not mean, just observant...

So the headline on the article related to this god awful photo reads:

Kevin Federline Debuts Girlfriend's Baby Bump

In light of what a filthy, tub of lard K-Fed has become, am I the only one who thinks it would've been damn near as accurate (and way funnier) to say:

Kevin Federline Debuts Baby Bump

*barely smothers a giggle*

I'm jussayin.

he don't wanna win...

Dang, prayers up for C-Breezy this morning. That child can't seem to get out of his way.

Apparently this morning, homeboy flew into a rage mid- Good Morning America taping after being prodded one too many times about the Rihanna incident. According to sources, he ripped off his shirt, broke a mirror and smashed a window. talking about, he's tired of people bring up the past... and the difference between his treatment and Charlie Sheen.

Mind you, his album F.A.M.E drops today.

BLANK STARE

You know, I'm not even going to bother getting into the fact that as long as that little boy BREATHES, people are not going to tire of asking him about bashing Rihanna's face in OR the fact that Charlie Sheen is a grown ass WHITE man who's been in this game for longer than Chris has been alive. So no, he'll never receive equal treatment. The End.

Instead, I'm just going to point out that across the board music critics have given this album notably favorable reviews. Which is a pretty big deal for any artist nowadays let alone one that stays on the wrong side of public opinion. Okay?

Bottom Line:

Boo, you're 21 yrs-old. Watching you self-destruct has become exhausting. Enough of the temper tantrums, nude pics, ridiculous dye job and slew of angry tweets. You live a charmed life that MILLIONS of folks would barter their first born to enjoy. Grow up & act like you appreciate it.

Please & Thanks.

this explains the bubble guts...

Dammit to all hell, is no junk food sacred anymore?

Turns out the mystery "ground meat" that Taco Bell hustles by the burrito boat load doesn't even have enough actual beef to qualify as taco meat filling (which only requires 40% fresh beef) let alone call itself real "beef." Oh and wait on it... apparently the rest of said "meat" is a combination of chemicals and random ingredients like cocoa powder, sugar and corn starch.

*gags and looks directly at Latoya Scott- Brown*

We've got to do better people.

another sad broke song...

Uuugh... Toni Braxton is seriously considering posing for a Playboy cover to raise funds to cover the $50 million dollar debt that she's in???

BLANK STARE

Uh Toni? Forreal?

Not to be funny but, even someone with an accounting degree from Devry can figure out the measy couple of million dollars you'd receive-IF, and I do mean IF Hef is willing to pay washed-up, 43 year-old R&B singers two million dollars to get sorta nekkid (cause she talking only T&A, not complete nudity) ain't gonna make nary a dent in that riduculous bankruptcy situation you got going on. AGAIN.

*rolls eyes all the way back in head*

Instead of calling Hef, your ass NEEDS to be stalking Babyface and begging him to write a song for you. Shooot....

nothing to cheer about...

Wow, did anyone even know that a former NFL cheerleader has been missing for the past week??? Anybody? Anybody? Nobody?

*crickets*

Yeah, me neither. SMDH. Call me paranoid but, it really feels like folks have just been straight disappearing into thin air this past year.

*shudders*

And although her alledgdly abusive ex-boyfriend was the last known person to see her alive (of course), what makes this case super duper messy is that apparently homegirl was no angel herself.

PAUSE.

Uh huh, apparently, Miss Congeniality was seriously in debt to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars. And wait on it... had not one but FOUR restraining orders taken out against her by different people as well- three different dudes and a chick.

BLANK STARE.

Err-um, yeah that's a lot.

So tell you what, I'm just gonna say a little prayer that Debbie returns home safely from wherever or whatever she's caught up in. And hopefully, the new year brings her much ore peace and happiness than 2010.

take that, take that...

The first time I watched this video of Puff running through the freezing cold streets of New York City promoting his new album like a bootlegger in the barbershop, I didn't understand why he was putting himself through it. The man is like a thousand years old, wearing an old school varsity jacket, talking "take back the streets." From who? How? Man listen. Sean, go sit your behind down somewhere and manage Nikki Minaj. We all know, Last Train to Paris is never going to be chart topper. Might as well, let go, let God and start working on the next season of Making The Band.

BUT THEN, I heard about SouljaBoy's album only selling 13,000 copies TOTAL in the first week out. Woah.

There's an average selling album and then here's a TOTAL BELLY FLOP. SouljaBoy selling less copies than the number of people that live within the 5-block radius my neighborhood is a TOTAL. BELLY. FLOP.

Jesus.

13,000 copies?? A number like that makes you question whether his own family bothered to buy the album. I'm just saying.

*kanye shrug*

And you know what, Diddy I get it. You better be on the sidewalk running down white folks and making them promise to pre-order copies of your album. Matter of fact, if I was you, I go find those shiny suits you and Mase used to rock and get to dancing.

And the magic number is: 13,001.

Let's Go!!!

happy to hear about the sushi & coffee....

Hmm, this is a new one...

While I've certainly heard that enjoying a glass of wine ONE day a week during a pregnancy is very safe and in fact, may even be beneficial. But this chick, Beth is tossing back a glass, FOUR OR FIVE days a week.

BLANK STARE

But considering, I don't normally toss back that many glasses and I haven't been pregnant a day in my life, doesn't that seem a tad shakey bakey?

All I can say is, sure hope their health insurance carriers aren't watching. Because new health laws in effect or not, it might be hard to convince folks to cover the long term care necessary for a baby born with defects after seeing this right here.

bet she don't want the rum punch...

So I just read that the REAL reason Jermaine Dupri and Janet finally fell out is because he cheated on her with a stripper. And wait on it... knocked homegirl up. PAUSE. Umm, people still impregnate strippers in 2010? WOWOWOW.

If this is true, not only is that midget unattractive but he's extra stoopid. The End.

But speaking of extra stoopid, remember his trusty sidekick Da Brat?? You know the crazy chick with all the braids that served time for slapping a cocktail waitress across the back of her head with a rum bottle? Yeah, that one. I hear she's outta prison. Wonder what that's looking like....

*gags*

Although, I gotta say- For a stone cold lesbian she sure had some of the dopest lookin' dudes in this video right here.... Mmm-hmm.

let this be a swift lesson...

So from what I understand the senseless event in this video occured because homie was "trying to make a funny video for YouTube." Um, make a funny video for Youtube? Like that's an occupation now? SMDH. I can't.

Ya'll fools gonna learn to stop cooning for the camera...

why i hate pretty ricky...

Awww, remember ABC?

Not for nothing, when 'Iesha' hit the radio them lil' boys were like the hottest thing since sliced bread. Jumping around all over the place, wearin' bedazzled overalls with no shirts on, doing one-handed push-ups, talking about how they met this cutie with a bootie at the playground. Mmm-hmm... Oh and please don't front like we weren't ALL trying to learn every step of their dances including Red's backflips.

Too funny.

Every time I see these little knuckleheads on the train breakdancing for dollars, I'm reminded of the group. Sigh. I wonder where they are now... Back in Atlantic City? Fingers crossed, they saved some of that 2-hit wonder money for college. I'd sure hate to find out they were still chillin' at the playground....

*blank stare*

happy earth day...

So Obama is in New York City this afternoon, popping off the warning shots at Wall Street bankers and financial industry lobbyists. Interesting. I'll be curious to see how this one goes over. Although quietly, what I'm really wondering is how many of the execs at Goldman Sachs simply decided to take the day off to avoid the ridiculous amount of gridlock that's about to shut down lower Manhattan. Since it's so nice out and they've still got those ginormous bonuses to burn anyway... I'm just saying.

DEAD

And not for nothing, I can't tell you the last time I watched an episode of South Park. To be honest, white frat boy humor has never really been my cup of tea or should I say bottle of beer. But there;s something kind of unsettling about the fact that an episode of a freaking cartoon can cause a terrorist group to issue death threats like they were coupons for Macy's weekly 1-day sale.

*blank stare with 3 long blinks*

Dear Lord, I'm trying to be a better person in 20100 but there are moments I tell ya... There are moments.

it aint right but i understand...

Please don't let the recent jump in the Dow Jones fool you. Unfortunately, hard times from this international recession seem to be far from over. And therefore, we should all continue to be on the lookout for the crazy. Cause just when you least expect it, it's out there.

Case in point: The 65 year-old woman in Amsterdam that felt like she had been overcharged on monthly utility bill.

Apparently grandma tried to contact the utilities company to dispute the outrageous bill (which was almost $84,000 American bucks) but the electricity got cut off before she could make the call. So when the utilities worker showed up talking about he was gonna cut off all her service, don't you know homegirl LOCKED THAT ASS UP!?!?!?

CRICKETS

Mmm-hmm, talking about, she wasn't letting him turn off a damn thing until the company addressed the cause of the overpayment and set up some sort of payment plan. But wait on it... why the police had to come and arrest 'ole girl before she was willing to let dude go??? I can't.

Imagine trying to explain to your family and friends that you were trapped and locked up by a damn senior citizen. DEAD. I know that dude was pissed! Here he probably thought it was going to be an in-and-out job. At most, lasting no more than 15 min. Uh-uh, not even close... Senior Sally was on some straight Stephen King, MISERY type 'ish. Trapping folks like wild animals!

Tell you what- I don't care what his salary was before this, they just don't pay enough for the crazy I tell ya. Nope, not at all.

spirit sucks anyway...

Here's the thing- I understand that the rising prices of gasoline makes the cost of air travel ridiculous. So as much as I resent the idea, if I insist on checking a bag, then I simply suck it up and pony up the extra moolah. End of the story. But there is a limitation to the stupidity. And ladies and gentlemen, I do believe Spirit Airlines has jumped the shark.

According to Metro Newspaper, as of August 1st Spirit Airlines intends to charge passengers up to $45 for any carry-on luggage they store in the overhead compartments. No hun, you read that correctly- you can only bring one item that fits under your seat or you're going to be charged an additional fee.

Oh and wait on it... when questioned about the new policy the smartass Chief Operating Officer of Spirit Ken McKenzie replied, "Bring less, pay less. It's simple."

BLANK STARE

Err-um Kenny boy, how about this - More fees, less passengers. That's simple too.

Seriously? This is ridiculous. How often does the average person board a plane to go somewhere that only requires one change of clothes and a toothbrush? So what, now you're going to have folks blocking access to the aisles because they're trying to cram an overnight bag under the seat to save $50.

Boo, hiss, boo.

tardy to the party...

Uh-oh, it looks like married women are no longer turning a blind eye on this recent mistress/ sidechick uprising that's been popping off on a la ESPN's Steve Phillips, Tiger Woods & most recently, Jesse James.It seems a humiliated 60 year-old North Carolina woman sued her ex-husband's mistress for 9 MILLION dollars for willfully wrecking thee 33-year long marriage. Oh and guess what? She won.

Puh-lease don't ask me how I missed this in yesterday's NY Post... But thank God for Young, Black & Fabulous, huh?

So now forreal, forreal, what do you think? Should a wife/husband be able to sue the home wrecker that ends a marriage? Theoretically, she/he is NOT the person who signed the legally binding marital contract. Or more importantly, the individual who promised in front of God, family and friends to be faithful to the union? Hmm...

Whether we like it or not, 'ish happens. To play devil's advocate, there are many times when the other person isn't even aware of the marriage. And in those SPECIFIC cases, I'd prob say get you a top of the line divorce lawyer and call it a day.

BUT...

If it can be proven that some no-home-training- having individual was deliberate and malicious in their intent- have at it. Leave no stone unturned when searching for ways to make that person's life a living nightmare.

It is what it is.

spare me the tell-alls...

I hate to admit it but, I do believe 2009 left me completely void of empathy for the celeb shenanigans. Go figure.

Sure, there was a small part of me that felt shocked when I heard about Gilbert Arenas's simple ass pulling a gun out on his teammate over a gambling debt. But an even greater percentage of my response was very whatever. Like, that's the best you got Gilbert? No offense.

And trust, I had even less of a response to Jayson Williams' latest DUI induced car crash early Tuesday morning or Mariah Carey's drunken acceptance speech at the 2010 Palm Springs International Film Festival last night.

Yeah, after giving it some thought, what I'd really like to see in 2010 is a lot less basic bloopers and silly stunts and a whole hell of a lot more of celebs doing their freaking jobs. You know, ENTERTAIN me.

It sure would be nice to have an exciting championship series or even a fabulous album to discuss... I'm just saying.

they'll be reruns in the summer...

Wow, so are we really not going to have the Fox Broadcasting channel in 2010? 'Cause from the sounds of things, Time Warner is not budging on this whole price hike situation. Can't say I'm mad. I'm extremely tired of paying outrageous prices for cable when I don't really enjoy half of the shows on television. And truth be told, I can't even name a show on Fox besides 24 and Family Guy (or is that on the CW) that is worth talking about.

Times are tough, go hard.

Speaking of going hard, DAYUM Teddy! How you smacking your 18 year-old daughter upside the head with a freaking Guitar Hero guitar?? And then wait on it... your old unapologetic ass goes and tweets that "you'd do it again"? *EPIC Fail*

Be clear: I don't have problem the first with him laying into her ass (even if she is 18 years-old). The way my sister and I were raised, if you chose to live at home after graduating from high school, you could and would catch a bad one if and whenever you popped off at the mouth.

Like Elsa told me, "Don't like it? Think you too grown for the beat down? Then by all means, move the hell out."

And take my word for it- she was NOT playing. I caught my last bad one at 21 when I came home from school for Xmas break. Yeah, you read that correctly, 2-1. And I ain't never, ever forget that 'ish either! Sigh. God bless my Panamanian mother's heart...

So no, my issue is not with the whooping. It's with him using the guitar. I'm just saying... Were there no leather belts, extension cords, wooden spoons, plastic spatulas within in arms reach? Oh and please don't sleep on how much an unexpected pop-pop to the mouth (hard enough to stun but not enough to bloody) can do for a smart mouth or a bad attitude. Mmm-hmm...

hola mi gente...

Things I learned on this vacation:

1. The sun is not my friend. The last thing I remember is laying out poolside with a drink. The next time I looked in the mirror, all I could only see the whites of my eyes. Not cute.

2. It is not a smart idea to laugh as the ocean drowns you. Real talk? One sec I was "frolicking "in the waves the next I'm upside down underwater- funniest shit ever. I'm still picking the sand out of my scalp as I type.

3. Being subjected to the sound of heterosexual sex through the hotel walls is way less uncomfortable than listening to homosexual sex. Mmm-hmm, you do the math.

4. Never take water pressure for granted. Forget the shower, that lag time on the toilet flush is a killer. Seriously.

5. There's nothing like a direct flight. No offense to the folks in Texas but if I never, ever, ever see the Houston airport again in LIFE, it will be too soon. Nationwide computer glitch my ass...

Thank you Cabo for the sun, ocean and tranquil days but I'll tell you what, there's no place like home!

good girl needs prayer

So I ( like countless numbers of you guys, I'm sure) just listened to Russian Roulette, the new single from ya girl Rih-Rih's upcoming untitled album for the first time.  Hmmmmm... how can I say this nicely?

This  right here is the kind of song, that makes folks on the edge feel like slitting their wrists, videotaping it and posting it on youtbe.com might be a very sexy thing to do. 

*Insert Dead Fish Eyes*

Like personally, I'd probably listen to this when I was in a funky mood and needed to force myself to cry so that I could get the hell over it or on repeat during those traumatic first 48 hours after a bad break-up.  But for damn sure, not in a club.  And while you're at it, I'm not sure I even want to hear it on the radio too many times. 

Shooot,  life is hard enough without the suicide theme music.

no mas...

See now, I've been trying my best to be a better person and not talk ish about celebs b/c I understand that they are people with feelings just like the everyone else...  But dammit, I swear 'fore God,  Christina Milian and The Dream are gonna take me back to the dark side.

What in the paying-the paparazzi-to-pay-attention-hell is up with these two?  

I swear, these knuckleheads are like the 2009 version of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey during their MTV reality show heyday. They'll show up for the opening of a damn tuna can. And is it just me or does the constant whoring for the paparazzi seems even worse now that Christina is knocked up? Sigh. It's exhausting. 

Oh and Christina? Not for nothing, can you please inform ya man that those extra, extra sm-medium jackets aren't doing a squat to hide the jiggly man-boobs. I'm not mad at you for appreciating the comforts of all his soft and squishy folds of his sympathy weight gain.  Howsomever, I'd rather not be a witness.  At. All.

Here's a thought: why don't you go sit down and give both of your swollen ankles a rest?? I'm just saying.

extra pickles and ketchup please...

Oh God, so yesterday morning I read the most disturbing article about the ridiculous amounts of e.coli that go undetected in beef processing despite all the new safety precautions. In fact, this one woman who was a dance instructor literally wound up in a coma and became freaking paralyzed after eating a tainted pre-packaged burger.  Can you imagine?  

I have to tell you, reading that story was more depressing than watching the women interviewed in Chris Rock's new hilarious flick, Good Hair openly admit that given a choice: they'd spend $1K on their weave before they'd pay rent/ mortgage. Um-hmm... Mind you, I already knew how folks get down about their hair- hell hath no fury like a bald-headed black woman- but still... 

Granted, this isn't the first time that I've been warned about the dangers of beef.  But at the end of a shitty day, nothing says love like a couple of my super-duper homemade tacos. But now, thanks to the chick in the wheelchair, I'm gonna have to rethink all of that. Sigh.

Don't you hate it when you gotta do better just cause you know better?