies?? A number like that makes you question whether his own family bothered to buy the album. I'm just saying.

*kanye shrug*

And you know what, Diddy I get it. You better be on the sidewalk running down white folks and making them promise to pre-order copies of your album. Matter of fact, if I was you, I go find those shiny suits you and Mase used to rock and get to dancing.

And the magic number is: 13,001.

Let's Go!!!

more important than nikki minaj album sales numbers...

Just a quick note to ask everyone to say an extra prayer for all the TWO MILLION people that will be losing their unemployment benefits as of today because our government couldn't put aside their differences and agree on an extension period.

Many of them are educated, responsible citizens with children who have been looking for work in a barren job market since 2009.

It's not a good look. Seriously.

*stares directly at all the conservative Democrats, Republicans and Tea Party congressional members going hard while people go hungry*

ain't it hunting season yet...

Can someone PUH-lease explain to me why 16 year-old Willow Palin is on Facebook calling people that criticize her sister's atrocious dancing skills "faggots" and "so gay?" Homophobic slurs from someone who has been raised in a home with supposed "strict Christian morals and values?"

Basic Home Training FAIL.

But wait on it... then Bristol, the baby mama with two left feet and lopsided body, co-signs on the crazy with her own 2 cents, "you’re running your mouth just to talk shit.”

Sources talking about they're just baby bears protecting the Mama Grizzly.

BLANK STARE

Honestly? I can't.

I mean, what is it with the Palin crew? Or they purposely creating an image of ignorance and ass-backwards-ness? Or is it that the stupid doesn't fall too far from the tree? Don't either of these girls have something better to do like I don't know... go get knocked up by a guy with a G.E.D or perhaps look at Alaska from their front porch.

Standby for Trigg & Trip to pop and start beating down kids at the daycare in the name of defending their family honor in t-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, ...

hopped up like the wwe main event...

HOLD UP!

Can we please talk about the graphic images that FDA will be requiring cigarette companies to put on all their packs and cartons as of June 22, 2011?

*GAG*

O-M-G! Have we really gone from the days of a cool ass Joe Camel cartoon to a dying cancer patient... I can't. What in the hell has this world come through???

I mean certainly, this campaign to discourage teens from smoking will deter anyone with a remotely queasy stomach. But my God. And to be perfectly honest, looking at that picture of the crying baby makes me wanna schedule a hysterectomy, not stop smoking.

But all jokes aside, there are a lot of ways to skin a cat. And we all know, honey catches more bees than vinegar. So instead of making the kids (and every damn body that has to see it) sick to their stomach, why doesn't the FDA take this moment to do something positive. You know, like regulate the amount of hormones that are fed to the poultry and cows.

I'm willing to bet all my birthday money that we'd have less underage kids puffing on cigarettes if the crazy growth 'roids didn't have them thinking (and looking like) they are so freaking grown.

*shrug*

I'm just saying.

sucking it up...

Uuugh, I'm going for my annual check-up this morning. I guess I should say biannual cause as juvenile as it sounds, I really only go to see a regular physician when I have a cold that just won't go away.

Case in point: this nagging sore throat that's been killing me and my right ear for the last 3 weeks.

Sigh.

But as bad as I feel, don't think anyone in America feels worse than Meg Whitman. $140 million dollars of your own personal funds is a lot of money to blow just to get outted for employing an illegal immigrant as your maid (so cliche), being a heartless corporate bee-yatch and ultimately lose your campaign.

Damn ma.

You just know that her family is looking at her like she has about three heads right now. Oh wells... Good luck with that.

go back like subway tokens...

Wow, remember when Jennifer Lopez was truly relevant? *crickets* Yeah don't feel bad, took me a minute to think that far back too.

In retrospect, for a typical looking, auto-tune dependent, round-the way Latina from the ungentrified side of the Bronx, who knows she owes her life to the untimely death of Selena, J.Lo sure did have a good little run there. *shrug* I'm just saying.

Anyhoo, it seems J.Lo is back trying to be relevant- again. In addition to signing with Def Jam, it was just announced that she will be the new celebrity judge on American Idol (how ironic is that??), and she's got a new album in the pipe. The first single, featuring the Dream and Rick Ross is entitled, Run The World.

BLANK STARE

All I'm going to say is that if I never, ever, ever hear Jenny sing another "Bonnie-n-Clyde, I -Gotcha-Back-Boo, Ride-or-Die Chick" Anthem again it will be too soon. Especially since we ALL know she's the FIRST one to bounce on a negro when po-po comes knocking. Mmm-hmm, just ask Puff.

*cough*disloyal bish *cough*

But enough of what I think, feel free to strain your ears/ check it out HERE.

whats a bite between friends...

Lord have mercy, ya'll voyeuristic animal lovers are gonna learn to leave these wild animals alone I tell you.

First the tiger in the little Miami wildlife park and now, the lion at the MGM resort in Vegas done attacked and bit one of its trainers in the leg. And again, the whole thing is caught on camera by nosey onlookers

Experts talking about the trainer seemed to stiffen up when the lion looked at him. And in the wild, that's a sign of aggression. So like a teenager, was simply trying to show his dominance.

BLANK STARE.

Um, I assume that this man is a trained profession, correct? (Hence why he was getting in the glass container with these cats to begin with.) So why wouldn't he know not to "stiffen up" if that's all it was? Uh-uh, sorry bruh. I don't believe you. I think this lion-just like that tiger that jumped the 14-foot fence- was just tired of the shenanigans. The End.

Although quite honestly, my favorite part is the lioness jumping on the back of the lion like, "CHILL negro! You know how fickle these damn humans are. One minute you're their main attraction and the next, they're euthanizing that ass!!"'

ROFL ROFL Yes, I'm an idiot....

But so are the folks that think it's cute to keep a grown lion and lioness in a oversized fishbowl for tourists to ogle. So there.

at least antoine is getting paid...

Well lookey here- The 'Bed Intruder Song' (the tomfoolery based on Antoine Dobson's hood ass interview after his sister was attacked in her bedroom that was cobbled together by a quartet of white musicians from Brooklyn) just hit the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Mind you, the track has sold more than 91,000 copies on iTunes and was at no. 39 on the iTunes chart last week.

Yo. Not to be funny but did Usher's new single featuring Jay-Z even sell that much?

And wait on it... When asked by the NYT the reason for the viral video's crossover success, one of the creators explained, “The bar is getting lower for creative artists to break into the mainstream.”

Mmm-hmm, just. like. that.

*makes the sign of the cross and pours out a lil' licca for the careers of Ciara, Maya, Ameriee, Mario, Lloyd, & all the rest of the 1-name wonder wannbes.*