bullies in blue...

I was searching the internet for one of the commercials that aired during the Super Bowl Last night- you know, the one that ends with the black woman throwing something at her boyfriend but it actually hits the white girl in the head. And when blondie falls out, the two of them run off together? OMG, that commercial was so funny, I woke up with a smile on my face. Unfortunatley, came across this video instead.

Um, yeah. Let's just say I'm not laughing anymore.

Not for nothing, this 'ish is crazy. Not only did they hit the kid with a patrol car but they beat fire out of him. For ATTEMPTED robbery? WOW.

I mean, not saying the lil' dude is in the right. Criminal activity is criminal activity. But not for nothing, this is the kinda ass whooping somebody should've given Bernie Madoff or how about the white kid that shot up all those folks in Arizona??

*shrug*

I'm just saying.

parenting isn't for everybody...

Let me get this straight. A 13-month old baby drowns in the bathtub while his mother is checking her friends' status updates and playing CafeWorld on Facebook? Forreal?

When I initially saw this story, I almost refused to click link. And quite honestly, I'm sorry that I went against my gut. Cause now I'm physically ill.

Not only did this little boy drown because of his mother's irresponsibility and lack of good judgement but wait on it... This ignorant hooker has the nerve to try and justify her actions??

Talking about, "he wanted to be left alone."

HUH? He, who? Since when can a one year old tell an adult ANYTHING??? Let alone, give me privacy while I bathe.

BLANK STARE

This tragedy was so senseless and preventable it's just... BEYOND.

facebook is the devil...

And in other loosey goosey white woman news:

Two cousins from Long Island, Melanie Spanopoulos and Giselle Penagos, got into a disagreement over a dude who accepted one chick's Facebook friend request yet denied the other cousin.

As if even having an argument over a Facebook friend request isn't petty enough, when Giselle (the denied female) found out that her cousin's request had been accepted, she caught an attitude and refused to get into a car with Melanie. Well, turns out Melanie wasn't having it. So this moron proceeded to hit her cousin with her van- TWO TIMES.

(Clearly one time wasn't enough. Homegirl needed to put the vehicle in reverse and run that ass over again to make her point. )

Long story short, poor Giselle required surgery Monday to fix a broken leg and shattered pelvis.

BLANK STARE

Just so we're all clear, this crazy bish ran over and then reversed a freaking VAN on top of her own flesh and blood b/c of some dude's FB friend selection?

*logs all the way off*

do not pass go, do not collect a single dollar...

For the record, I am adamantly pro-choice.

I have no interest or desire to regulate another woman's reproductive decisions nor do I believe that it is anyone else's right to do so.

Because at the end of the day, there's only one person that will have to live with the mental and physical consequences of giving birth to an unwanted child. And it sure as hell ain't nam one of the folks holding up graphic protest signs and blockading the entrance to abortion clinics.

With that said, I am absolutely horrified by the accusations against this doctor in Philadelphia. H-O-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.

Performing medical services in a filthy clinic that reeked of cat urine?

Abortions given during the 6th & 7th month of pregnancy?

Severing living babies' spinal cords with scissors?

Hoarding bags of fetuses in a refrigerator?

Transferring venereal disease from patient to patient b/c the instruments weren't sterilized?

Saving baby feet in jars for no known medical reason?

*gags violently*

This man wasn't a medical practitioner, he was a freaking MONSTER.

And what makes is so devastating is that he clearly preyed on the weakest members of his very own community. Cause ain't no way in the world, any woman with means and options would elect to have such a sensitive surgery in such a disgusting, demoralizing and offensive environment.

There's a special place in hell for people who are part of ish like this. And certainly I hope that man, his wife (who was his partner in crime) and all the rest of the so called professionals in the office -receptionist, nurse, anesthetist, whoever was there- see fit to make their way there ASAP.

screwed up priorities...

So I'm going to skip right over Regis's retirement announcement, the 300 dead cows in Wisconsin and get to the important stuff: the bidding war over O.B tampons on Ebay!

*silence*

Okay, I kid, I kid. But don't act like paying $79 for a box of tampons isn't excessive.

Actually, a couple of stories caught my attention this morning as I was catching up from the long weekend hiatus: First, there's the story about the Memphis high school where 90 teen girls are pregnant or have already given birth this school year. Uh, 90? All in 1 school? SMH. So much for abstinence, huh? Then there is the article on the Hepatitis C patient in Alaska who was charged with attempted murder for spitting on a nurse while she was trying to put him in restraints. Now, ya'll already know how squeamish I am about germs & saliva... Can you imagine what this poor woman was thinking when 'ole dude hocked a fat one in her mouth?? *shudders* But the most intriguing of all the headlines I stumbled across was the white guy who completely wilded out when his wife caught him watching porn. And when I say wilded out, I mean homeboy flew into a rage and straight stabbed her to death. Mmm-hmmm... But wait on it- after the murder, he proceeded to go to a basketball game and THEN call the police.

DEAD.

Like seriously? There are so many things wrong with this last story. First of all, why are married people still getting into arguements over porn? Its a video with actors. That he will never meet. Now, if it was a video of your next door neighbors or your kid's 3rd grade teacher, that's a little different. But some botox filled broad and bi-sexual man w a penile extension? So not worth the energy or worse, getting yourself killed over. At all.

And who in the trailer trash crazy goes to a basketball game before reporting a murder? For all that, he might as well not call at all. Just toss her ass in a garbage bag and keep it moving.

No offense.

Maybe I'm just tired this morning but the series of poor decisions in this situation is simply perplexing. Forreal.

you add it up...

So I read the story about the Black former Gristedes van driver who basically ran over and killed a Hispanic woman in Brooklyn while he was driving drunk. The 29 year-old was married with three young children. Oh and wait on it... she was also three months pregnant.

BLANK STARE

I'm not going to get into how in his tipsy state, witness testified that dude was speeding and slowing down so that his boy could cat-call female pedestrians as they drove by. Seriously? No. I'm just going to say that I was happy as hell to hear that received 15 years in prison. At first. And then I was sad. really, really sad.

Why?

Because then I remembered a very similar DUI manslaughter case sentencing that took place only four months ago.

Equally horrific details- a married mother is mowed down while while hailing a cab. Except in that case, the driver was a White off-duty cop who was heading home from the bar with another cop when he ran over the Black woman. The victim was also a married mother. Oh and it definitely gets better... when the ON-DUTY cops (you know the ones that were supposed to protect & serve the victim) arrived on the scene, they not only advised said drunken officer not to take the breathalyzer-they also instead gave him a stick of gum, two bottles of waters and allowed him to leave the scene (to go home & sober up).

He received exactly 90 days in prison. Uh huh, you read that correctly, NINETY DAYS.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that dude who killed the pregnant lady should've gotten a lighter sentence. When you decide to drive under the influence, that's the dangerous gamble you take. In this case, homeboy lost.

But, just so I'm clear lemme do the math:

Jan 2011 Black van driver kills Hispanic mother= 15 YEARS

Sept 2010 White police officer kills Black mother= 90 DAYS

Granted, I only made it as far as College Algebra but err um, the discrepancy seems like... a lot.

off to a great start...

Okay, I'm confused.

The members of The House of Representatives are going to spend the ENTIRE morning reading the Constitution aloud?? To who? Themselves??

Err-um, not for nothing I thought all that reading in a group, story time crap ended in 5th grade. What's next? A pop quiz to make sure everybody was paying attention?

Freaking Ridiculous.

Now please correct me if I'm wrong but, wasn't the entire Republican/ Tea Party 'Take Back Our Government' movement based on reducing government waste?

Yet this scheduled reading-that is going to require HOURS of paid work time-isn't waste?

BLANK STARE W 3 LOOOONG BLINKS.

Yo, these folks are a bunch of flip-flopping liars. Riddle me this, if it's really about mentally rededicating themselves to the true meaning of upholding the law then why not do that shit at an UNPAID weekend retreat... at Speaker Boehner's crib? You know, as opposed to in the Capitol Building , when I'm not only paying your salary but also paying the electricity bill to keep the f'king lights on!!

Man listen... I can't with the crazy on my dime.

send this boy a diddy t-shirt asap...

We hear so many horror stories about sexting gone wrong and exes posting nude pics of women AND men on the internet that it's impossible not to become jaded by low folks can go. But happily, here's a small victory for the victims...

A 20 year-old man in New Zealand plead guilty to distributing indecent material for posting a naked picture of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook without her consent and was actually sentenced to JAIL time.

Granted, it was only 4 months but still....

In what he's calling an "act of revenge" but I consider straight bitchassness, Joshua Simon Ashby posted a photo of a woman he'd been dating on and off (NOT EVEN HIS GIRLFRIEND), which featured her naked in front of a mirror on homegirl's own Facebook page. READ: So she'd be humilated in front of ALL of her friends and family.

As if that isn't mortifying enough, Ashby altered the security settings to make it available for viewing to everyone on FB, then altered her password so she could not remove it.

Mind you, this happened AFTER previous incidents where he'd already stolen two of her dresses and destroyed them, knocked her down and broke her cellphone and threatened to kill her via text messages.

DEAD SILENCE

I sincerely hope this chick is sues the 'ish outta him in civil court and leaves his abusive, bullying behind naked and broke.

hopped up like the wwe main event...

HOLD UP!

Can we please talk about the graphic images that FDA will be requiring cigarette companies to put on all their packs and cartons as of June 22, 2011?

*GAG*

O-M-G! Have we really gone from the days of a cool ass Joe Camel cartoon to a dying cancer patient... I can't. What in the hell has this world come through???

I mean certainly, this campaign to discourage teens from smoking will deter anyone with a remotely queasy stomach. But my God. And to be perfectly honest, looking at that picture of the crying baby makes me wanna schedule a hysterectomy, not stop smoking.

But all jokes aside, there are a lot of ways to skin a cat. And we all know, honey catches more bees than vinegar. So instead of making the kids (and every damn body that has to see it) sick to their stomach, why doesn't the FDA take this moment to do something positive. You know, like regulate the amount of hormones that are fed to the poultry and cows.

I'm willing to bet all my birthday money that we'd have less underage kids puffing on cigarettes if the crazy growth 'roids didn't have them thinking (and looking like) they are so freaking grown.

*shrug*

I'm just saying.

i like my fries hot...

So, it seems city leaders in San Francisco have voted to ban McDonalds Happy Meals because wait on it... they're not truly healthy.

DEAD FISH EYES

Yo, can someone please tell what exactly IS healthy in McDonalds??? (And puh-lease don't EVEN say the Apple Dippers because once you dip the fruit slices in the freaking caramel sauce it's officially candy)

*crickets*

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I swear, people K-I-L-L me. If you're really that damn concerned about kids leading healthier lives why not put some of that time, energy and MOOLAH into making sure all children have access to GYM CLASSES, AFTERSCHOOL SPORTS PROGRAMS and CLEAN PUBLIC PARKS???

Or my bad, does that just seem too much like the right thing to do?

BLANK STARE

Commonsense beats an education all day, every day I tell ya.

two times is the blessed charm...

Sometimes there's just so much craziness going on in the world that I have no choice but to block the most sensational sounding stories out.

Hence, why it took 5 days for me to actually bother to read the details on Jesse Shipley, the kid from Staten Island that died in a car crash & for whatever reason, after already determining cause of death; the coroner decided to keep his brain in the office while returning the body to the family for burial.

BLANK STARE w 3 LOOONG BLINKS

Mind you, no one would've ever been the wiser except kids from the dead boy's school just so happened to have a field trip to said coroner's office. And the genius examiner had Jesse's brain in a clear jar with his damn name labeled on it out for display.

Yeah, you read that correctly. As in for show n' tell.

Oh but forget about the traumatized kids who saw their friend's brain in a jar and the family who realized that they had buried their child without a brain. The best part? Now the family's priest who refused to consider it a "proper burial" without the brain intact. So the parents had to dig up the body, put the brain inside the carcass and RE-bury their child.

Now, when I tell ya'll we're living through the end of days...

*starts tossing holy water like I'm popping champagne*

laughing all the way to lockdown...

Wow. I just read the story about 18 year-old Tyler Clementi who apparently committed suicide after his punk ass roommate, Dharun Ravi and Ravi's homegirl, Molly Wei used a hidden webcam to stream the Rutger University freshman's make-out with another dude live on the Internet. And added bonus: announced the intention to do so on his Twitter feed.

DEAD FISH EYES

Seriously? This story completely breaks my heart. How nasty and mean of an individual can you be to videotape your own roommate and then put it up on the freaking internet? As a female, knowing how often it's done to women, why would you ever co-sign on sexually exploiting anyone like that? Why is the idea of two men making out even funny? It's just sex. Big damn deal. SMH.

So now, this promising kid, who was apparently a very talented violinist, just jumped off the George Washington Bridge and both your dumb asses are looking at least five years in jail.

Still funny now?

Uugh. No one deserves such an undignified outing of their sexual orientation.Ever. My heart goes out to his family.

put down the doughnuts...

Oh the NYPD meter maids... SMH.

It just so tragic how seriously this mean-spirited division of the police department takes itself. Like, it's not our fault you couldn't even qualify to fight REAL crime. Tell you what, instead of taking it out on every tom, dick and harry who's car is even remotely parked near a dead fire hydrant, why don't you go workout and study a little something? So maybe one day, you can catch a real criminal. No, too much like right? I figured.

*rolls eyes*

So check this out: according to the NY Post a NYPD traffic cop was so busy ticketing a car parked on the wrong side during alternate side of the street cleaning, that the dummy chick didn't even notice the driver was sitting in the car- DEAD. Oh and wait on it, it's not like the corpse was leaned back against the seat where he could've been mistaken for sleeping. Nope. Homeboy overdosed and died with his body straight slumped over the steering wheel. Can you imagine?

BLANK STARE

Bish, I know all you do for 8 hours is ride around in a little go-cart and bring misery to drivers. But forreal, forreal aren't you a trained POLICE OFFICER? How you leave a ticket on the windshield and don't even bother to make sure the car is unattended? Shouldn't you of all people be AWARE of your surroundings at all times? How you busy telling me, if you see something say something but your oblivious ass ain't notice a damn CORPSE??

And all fun and games aside, what if dude had been a victim of a violent crime and the perpetrator was still in the area looking for the next victim?? But no. Miss Thang was so busy trying to get back to that ice latte she probably left in the car, she completely missed the actual opportunity to PROTECT & SERVE our community.

Waste of my damn taxes dollars.

at least antoine is getting paid...

Well lookey here- The 'Bed Intruder Song' (the tomfoolery based on Antoine Dobson's hood ass interview after his sister was attacked in her bedroom that was cobbled together by a quartet of white musicians from Brooklyn) just hit the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Mind you, the track has sold more than 91,000 copies on iTunes and was at no. 39 on the iTunes chart last week.

Yo. Not to be funny but did Usher's new single featuring Jay-Z even sell that much?

And wait on it... When asked by the NYT the reason for the viral video's crossover success, one of the creators explained, “The bar is getting lower for creative artists to break into the mainstream.”

Mmm-hmm, just. like. that.

*makes the sign of the cross and pours out a lil' licca for the careers of Ciara, Maya, Ameriee, Mario, Lloyd, & all the rest of the 1-name wonder wannbes.*

u get no points for originality...

So eer-um yeah, about the unemployed, single mother of three in South Carolina who just confessed to suffocating her two sons to death with her bare hands because she was stressed out, dead ass broke and felt overwhelmed? PAUSE. Oh and my fave part? That the 500-lb beauty queen tried to cover-up the murders by recycling a new version that crazy white woman, Susan Smith's story about losing control of the car and it (along w the babies) would up at the bottom a nearby lake.... 'Cept I guess she decided to skip the part about the carjackers, huh?

SIGH.

Um Precious.... kids are not kittens. You don't bag 'em up and toss them in the lake when the litter gets to be too much. You just don't. Dummy.

I swear, I have Z-E-R-O sympathy for women that CHOOSE to have a whole gang of kids and when 'ish hits the fan- they suddenly can't cope. At All. Newsflash: being a parent is so much more than sperm meeting egg in your uterus. I don't care what the Bible tells you, if your life is a shit show to begin with, don't bring another helpless dependent into nonsense.

*looks directly at the pro-life zealots protesting outside of abortion clinics around the country*

Again, it's craziness like this that should serve as a wake-up call to Republicans and conservatives who want to restrict access to birth control. Cause if didn't nobody else figure it out; trust me, the good Lord himself knew that this woman didn't have any business having THREE children. Raising them by her damn self. In poor ass South Carolina.

Geesh.

yo, where are his clothes...

Oh. My. GOD. This video is so many things, and every last one a damn shame.

Real talk? Can't nobody tell me that YouTube wasn't created by the devil explicitly to drive people to commit social suicide. The. End.

"Can I be the one that hold you dooooown? Can I be the one that hold you doooown? "

Err-um 50 Tyson, wherever your mumble mouth ass is "uptown in Minnesota," puh-lease stop the madness. Not now but RIGHT now. Sounding like a cross between an severely injured basset hound and a freshly paroled rapist on the prowl... Dude, neither this nor any of the SEVENTEEN other videos you got posted are the business.

Oh and just so you know, I blame the ENTIRE Republican party for this shit right here.

Mmm-hmm... Had they voted to extend jobless aid, this fool could've paid somebody to give him a shirt and clue. But no. Instead of looking for a job that requires the intelligence of a 1st grader, this neanderthal is spending his days trolling through the woods, looking like a mentally challenged serial killer, screeching made-up songs and threatening radio station djs.

(And all foolishness aside, this is the kind of illiterate nonsense that those crazy ass TeaBaggers play at their recruitment rallies to get hype. SMH. We have got to do better folks.)

*drops to my knees and prays*

lifetime supply of condoms, birth control & nicotine gum please...

OMG, today's video just broke my heart.

Like seriously, how do we live in a world where a grown ass man thinks turning his 18-month year old son onto cigarettes is not a big deal- 'cause the kid still looks healthy to him. Meanwhile, the wackass mother insists there is there's nothing she can do about the now 2 year-old's 40 cigarettes-a-day habit. SMH.

But wait on it, why does baby Artie know EXACTLY what he's doing!?! Talking about he will only smoke one brand. And if he can't get his cigarettes he throws a tantrum and bangs his head against the wall. What the hell?

BLANK STARE as visions of backhands and multiple ass whoopings dance through my brain.

Right.

And not to be funny but... who's paying for all them damn cigarettes? 'Cause last time according to the article in the NY Post, the father is a fishmonger (READ: glorified fisherman) and all ya'll are living in a damn hut somewhere out in rural Indonesia.

FAIL.

How's this for an idea? Instead of kicking out for Artie's cancer sticks maybe, just MAYBE they should slap a nicotine patch on his back and try using that money towards some t-shirts that fit the lil' fatty.

No offense.

long way from the drummond's crib...

WOWOW... so Gary Coleman's scary snaggletoothed ex-wife done sold photos of the man on his death bed to The Globe tabloid ???

PAUSE

Real talk? I'm actually at a loss. I don't even know what to say to that... Who does that???

CONTEMPLATIVE SILENCE

And not for nothing, here my dumbass was trying to give that maniacal lookin' bish the benefit of the doubt since we all know Gary used to whoop that ass coming and going. Okay? But crazy is crazy...

I mean, first it was the call to 911 where she straight up tells the emergency services operator that she absolutely will not go help resuscitate Gary because "there's blood everywhere and its just too much." Then come to find out, homegirl wasn't even married to the little man no more. Next, she's all up on TV denying rumors of involvement before folks even had the presence of mind to start talking? And now, she's fighting the family over burial rights!

DEAD FISH EYES

Lord... Jesus be the next Lifetime movie of the week.

i hate his striped t-shit...

Well alrighty then... It seems that Gawker has allegedly identified the latest 'hot new dance craze' called Surra de Banda. Mmm-hmmm. Now under normal circumstances, I wouldn't pay a mainstream blog like Gawker much atention when it comes to pinpointing a hot new anything that relates to people of color but as soon as I read that it's a Brazilian dance and even better, the name translates to "ass licking" I was all in.

Don't judge me dammit.

Anyoo in the interest of time, I'm going to skip over the back alley black sheet/backdrop, the purposeless pleather belt hanging idly around homegirl's waist, the intriguing jiggly movements her saddlebags were doing all on their own and the fact that any actual dancing she attempted sucked. Because honestly, this post is bigger than this rhythmless fashion challenged child.

Instead, I'm gonna focus on one simple concern:

What kind self respecting man is going to willingly sit down and allow any woman to SMASH his complete face into her ass??

BLANK STARE w 3 LOOOONG BLINKS

And I mean to say, homegirl is jerking the HELL out of dude and clearly giving him all kinds of unexplainable shoe burn on the side of his neck. And still, he's just as calm and smiling... looking like a straight nutjob.

No offense.

Please believe, every time homeboy's nose disappeared between her cheeks I literally gagged. I mean I'm all for some occasional aggressive foreplay between consenting adults but what if she mistakenly farted or some such nonsense???

*pinches nose and backflips into a bedazzled Walmart casket*

stolen scene from stand by me...

OMG, as if yesterday's bus driver and spit situation wasn't enough to make me wanna dry heave, then I clicked on ESPN.com and read about the 21 year-old freak from New Jersey who just got sentenced for VOMITING on a off-duty police officer and his 11 year-old daughter at a Phillies game back in April.

*back-flips in an open casket*

According to various reports, this fat, nasty mo-f'ker and his homeboy decided to get drunk beyond belief at the baseball game. Then Dumb and Dumber started needlessly harassing the people sitting in front of them. Unfortunately, those people just so happened to be Easton, PA Police Captain Michael Vangelo and his two daughters, aged 15 and 11.

So anyhoo, after a couple of innings of cussing, spilling beer and all around ridiculous behavior, the 15 year-old turned around and asked the two to stop. Well don't you know, in response Clemmen's buddy decided to spit on her???

*flatline*

But wait on it... In what can only be described as an epic show of restraint, the cop did NOT kick homeboy's ass. BLANK STARE. No, instead he calmly went and got an park usher and had Clemmen's buddy booted from the stadium. (Yeah, I don't know those type of good samaritans either).

So in retaliation, this worthless bottom feeder starts yelling about how he's gonna be sick, sicks not one but TWO fingers down his throat and BARFED on the cop and his 11 year-old daughter. Then starts starts throwing mad sucker punches at the cop.

*raises from the dead to kill myself again*

BUT WAIT ON IT... so another off duty-cop intervenes, breaks up the fight and restrains Clemmens until the actual Philly police arrived. At which point, this failed abortion (yeah, I said it) straight UP-CHUCKED on another cop.

*seals the bedazzled Walmart casket with super strength Elmer's Glue*

PS. the ONLY encouraging thing that I can report about as it relates to this entire story is that is you look really, really closely at the tiny mugshot I was able to find, dude has a crazy black eye. Here's hoping there was more of that to come after they took the mugshot.