'n' for nice try...

Wow, its a hard week for the Obamas, huh?

First Barack tries to hold his man 'Skip' down and winds up having to suck salt and have a couple of brews with a man that 9 times outta 10 probably didn't even vote for him.  And now, it turns out that the soil in Michelle's beautiful vegetable garden was fertilized by straight up sewage sludge.  Mmm-hmm... READ: every and anything you toss/ flush/ washes down our sewer drains.  

Just let me know when your stomach settles... 'cause the visual on that is a bit much.

Apparently, that damn Clinton administration used a sludge-based product to fertilize the garden back in the 1990s and the effects are STILL lingering.  So when the National Park Service recently tested the soil beneath the garden to see if the vegetables/ fruit could quality for organic certification, it discovered elevated levels of lead averaging 93 parts per million. Mind you, the EPA recommends that you do not even try to grow food in any soil that tests at 100ppm or higher. 

So um yeah, about feeding all the innocent kids in America a salad?  Yeah,  survey says, no thank you.

lord...

So if you were wondering how long it was going to take Eminem to respond to Ms. Mariah's cute little single, Obsessed (which for the record, I actually like), this video is your answer. 

Dayum... can you feel the shank? Marshall went IN.  

Ya know, I might be going out on a limb here BUT I'm thinking that Mariah and Nick should probably just go sit down somewhere, be quiet and reflect for a sec. Cause I don't care how many red carpets you wanna wear between now and forever and this right here... this is NOT okay.

one call I won't accept...

When I first read about Rodell Vereen, the South Carolina man that was arrested for having sex with the same horse for the SECOND time (um yeah, you read that right. He actually did it once before but the cops weren't able to clearly identify him on the stable's surveillance tape until now), my initial response was to vomit in my mouth. I mean the mental image on that was just too much for my nerves this early in the day...

But then, and  feel free to call me crazy, I started to feel bad for homeboy... Mmm-hmm, yeah, I admit it. I actually felt bad for the greasy-looking sexual deviant.

Why? Well, it could be that I'm PMSing and my hormones are all outta wack.  Still, call it a hunch but something tells me that he probably isn't the brightest or wealthiest individual (otherwise, he'd have his own private stable of horse to bonk, no?).  So he's gonna have to reach out to some damn body to bail him out the clinker, right? And the only person you could conceivable call at a time like that would be the poor woman that gave birth to you.  And can you EVEN imagine how that conversation went??

"Um yeah, Mommma? Hi. So listen, what had happened was... these folks done caught me getting it in with the neighbor's filly. And now, well, I'm locked up. Mm-hmm, yes ma'am, as in having sex with the horse.  No, no,  nothing's wrong with your hearing. You heard me correctly. S-E-X. But I swear, I she wanted it too... (insert sound of  woman wailing and sudden dial tone) Hello? Hello?"

Sigh, poor thang. Let the prayer circle commence.

the real king of new york...

Wait a minute, why is Mayor Bloomberg so freakin' GANGSTA??

According to this morning's NYT, since Bloomberg Administration has not been able to curtail or reduce the problem of overcrowding in the city shelters over the past two terms they've now resorted to KICKING non-native homeless families up out of the city.  Yes sir... On some real live, 'No. Actually, you can't make it here. So please proceed to carry your ass the hell on back to wherever you came from.'  

Okay well maybe they're not saying it like exactly that... But the good Mayor is funding a voucher program that "offers" to send entire homeless families anywhere outside of New York City a relative is willing to take them in. Mmm-hmmm...

And apparently there is no limit on how far these displaced families can go.  To date, one-way tickets have been purchased to 24 states and 5 continents including: Paris, Johannesburg, Orlando, San Juan and the list goes on.

But my favorite part?  They wanna act like they care about the well being of the families and that this not about getting the number of homeless down so that he can have a justifiable reason for seeking a third term.  talking 'bout it's all voluntary and that "once a family  leaves New York, homeless service officials follow up with a phone call to make sure they arrive safely, then make a few more calls over the next two to three weeks." Um, somebody please feel free to insert the hard side-eye cause I. Can't. Take. It.

All I'm saying is... if it saves me tax dollars, I'm for damn sure not mad. But I see you Mike.  I see you.

carry your own weight...

Okay see now... 

I'm just as worried as the next American about the sky-rocketing costs of medical care.  Shoot, truth be told, probably a little more so considering I got the nerve to be a self-employed liver transplant recipient and whatnot. HOWSOMEVER, what we're NOT gonna do is blame fat people for all of our problems in the 23.5 hour.  

Uh-uh, all these recent recent reports about obesity-related health issues costing the US $147 billion dollars a year?  No ma'am, I will not co-sign...

Why? Cause real talk? We're all responsible. Those of who watched bedridden people get lifted out of homes with a crane and the lil' Maury kids roll themselves on and off the stage every week like it wasn't a big deal are just as guilty as the individuals who allowed themselves to become overweight b/c of sheer laziness and then developed health issues (as opposed to a medical condition being the REASON they were overweight to begin with).  Yeah, I said it.

Our country didn't JUST become the land of the steroid-infused chickens, triple Whoppers and Diet Cokes.  We've been overindulging for YEARS!! So don't get mad now that the babies you raised on Twinkies, packaged sandwich meats and watching TV instead of going outside to run around don't have the slightest clue how to drop those extra HUNDRED or so pounds. 

Jesus be the government that put half as much energy into making sure folks have just as much access to affordable healthy foods/ information on how to live better/ gym memberships as we do a $1 menus/frozen dinners/ happy hours at the local bar. 

Maybe then, things might truly be a whole lot different.