stop the presses...

So about this reality show fights montage the Daily News compiled... Um yeah.

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While I feel like we've seen most of them in commercial snippets, it's certainly shocking as shit when you run them all together. And just between you and me, it's even more shocking was that there was not ONE black person involved in this craziness.

*light bulb goes off*

Of course, that's why it's suddenly a mainstream concern. 'Cause now that reality shows are capturing the Kardashians caught up in domestic violence and teen moms from middle America slap boxing over the little black boy in the mugshot it's DEFINITELY a crisis.

Yeah, now I totally understand.

it ain't right, but I surely understand...

YIKES!

This video of a grown ass white woman getting beat up on the subway by two teenagers is NUTS. This is EXACTLY the reason that as soon as the weather warms up, my little behind chooses to walk as much as possible.

Cause not for nothing, NYC Public Transportation Survival Rule #1: MIND YA BUSINESS.

READ: if it ain't a rape, robbery, gang assault or a freaking bomb, keep it moving.

Honestly, I don't know what kind of Rocky Balboa juice the so-called ADULT in this situation was sipping but there was no reason for her to comment on what that CHILD is eating. I don't care is if it smelled like dog crap. As long as she wasn't spilling the food, it is what it is.

AND she called the teenager an animal??

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I hate to say it but, there ain't enough koom-ba-ya/ turn the other cheek/ goodwill in the WORLD for that last comment right there. Ever.

*shrugs & walks away*

the gospel according to Lifetime...

Uuugh. Just read a story in the NY Daily News about a 23 year-old Queens woman who was shot and killed by muggers after she allegedly refused to give up her purse. Can you imagine? But wait on it... why was her husband standing right next to her when all the drama went down??

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Yo. Not to be insensitive to the tragic nature of this situation but how in the world is your husband gonna stand there and let you get into a back & forth bunch of thugs with guns?

Uh-uh, there's no way.

Even IF homegirl didn't have the commonsense God gave a billy goat and was really acting belligerent over a damn purse, as a loving spouse it was HIS responsibility to step in & snatch that handbag right outta her hands. And after the muggers left, then the two could've beefed about it later.... as opposed to him now burying her six feet under.

I'm jussayin.

*cough* $50 says homeboy collects a major life insurance policy & runs off with the sidechick in t-minus two seconds.*cough*

new patron saint of hoodrats...

So err-umma yeah, about the ultimate gheotto ish that was last night's season finale of VH1's Basketball Wives...

DEAD FISH EYES

Normally, I prefer to simply voice my opinion on the reality TV tomfoolery on Twitter as it happens and then pretend I never saw the mess the next day. But I gotta tell you, Evelyn Lozada's "performance" at Chad OchoCinco's Cincinnati condo is worthy of additional airtime on the blog.

Why? Because out of all the chicks on that godawful show, she kept it 110% real.

If you ever wondered why the majority of these athletes & "ballers," get so caught up and turned out by random dirty chicks like Kim Zoziack or Evelyn? Well my darlings, mystery solved.

It takes a certain mentality to break out the Kmart lingerie, thigh-high boots, and hop up on a dude's lap you've only talked to over Skype- IN FRONT of an entire camera crew. Now had they been alone, that would've just been classified as grown folk business. Reckless but still, two consenting adults, I have no opinion. But the decision to make it happen for national TV? Well....

That right there ladies & gents, is a certified slut out mission to the highest power. Cause please believe, there were at least four other people in that room with them. And clearly, Ms. Lozada could have cared less.

Mind you, this is the same chick whose daughter is on her way to college this year. Pause. Can you imagine how she felt watching her mother get her ass palmed and carried up the stairs in return for a airplane ticket and plate of food??

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Mmm-hmm, just KLASSY.

#planbetter...

I admit it. I started following Charlie Sheen on Twitter this morning.

*hangs head in shame*

I know, I know, I'm totally enabling the crazy. But I have to tell you, the tomfoolery is just so damn entertaining. And I don't care how great folks say his performances were in "Two and A Half Men" ('cause I have yet to watch a single episode), something tells me it hardly compares to the comedy that is now Charlie's "tigersblood" and his "bi-winning."

HEE-larious.

Oh but I can tell you who's NOT winning this morning:

Bringham Young University basketball star, Brandon Davies.

Nope. Not one bit. Homeboy done got himself suspended for the rest of the season. Mmm-hmm...

According to the Salt Lake Tribune, despite being the team's leading rebounder and third leading scorer, the forward was dismissed from the No. 3 Cougars for the rest of the season for breaking the school's moral code when he-WAIT ON IT- admitted to engaging in sexual relations with his girlfriend.

As most of you know, BYU is a private university run by the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter-day Saints. And them folk in Utah do not play that ish. At. All.

Apparently, the administration fully expects all its students to live up to the school's Honor Code Statement which among other things includes abstaining from alcohol, coffee and living "a chaste and virtuous life."

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Okay then... Ya'll better stop playing the reindeer games with them Mormons.

*pours out a little holy water*

pride goes before the fall...

Not for nothing, somebody might wanna send a prayer up for Pastor Grant Storms' soul ASAP.

Cause apparently, the prominent New Orleans based Christian leader, who is best known for using a bullhorn to protest an annual three-day gay parade as "depraved"and describes masturbation as an immoral act, was just caught jerking off in his van. At a public park. During the day. While kids were around.

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Talking about, the TWO witnesses were confused. He was just peeing in a bottle... That is, until whatever tiny sense of honesty he actually has kicked in. Then the hypocrite finally confessed to beating off.

I mean, if this isn't just... typical.

*drops the rosary beads and walks away*

there's got to be a better way...

It never ceases to amaze me how different teenagers are these days from when I was growing up. Like seriously, the sense of entitlement these kids have is just... . BEYOND.

Case in point, this 19 year-old Mexican girl Estibalis Chaves who's been staging a hunger strike in front of the British Embassy in Mexico City for the past 9 days so that she can receive an invitation to Kate & Prince William's upcoming royal wedding.

DEAD FISH EYES

Talking about, "Are they going to let me die just because they wouldn't give me an invitation to the royal wedding?"

HUH?? Is this some kind of sick joke so that she'll land a reality show? Cause forreal, this can't be life.

For weeks, hundreds of innocent people in the Middle East have been losing their limbs & lives in a fight for BASIC human rights. And this fool ass chick is killing her damn self over a private event that has absolutely nothing to do with her, her family or even her own country???

*sucks the back of teeth completely clean*

Man listen... Someone please order her a pine box RIGHT now.

bullies in blue...

I was searching the internet for one of the commercials that aired during the Super Bowl Last night- you know, the one that ends with the black woman throwing something at her boyfriend but it actually hits the white girl in the head. And when blondie falls out, the two of them run off together? OMG, that commercial was so funny, I woke up with a smile on my face. Unfortunatley, came across this video instead.

Um, yeah. Let's just say I'm not laughing anymore.

Not for nothing, this 'ish is crazy. Not only did they hit the kid with a patrol car but they beat fire out of him. For ATTEMPTED robbery? WOW.

I mean, not saying the lil' dude is in the right. Criminal activity is criminal activity. But not for nothing, this is the kinda ass whooping somebody should've given Bernie Madoff or how about the white kid that shot up all those folks in Arizona??

*shrug*

I'm just saying.

this is not what Jesus would do...

As if this weather isn't bad enough, now we've got nuns in Brooklyn falsely accusing Black men of rape.

*sucks the back of my teeth CLEAN*

Apparently, Sister Mary Turcotte, who just so happens to be white, filed a false police report claiming she was attacked on the street last Thursday by a 6-foot-4, 250-pound black man.

The 26 year-old liar told detectives the assailant choked her, dragged her through the streets and left her unconscious in a snowbank with her underwear down and her breasts exposed. Mm-hmm, she was real detailed.

It was only after the manhunt kicked off, that the religious fraud caught a bad case of the guilts and admitted that she concocted the entire assault to cover up her sexual shenanigans with a bodega worker.

PAUSE.

The bodega worker? As opposed to the bodega OWNER?? READ: The random dude who stocks the diapers on the shelves in the back???

*nosedives in the shallow end of the pool*

You know what... all that using your hidden sexual fantasies of being dragged through the streets and left in a snowbank to get it in with homie from the bodega is doing way too much. For her sake, I hope Gold helps her figure out whats really going on in that screwed up mind, while her ass sits in a jail cell for a couple of years.

Scandalous trick.

parenting isn't for everybody...

Let me get this straight. A 13-month old baby drowns in the bathtub while his mother is checking her friends' status updates and playing CafeWorld on Facebook? Forreal?

When I initially saw this story, I almost refused to click link. And quite honestly, I'm sorry that I went against my gut. Cause now I'm physically ill.

Not only did this little boy drown because of his mother's irresponsibility and lack of good judgement but wait on it... This ignorant hooker has the nerve to try and justify her actions??

Talking about, "he wanted to be left alone."

HUH? He, who? Since when can a one year old tell an adult ANYTHING??? Let alone, give me privacy while I bathe.

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This tragedy was so senseless and preventable it's just... BEYOND.

facebook is the devil...

And in other loosey goosey white woman news:

Two cousins from Long Island, Melanie Spanopoulos and Giselle Penagos, got into a disagreement over a dude who accepted one chick's Facebook friend request yet denied the other cousin.

As if even having an argument over a Facebook friend request isn't petty enough, when Giselle (the denied female) found out that her cousin's request had been accepted, she caught an attitude and refused to get into a car with Melanie. Well, turns out Melanie wasn't having it. So this moron proceeded to hit her cousin with her van- TWO TIMES.

(Clearly one time wasn't enough. Homegirl needed to put the vehicle in reverse and run that ass over again to make her point. )

Long story short, poor Giselle required surgery Monday to fix a broken leg and shattered pelvis.

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Just so we're all clear, this crazy bish ran over and then reversed a freaking VAN on top of her own flesh and blood b/c of some dude's FB friend selection?

*logs all the way off*

mo money, mo problems...

So Oprah's got a half-sister, huh?

Lucky chick.

Cause I surely was sitting here hoping that the big announcement was that she discovered that she actually had a secret love child out and that it turned out to be ME. No offense mom.

Oh wells, so much for that crack pipe dream.

On another note, prayers up for all the victims of the terrorist attack at the Moscow airport and Holly Lahti, the 29 year-old single mom that won $190 million dollars in the Mega Millions jackpot about three weeks ago. Turns out homegirl had serious domestic violence issues with her sleazy, estranged husband (who put that nasty shiner on her left eye back in 2003 & also happens to be suing for a chunk of her winnings) and is now missing.

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*makes the sign of the cross and starts tossing holy water every which way*

do not pass go, do not collect a single dollar...

For the record, I am adamantly pro-choice.

I have no interest or desire to regulate another woman's reproductive decisions nor do I believe that it is anyone else's right to do so.

Because at the end of the day, there's only one person that will have to live with the mental and physical consequences of giving birth to an unwanted child. And it sure as hell ain't nam one of the folks holding up graphic protest signs and blockading the entrance to abortion clinics.

With that said, I am absolutely horrified by the accusations against this doctor in Philadelphia. H-O-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.

Performing medical services in a filthy clinic that reeked of cat urine?

Abortions given during the 6th & 7th month of pregnancy?

Severing living babies' spinal cords with scissors?

Hoarding bags of fetuses in a refrigerator?

Transferring venereal disease from patient to patient b/c the instruments weren't sterilized?

Saving baby feet in jars for no known medical reason?

*gags violently*

This man wasn't a medical practitioner, he was a freaking MONSTER.

And what makes is so devastating is that he clearly preyed on the weakest members of his very own community. Cause ain't no way in the world, any woman with means and options would elect to have such a sensitive surgery in such a disgusting, demoralizing and offensive environment.

There's a special place in hell for people who are part of ish like this. And certainly I hope that man, his wife (who was his partner in crime) and all the rest of the so called professionals in the office -receptionist, nurse, anesthetist, whoever was there- see fit to make their way there ASAP.

screwed up priorities...

So I'm going to skip right over Regis's retirement announcement, the 300 dead cows in Wisconsin and get to the important stuff: the bidding war over O.B tampons on Ebay!

*silence*

Okay, I kid, I kid. But don't act like paying $79 for a box of tampons isn't excessive.

Actually, a couple of stories caught my attention this morning as I was catching up from the long weekend hiatus: First, there's the story about the Memphis high school where 90 teen girls are pregnant or have already given birth this school year. Uh, 90? All in 1 school? SMH. So much for abstinence, huh? Then there is the article on the Hepatitis C patient in Alaska who was charged with attempted murder for spitting on a nurse while she was trying to put him in restraints. Now, ya'll already know how squeamish I am about germs & saliva... Can you imagine what this poor woman was thinking when 'ole dude hocked a fat one in her mouth?? *shudders* But the most intriguing of all the headlines I stumbled across was the white guy who completely wilded out when his wife caught him watching porn. And when I say wilded out, I mean homeboy flew into a rage and straight stabbed her to death. Mmm-hmmm... But wait on it- after the murder, he proceeded to go to a basketball game and THEN call the police.

DEAD.

Like seriously? There are so many things wrong with this last story. First of all, why are married people still getting into arguements over porn? Its a video with actors. That he will never meet. Now, if it was a video of your next door neighbors or your kid's 3rd grade teacher, that's a little different. But some botox filled broad and bi-sexual man w a penile extension? So not worth the energy or worse, getting yourself killed over. At all.

And who in the trailer trash crazy goes to a basketball game before reporting a murder? For all that, he might as well not call at all. Just toss her ass in a garbage bag and keep it moving.

No offense.

Maybe I'm just tired this morning but the series of poor decisions in this situation is simply perplexing. Forreal.

now is the time to call 911...

It's funny, because as a single woman, I'm frequented being asked what I look in a mate. And naturally, here are a lot of qualities that I hope that my life partner will possess. But after watching this video, I gotta tell you the order of that theoretical list IMMEDIATELY become revised and now has a non-negotiable number one:

SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE.

YO, how in the WORLD does anyone in their right mind drive by an unsupervised toddler waddling down the sidewalk EVER???? And the baby was ONLY wearing a pair of diapers in the f'king SNOW???

BLANK STARE w/ MOUTH COMPLETELY AJAR

Ya'll these dudes are beyond foul and selfish. And their sick, voyeuristic ability to enjoy witnessing what is clearly a cry of help and not get involved is just...

This is exactly what I meant when I say, as embarrassed as that pre-teen might have TEMPORARILY felt getting whupped up on by his Uncle, at LEAST somebody cared enough to jump in and get involved when he was endangering his life (And yes, posting pictures of yourself pretending to be a drug dealing gang member and making terrorist death treats on the internet where nothing ever disappears IS endangering your life).

This seriously reminds me of the type of people that stand around and video tape a woman being gang raped. But in that case, at least the cowards can claim that they might of been scared for their own safety. This is a BABY on a deserted street in a clearly blighted area of town.

I really hope all the men laughing in that car face criminal charges for their depraved indifference.

*drops the mic and walks away*

why is she a 26 year-old senior...

In this week's swept-under-the-rug news, this past Sunday the Ithaca Police Department snatched up 26 year-old Cornell senior, Keri Lynn Blakinger in some local hotel parking lot holding nearly SIX ounces of UNCUT heroin!!

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Um,what in the over-educated, no commonsense having, delusions of grandeur hell?

Will someone please explain to me why these privileged college students are behaving like they're corner boys from the 80s? I know the economy is in a recession but times ain't NEVER that goddamn tough if you're enrolled in freaking IVY LEAGUE University! Sheeeit.

But not for nothing, what's really, really, really making my nerves bad is homegirl from Cornell's mugshot. Yo. Why does her skin look like a damn biology class experiment gone all the way WRONG??

This chick has mad sores and open blisters all over her face. Uuggh. Makes me wanna grab a Sharpie and play connect the dots on her pockmarked face. And then her hair... JE-SUS.

*makes the sign of the cross*

No exaggeration, there's so much grease I can smell it from here. I know it's finals week but dammit, she couldn't have taken a quick shower before she went to make that drop? No? Too much?

*gags violently*

Ya'll brats better stop playing the reindeer games, turn off that damn Rick Ross and get your asses back to that study group. Dammit.

arizona is a bad, bad place...

Right... So about Elizabeth Johnson, the chick in Arizona that basically admitted killing her 8-month year old baby, stuffing his lifeless body in a diaper bag & tossing it into a dumpster after she found out on Facebook that her baby daddy was kicking it to another girl???

DEAD FISH EYES

I'm really starting to think that folks should be required to pass some sort of mental stability exam before having access to social networking sites. 'Cause this is officially doing the most right now. Killing your own flesh and blood because you snooped around and found exactly what you were looking for? Lord have mercy, this is some real life, white trash version of that scene from For Colored Girls... SMDH.

Epic. Parental. FAIL.

And not for nothing, I equally fault the child's father for this senseless tragedy. Mmm-hmm... sure do. Because if you know that you're dealing with a psycho chick- why would you put your personal business on freaking Facebook??

And DO NOT even try to tell us that you didn't think she was capable of the crazy. Not for nothing, I took one look at that 'extra calm, eyes-wide-open but nobody's home' mugshot and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt... this bish is a killer. Just. Like That.

Meanwhile, he done dates, procreated and been in a protracted custody battle with her looneytunes ass? nope. He should've known better.

As far as I'm concerned, he was practically begging for her to snap off and act up.

*makes a sign of the cross*

You know, instead of spending all that time and energy trying to run out the Mexicans, Governor Jan Brewer should focus on keeping the babies safe unstable moms.

2 steps back...

Hmmm, so THIS is what musical gentrification has gotten us. Fantastic. Just fantastic.

*reaches for the stash of little blue pills & bottle of vodka*

Feel free to thank my homie, Miz Cooper for this gem.

cloudy days ahead...

Oh Heidi, Heidi, Heidi... I know it's hard to stay relevant in television these days. Especially when you're a visibly aging weather girl for the weekend evening news report show.

(SIDEBAR:. I so didn't even know there was a evening news broadcasts on the weekends! Who's watching the news on a damn Saturday??)

But sweetie, filing false rape reports is not the way to way to do that sunshine.

Personally, I believe you should serve every last day of that year long jail sentence. Perhaps that will give you some time to think about all the ACTUAL rape victims whose REAL cases weren't being investigated while the police went on this wild goose of yours.

DEAD FISH EYES

Oh and good luck with that job suspension... Seems like a shitty economy to be playing the reindeer games with your livelihood. Sure hope your attention-seeking ass saved up for a rainy day.

keep a candle lit...

There seems to be a lot going on this morning. From what looks to be another serial killer in Long Island to the shoot out in a Florida school board meeting to Juarez, Mexico reporting it's 3,000th homicide of the year, its a busy news.

Ironically, one story that does not seem to be getting any air time, except from a few conscious bloggers and on my not-so secret political correspondent crush, Marc Lamont Hill's Twitter feed is the non-violent protest (they're refusing to leave their cells to work or eat) Georgia State Prisoners have been staging for the past six days.

Apparently the inmates are refusing to work and eat until they are granted:

- Fair wages for their labor

- Educational Opportunities including vocational and self-improvement opportunities

- Basic Healthcare

-An end to cruel and unusual punishments

-Decent Living Conditions

-Nutritional meals

-Access to families

-Just parole decisions

Um, not ONE of these requests seem unreasonable to me.

Yet, they're being dragged from their cells, beaten, denied hot water or heat and alternatively thrown in solitary confinement to force them to go back to work. Guess they don't give a damn if they don't wanna eat, huh?

Regardless of the crime- who's mad at a con for wanting to pick up a book or a trade? Uh, not me. Lord only knows what kind of sickness and contagious diseases are running rampant inside them dirty ass prisons... If we're not using cruel and unusual punishment on terrorists, why would we utilize it against our own citizens? I mean, just because you're in jail, doesn't mean you have to live like an animal. Why shouldn't they have a decent cell? Or get to see their families. Maybe those visits will be motivation to act right. As for pay, the average prisoner only makes 5o cents an hour. these guys are making NOTHING. Come on, that's ridiculous. Oh and you know what, since all the right-wing parents of little fatass kids are beefing about our First Lady wanting to 'dictate "what's on their school menus- just go on and give the damn apples and bananas to the prisoners.

Word.

So even if there are no breaking news headlines every hour on CNN, by all means, get to praying.

All those men are asking for is a little bit of decency and to be treated like human beings. And if it is not given now, please believe when they are all finally released, most will probably return the favor to their respective communities.

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** Snatched this from The Crunk Feminist Collective's post on the matter:

Below is a list of prisons where prisoners are still on lockdown & where you can call to express concern.

Hays State Prison—706-857-0400

Macon State Prison—978-472-3900

Telfair State Prison—229-868-7721

Smith State Prison – 912-654-5000

The Georgia Department of Corrections is at http://www.dcor.state.ga.us and their phone number is 478-992-5246