oh yeah, remember me...

Has it really been a month since my last post? Good grief, life is FLYING.

To quickly bring you guys up to speed on what's happened since I last checked in:

1) I cut my hair- yes, even shorter.

2) I packed up and moved my entire life to Chicago.

3) I purchased my first flat screen TV. Don't judge me.

4) I closed my very first issue of JET Magazine. It hits newsstands nationwide on June 6th.

5) One of my BFFs gave birth to her first son!

As I'm sure you can imagine, it's been A LOT.

Yet nowhere on that list does it say I've been out gallivanting in Chicago, meeting cute Chicago Bulls basketball players, getting the very much need daily workouts in, shopping for cute shoes or even enjoying the springtime sunshine.

Le sigh.

On the bright side, I am still super excited to be here. The work is extremely fulfilling and my co-workers are cool. Not to mention, I've only officially been in the city for two weeks, and my actual apartment for two days. READ: There's still hope for lots of shenanigans (at the very least, some sun).

So don't give up on the blog so fast. I have every intention of posting more regularly. But until I'm settled *looks at the piles of unopened boxes sitting in the middle of middle living room & cringes* it'll probably just be once-a-week recaps on the weekends.

I miss you guys.

this is not the sticky icky...

Hmm, so I was listening to the radio this morning and Snoop was on air promoting his new album, Doggumentary. And truth be told, I didn't even know Snoop had a new song out let alone an entire album.

At first, I felt badly. I thought to myself, "DAYUM I'm getting old. I mean, how can I not know when a new Snoop album is dropping??"

So naturally, I immediately google the first (and apparently, ONLY) video from the album. And err-um, yeah. I'm not that old. This ish is just not remotely noteworthy. In fact, it's kinda bad.

No offense my nizzle.

*shrugs & goes back to listening to my iTunes library*

pride goes before the fall...

Not for nothing, somebody might wanna send a prayer up for Pastor Grant Storms' soul ASAP.

Cause apparently, the prominent New Orleans based Christian leader, who is best known for using a bullhorn to protest an annual three-day gay parade as "depraved"and describes masturbation as an immoral act, was just caught jerking off in his van. At a public park. During the day. While kids were around.

BLANK STARE

Talking about, the TWO witnesses were confused. He was just peeing in a bottle... That is, until whatever tiny sense of honesty he actually has kicked in. Then the hypocrite finally confessed to beating off.

I mean, if this isn't just... typical.

*drops the rosary beads and walks away*

saved you a seat next to me...

So I've been hearing nothing but great things about this new Adele album, 21. Took a listen to the single, "Rolling In the Deep" earlier this morn. Not mad, not mad at all. Will definitely have to add the album to the iTunes Library.

Speaking of music- I know I'm late getting the buzz on OFWGTKA but, Tyler The Creator and his single, "Yonkers" gives me LIFE. Sorta reminds me of the way I felt first time I heard Wu-Tang back in the day. But these kids are waaaay more extreme.

Oh and the video is dope.

*hops on bandwagon*

this is not what Jesus would do...

As if this weather isn't bad enough, now we've got nuns in Brooklyn falsely accusing Black men of rape.

*sucks the back of my teeth CLEAN*

Apparently, Sister Mary Turcotte, who just so happens to be white, filed a false police report claiming she was attacked on the street last Thursday by a 6-foot-4, 250-pound black man.

The 26 year-old liar told detectives the assailant choked her, dragged her through the streets and left her unconscious in a snowbank with her underwear down and her breasts exposed. Mm-hmm, she was real detailed.

It was only after the manhunt kicked off, that the religious fraud caught a bad case of the guilts and admitted that she concocted the entire assault to cover up her sexual shenanigans with a bodega worker.

PAUSE.

The bodega worker? As opposed to the bodega OWNER?? READ: The random dude who stocks the diapers on the shelves in the back???

*nosedives in the shallow end of the pool*

You know what... all that using your hidden sexual fantasies of being dragged through the streets and left in a snowbank to get it in with homie from the bodega is doing way too much. For her sake, I hope Gold helps her figure out whats really going on in that screwed up mind, while her ass sits in a jail cell for a couple of years.

Scandalous trick.

sticks, stones and a crackho...

Ok, while you're playing, this Mayoral race in Chicago is DEAD SERIOUS.

O.M.G!

Shout out to my girl Leah, for putting me up on this news report from a recent candidate debate where former Senator Carol Moseley Braun goes all the way, and I do mean, ALLA WAY IN on a fellow candidate Patricia Van Pelt Watkins.

See, now if folks started telling the truth like this is NYC, Bloomberg's shady ass wouldn't even be in office right now. Real talk.

BLANK STARE w 3 LOONG BLINKS.

Lord forgive me but I cannot wait until Rahm Emmanuel has his turn at the mic.

*grabs the bowl of popcorn and pulls up a chair*

facebook is the devil...

And in other loosey goosey white woman news:

Two cousins from Long Island, Melanie Spanopoulos and Giselle Penagos, got into a disagreement over a dude who accepted one chick's Facebook friend request yet denied the other cousin.

As if even having an argument over a Facebook friend request isn't petty enough, when Giselle (the denied female) found out that her cousin's request had been accepted, she caught an attitude and refused to get into a car with Melanie. Well, turns out Melanie wasn't having it. So this moron proceeded to hit her cousin with her van- TWO TIMES.

(Clearly one time wasn't enough. Homegirl needed to put the vehicle in reverse and run that ass over again to make her point. )

Long story short, poor Giselle required surgery Monday to fix a broken leg and shattered pelvis.

BLANK STARE

Just so we're all clear, this crazy bish ran over and then reversed a freaking VAN on top of her own flesh and blood b/c of some dude's FB friend selection?

*logs all the way off*

one spoonful at a time...

First the blackbirds fell outta the sky in Arkansas. Next, tens of thousands of fish washed up on shores from Maryland to Brazil. Then even MORE birds fell out of the sky and a mass of crabs washed up on the beaches of the UK. And now, just when government officials have finally concocted a half-way plausible global-warming excuse for all these unexplainable "natural disasters," a healthy sow just delivered a TWO-HEADED calf in the country of Georgia.

SILENCE.

*starts digging underground fallout shelter with a spoon*

when being p.c. is just b.s...

Hmm, this post is random. But bear with me, I'm a writer and therefore an avid reader. So certain things about words, irk the hell outta me. And I have to say, I found it extremely disturbing to learn that publishers have decided to remove all instances of the 'n -word' and the word, 'Injun' from upcoming editions of Mark Twain's classic novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

Huh???

According to CNN.com: The effort is spearheaded by Twain expert Alan Gribben, who says his PC-ified version is not an attempt to neuter the classic but rather to update it. “Race matters in these books,” Gribben told PW. “It’s a matter of how you express that in the 21st century.”

BLANK STARE

Okay, first of all, what the hell kind of Twain expert would actually believe that censoring the author's work was the right thing to do?? The words that Twain used were selected ON PURPOSE and it was well written.

The novel takes place during SLAVERY. White people referred to slaves as niggers back then (and a whole bunch still do). Jim is a slave. Huck refers to him a nigga. AND??

What's the confusion here? Why are folks pussy-footing around reality?? Because parents and adults don't want to have honest conversations about this country's embarrassing history of race with children??

But you'll let them listen to hip-hop??

COME ON.

*sucks the back of teeth clean*

nothing to cheer about...

Wow, did anyone even know that a former NFL cheerleader has been missing for the past week??? Anybody? Anybody? Nobody?

*crickets*

Yeah, me neither. SMDH. Call me paranoid but, it really feels like folks have just been straight disappearing into thin air this past year.

*shudders*

And although her alledgdly abusive ex-boyfriend was the last known person to see her alive (of course), what makes this case super duper messy is that apparently homegirl was no angel herself.

PAUSE.

Uh huh, apparently, Miss Congeniality was seriously in debt to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars. And wait on it... had not one but FOUR restraining orders taken out against her by different people as well- three different dudes and a chick.

BLANK STARE.

Err-um, yeah that's a lot.

So tell you what, I'm just gonna say a little prayer that Debbie returns home safely from wherever or whatever she's caught up in. And hopefully, the new year brings her much ore peace and happiness than 2010.

when lightskin was big in da hood...

Yesterday afternoon I came across a well written criticism of Kanye's West upcoming video, Monster. (Read it HERE) The writer, Melinda Tankard Reist takes serious issue with all of the dead bodies strewn throughout the promo. And not just because it's kinda distasteful to have corpses literally hanging around from the rafters, but be really because, from the clip it seems that all the bodies are women. And truth be told, there is a certain unavoidable subliminal message conveyed when the only bodies being desecrated and discarded are female. It's called gendered violence.

Now with all that said, I actually respect Kanye's willingness to take everything to the limit- even if it makes folks question whether you have a thing for necrophilia. BLANK STARE.

Shoot, it takes a lot to make a hit song that really sticks with folks nowadays.

So, I'm not jumping to judgement until I see the entire video. And I'll also keep my fingers crossed that there are a bunch of dead male bodies chilling in Nikki Minaj's segment. To make it equal and whatnot...

*shrug*

But morning, I got to reminiscing about the days that it didn't take FOUR people and a graphic ass video to make a song memorable. You know, when ONE dope ass rapper could create a banger that was so hot you didn't even need the video (that was clearly conceptualized ny people under the influence of more than a little licca and probably cost all of $50).

Exhibit A: Redman's 's Time 4 Sum Aksion

Keep it real, if you were older than 8 years old at the time that this song dropped, it was your shit. Forreal. And if you weren't, get into it now.

Oh, by all means, feel free to thank me later.

send this boy a diddy t-shirt asap...

We hear so many horror stories about sexting gone wrong and exes posting nude pics of women AND men on the internet that it's impossible not to become jaded by low folks can go. But happily, here's a small victory for the victims...

A 20 year-old man in New Zealand plead guilty to distributing indecent material for posting a naked picture of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook without her consent and was actually sentenced to JAIL time.

Granted, it was only 4 months but still....

In what he's calling an "act of revenge" but I consider straight bitchassness, Joshua Simon Ashby posted a photo of a woman he'd been dating on and off (NOT EVEN HIS GIRLFRIEND), which featured her naked in front of a mirror on homegirl's own Facebook page. READ: So she'd be humilated in front of ALL of her friends and family.

As if that isn't mortifying enough, Ashby altered the security settings to make it available for viewing to everyone on FB, then altered her password so she could not remove it.

Mind you, this happened AFTER previous incidents where he'd already stolen two of her dresses and destroyed them, knocked her down and broke her cellphone and threatened to kill her via text messages.

DEAD SILENCE

I sincerely hope this chick is sues the 'ish outta him in civil court and leaves his abusive, bullying behind naked and broke.

27 to 0...

Yo, why are the Texas Rangers such HATERS??? Good grief.

One would think having an opportunity to go to the World Series (even if they got their ass SPANKED by San Francisco) would've made the miserable Southerns happy but NO. Instead of celebrating the minor miracle, the freaking OWNER of the team, Chuck Greenburg is talking ish about Yankee FANS.

And I quote, "I thought Yankee fans, frankly, were awful. They were either violent or apathetic, neither of which is good. So I thought Yankee fans were by far the worst of any I’ve seen in the postseason. I thought they were an embarrassment."

Really dude? Yankee fans are the worst? Have ya seen the Red Sox fans???

*rolls eyes*

Man listen... MAYBE if you were just a little more focused on WINNING the World Series rather than bashing a the die-hard fans of your *cough* 27-time championship *cough* competitors, then you might have something more substantial to offer Cliff Lee at the negotiation table in t-minus four days.

Jussayin.

lets all send one up...

So I was totally going to use this post to go IN on the certified dumbass park rangers in Washington's Olympic National Park that encouraged the teasing and ABUSE of a mountain goat until the animal couldn't take it anymore. And ultimately, the it retaliated by GORING a innocent hiker (who had nothing to do with the years of throwing bean bags at the wild animal) to death.

But instead, I'm going to use all my energy to pray for Rutgers University defensive tackle Eric LeGrand.

This past Saturday, the 20 year-old got hit during a routine play in the game against Army and suffered an injury to the C-3 and C-4 level of his spine. He has been paralyzed from the neck down ever since. While doctors are still not sure if it's bruise or a complete break, the recovery from this is going to be long and challenging.

I shudder to imagine the terror that this promising young man and his family are experiencing at this very moment.

May God hear all our prayers for his speedy return to health.

so on it...

Aww, this promo commercial is too freaking adorable.

*happy sigh*

I love Sesame Street, especially poor hapless Grover. He's like the best blue monster EVER.

You know, kinda makes me wish I had a child of my very own to share this with... sorta. Okay no, not really. But I do think this video is as heartwarming as warm chocolate chip cookies. And that's saying a lot coming from my greedy behind.

Anyhoo, enjoy.

peta shld be more worried abt this than my full-length...

OMG, OMG, Oh My F'KING God!!! This video is crazy. I am so going to have nightmares for days behind this nonsense. Real talk, I can't even breath I'm so freaked out.

How the hell did this fool sit there and tape this attack? And he was there with his children? Are you freaking KIDDING me??? Please believe that I would've been snatched up my kid and hit the bricks from the moment I saw blood being drawn on the first bite.

Those poor men. I am literally shaking right now.

When I tell you that my kids are NEVER going to step foot anywhere near a damn one-ring circus in LIFE?!?!?!

Lord have mercy... I wonder what the trainers did behind the scenes to those lions that angered them to that point. SMDH.

*makes a sign of the cross with the right as I reach for a sedative with my left*

two times is the blessed charm...

Sometimes there's just so much craziness going on in the world that I have no choice but to block the most sensational sounding stories out.

Hence, why it took 5 days for me to actually bother to read the details on Jesse Shipley, the kid from Staten Island that died in a car crash & for whatever reason, after already determining cause of death; the coroner decided to keep his brain in the office while returning the body to the family for burial.

BLANK STARE w 3 LOOONG BLINKS

Mind you, no one would've ever been the wiser except kids from the dead boy's school just so happened to have a field trip to said coroner's office. And the genius examiner had Jesse's brain in a clear jar with his damn name labeled on it out for display.

Yeah, you read that correctly. As in for show n' tell.

Oh but forget about the traumatized kids who saw their friend's brain in a jar and the family who realized that they had buried their child without a brain. The best part? Now the family's priest who refused to consider it a "proper burial" without the brain intact. So the parents had to dig up the body, put the brain inside the carcass and RE-bury their child.

Now, when I tell ya'll we're living through the end of days...

*starts tossing holy water like I'm popping champagne*

laughing all the way to lockdown...

Wow. I just read the story about 18 year-old Tyler Clementi who apparently committed suicide after his punk ass roommate, Dharun Ravi and Ravi's homegirl, Molly Wei used a hidden webcam to stream the Rutger University freshman's make-out with another dude live on the Internet. And added bonus: announced the intention to do so on his Twitter feed.

DEAD FISH EYES

Seriously? This story completely breaks my heart. How nasty and mean of an individual can you be to videotape your own roommate and then put it up on the freaking internet? As a female, knowing how often it's done to women, why would you ever co-sign on sexually exploiting anyone like that? Why is the idea of two men making out even funny? It's just sex. Big damn deal. SMH.

So now, this promising kid, who was apparently a very talented violinist, just jumped off the George Washington Bridge and both your dumb asses are looking at least five years in jail.

Still funny now?

Uugh. No one deserves such an undignified outing of their sexual orientation.Ever. My heart goes out to his family.

burning my eyes...

So yeah, not sure about you but personally I'm not really trying to go see The Social Network in theaters. Not saying it's not interesting enough to add it to the queue when it hits Netflix but as for shelling out my hard earned $12.50 to see a movie that's just prob to make me feel like I haven't done 'ish with my entire life- err-um, no thank you.

Howsomever, I do think that it's pretty fantastic that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is donating $100 million dollars to the Newark public school system. Yep, pretty fantastic and right on time. Cause I for damn sure needed something EXTRA SPECTACULAR to help my mind recover from the leaked cellphone pics of Eddie Long posing in his bathroom like Demi Moore wearing head-to-toe shiny black spandex and a Kangol.

BLANK STARE.

The Lord be coming through all day every day, I tell ya.

that ass sure has grown since then...

Quick question: What in the lost-90s-singers & rappers-vortex happened to Case and his plethora of head wear? Like forget Ne-Yo's receeding hairline, that man right there was the original hide-ya-head R&B singer. That bad boy could seriously go from baseball cap to ski skully to straight up pantyhose all in one video, like what? Say something.

But all fun and foreheads aside, I thought he was trying to stage a comeback.What had happened? Trey Songz got him shook or something?

Cause forreal, 'Broken Glass' and 'Not Your Friend' were the straight joints back in the day! And God only knows how many folks used that damn 'Happily Ever After' as their wedding song. Yeah man, for a hot minute Case was the 'ish.

Speaking of Happily Ever After, I didn't realize Beyonce was the lead female in the video until just now. Mmm-hmmm, front and center with that big 'ole crazy 90s freeze curls piled up on her head. Looking like a fake Cleopatra in the empty museum.

Too funny.