go away...

So I just heard about the upcoming Vanity Fair feature story on the alledged mistresses of Tiger Woods....

CRICKETS


Yeah... Gotta be honest, not so sure this is a good look for VF. I'm just saying. It just feels way more than like an US Weekly exclusive than a full-length feature for such a great magazine. And not for nothing, I simply don't want to hear anything else from a these trashy low-budget hookers.

Like when are their 15 minutes EVER going to be up??

It's not like I'm suddenly going to feel badly for any of them. To the contrary, it only increases my disdain. For example, all of the women are chiming in on Tiger's cheapness. One says, "All he ever bought me was a Subway sandwich," another gripes that he flew her around in coach and the best is the one who he brought to his crib but never let her into the master bedroom.

BLANK STARE

Man, listen, every single one of ya'll are idiots. Every other week, Tiger Woods is included on a new and improved list of the wealthiest athletes on the PLANET. So if all you got outta that situation was sex in the garage and a sandwich, that's your freaking fault.

The End.

hometraining is so key...

About a month ago, I read an article on Reuters about the significant rise of people in London preferring to use email and social networking web sites to break up with their partners. Mmm-hmmm...

Apparently, over 34 percent of the people polled admitted that they'd ended a relationship by email, 30% had simply changed their status on Facebook and wait on it... 6% of these e-thugs got extra gully and released the news unilaterally on Twitter. TWITTER???

DEAD

I am happy/ blessed to say that to date, I have NEVER had anyone end of relationship with me via email. Shoot, if you ask me over the phone is super shady let alone digitally. but I didn't want to assume that just because I haven't had the unpleasant experience, it wasn't happening to my friends and peeps. So I put up the poll question- Have you ever dumped o been dumped via text message?

And guess what?

83% said never.

2% ended the relationship that way.

13% received notice via text.

BLANK STARE

While I'm relieved for the 83%, I cant believe this bullish has happened to 13% of us. What is the world coming to when folks can't even sum up enough courage to look you in the eye and tell you the relationship is over? Yeah, I'm talking to the 2%. It's not that damn hard. Seriously, unless your life is in danger, it's the least. Even if you're pissed off, there's something very powerful about saying the words- This is Over... I don't want to be with You... This Isn't working for Me... Or my favoritest- So yeah, I'd rather not.

And yes, that includes the times I've been on the receiving end. Cause once I hear the words out of your mouth, there is instant clarity. Grand opening, grand closing.

What do you think?

f'ck the fine print...

It's official, insurance company executives are spawn of the devil. According to today's New York Times, lawyers for the insurance companies are now arguing that language in the new Health Care Bill is open to interpretation. And while the bill now requires them to pay the expenses generated from a child's pre-existing conditions if the child is already covered by their parent's policy, it DOES NOT require them sell new policies to children with pre-existing conditions.

BLANK STARE

So essentially, if they find out that your child has a pre-existing condition before they offer coverage, they can charge you a more expensive penalty fee or simply refuse to cover your child at all. And the 'availability' coverage that requires that everyone receive insurance doesn't go into effect until 2014.

DEAD

I. Can't. How the hell do these people sleep at night?

granny goes hard...

Oh wait, now this is some fun-ny 'ish!

An 81 year-old grandmother in Queens, Maria Cartagena is claiming that her upstairs neighbors intentionally made so much noise that they PROVOKED her into shooting one of them point blank in the head.

PAUSE

After numerous unresolved calls to 311, apparently Maria hit the wall. She freaked out, called her husband at work, started screaming that she couldn't take the torturous noise anymore. Then as fate would have it, she just so 'happened' to run into said neighbor, Iraida Palmieri in the elevator shortly thereafter. According to Maria , Iraida was actin' funny and refused to move over and make space in the elevator car. So Maria told her to move or she was gonna shoot that ass. Iraida who is the wife of a famous Latin jazz pianist, wrongly called Maria's bluff and ended up with one to the head (well, really just upside the head since she only grazed her head). Just. Like. That.

BLANK STARE WITH 3 SLOOOOOW BLINKS

All I can say is the devil is a busy man.

And not for nothing, my upstairs neighbors are kinda nuts too. They're like an apartment full of 20-something years old corner boys who clearly think their spot in the hood is the new Playboy Mansion. At 3 am on any given day of the week, they'll host full on parties, practice dribbling a basketball and or simply play reggaeton until the walls shake.

Puh-lease believe me when I say, I hate Daddy Yankee.

So I understand where Granny was coming from but still.... this right here is nuts.

if Madea shows up, I'm walking out...

Well lookey here, something else kinda controversial that happened while I was busy celebrating the Health Care Bill (that could potentially be no more thanks to the fabulous US Senate):

Tyler Perry finally announced the cast to the upcoming feature adaptation of Ntozake Shange's famous choreopoem "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf."

Or rather, I should say a partial list. Because although there are only seven nameless women in the original work that we've all come to know and love, Mr. Perry has stated that there will be FIFTEEN roles in the film.

*DEAD FISH EYES*

Anyhoo, here it is:

- Whoopi Goldberg, Phylicia Rahsad, Jurnee Smollett, Kimberly Elise, Kerry Washington, Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, and Macy Gray

*crickets*

Yeah... I was rocking with him right up until Janet. After that, no. Not so much. But hey, I love a surprise and believe in prayer. So you never know, maybe Macy will surprise us all....

*whips out rosary and gets to mumblin' my Hail Marys"