i got your box seat in hell...

Dizz-amn, there's a lot of disturbing news poppin' off today...

First the NYT is reporting that on the other side of the world men in the Congo are being raped in record numbers as a result of the ongoing joint Congo-Rwandan conflict (read: more than 10% of the reported rape cases in June were guy on guy action).  Woah.  Clearly there's no limit to the brutality that people will commit against one another...  Perhaps, now that men are being raped and tortured (seems castrations are on the rise too) the international community will finally step in and get involved. SMH.

Then in Pittsburgh, that 48 year-old antisocial prick went into a local LA Sports Club and started shooting up folks 'cause awit on it... no one wanted to be his friend and he couldn't find girlfriend. As if I needed another reason not to go to the damn gym?? Now I got to be worried about the miserable creep who got his little feelings hurt seeking retribution? Dude... Go. Sit. Down.

And finally,  right here in our own backyard that Long Island mom who drove unto Taconic Highway the wrong way and killed EIGHT people was freaking drunk AND high??? Drunk like, authorities discovered an open  1.75 liter bottle of Absolut in the car and homegirl's blood alcohol level report reads as if she knocked back the equivalent of 10 shots of 80-proof liquor and smoked a blunt as recently as 15 minutes before the massacre... WTF??  

Not to question the powers that be in the Universe and shit but I gotta ask- so where the hell was the dickhead State Police officer that all too happily pulled me over a couple of weeks ago for speeding on the same Parkway? Huh, huh?  And don't you know that self-important fool was all up in my face talking about " Young lady you're lucky that a dear didn't jump out in front of your car. Or you might not be here to pay this ticket."  Insert prolonged blank stare with three very slow blinks. 

NEGRO PLEASE. First of all, I'm sober and on the right side of the road.  Secondly, speeding happens.  RE-LAX.  The only reason that I might halfway deserve to be called "lucky" is because some boozed-up, high-ass hell, trashy, red-neck wasn't on the road tossing back swigs of vodka on her way home from a weekend in the woods. 

It's too much.... I'm done.

you may have been a moon but to me she's the star...

Yo, what ever happened to Kelly Price? I was listening to the the radio yesterday afternoon and the remix to 'Friend of Mine', that song she recorded with Mr. Big and the 'R' came on. I was like damn... that big girl could BLOW! And not for nothing, how hilarious was Ron Isley with the nonstop call and response throughout the song?

My God, I miss good music.

money makes all the difference...

I'm so excited about the two days straight of sunshine, I don't know what to do with myself! Oh wait, yes the hell I do.  

I need to earn a living and also find the time to run some overdue errands- take the car to get new brake pads (call me crazy but something about that grinding noise every time I stop seems a little ominous), finish the laundry and retrieve my cell phone from my mom's house.  

Sometimes this whole being a grown-up is waaay boring, no?

Theoretically, I could just sell my multi-million dollar ranch, move around the world to India, become a transsexual named Elizabeth and live in a community of eunuchs and transgenders.  Oh wait, John Jeffords, a primary member of the old money, blueblood family that owned the legendary racehorse, Man 'O War already beat me to it. And apparently he wants to tell the whole world about it on an upcoming ABC special: 'Primetime: Outsiders' which airs on August 25th.  

Sigh, rich kids have all the fun.   

he makes my ears suicidal...

Ummm, you ever have the feeling that some folks just don't know when to just be quiet? It's like they keep going on just to hear themselves speak? Yeah, you too? Well this time, Vincent Nicholos Archbishop of Westminster in England, I'm talking about you.

According to Reuters, dude (who happens to be the Head of the Roman Catholic Church in England) is "concerned that excessive use of emails and mobile phone text messaging is creating shallow friendships and undermining community life." Now, initially, I almost co-signed on his sentiment but then he had to go that extra inch and hit us in the head with his opinion"that popular social networking sites led young people to form "transient relationships" which put them at risk of suicide when they collapse." Suicide? Really? Please insert blank look with three blinks.

Listen, I too wish kids nowadays spent waaaay more time running around, playing sports and being carefree than playing video games, talking on cells, sending IMs and stalking one another Myspace/ FB or whatever the hell is the cyberflavor of the month. But I can't act like back in the day, I wasn't up until all hours of the night talking/ whispering ('cause each Elsa caught me it was sure to be an ass whooping) on the 3-way call, beeping some cute boy on a those ginormous skytel pagers and acting like I was gonna literally die if my Dad didn't click over every time the call waiting sound beeped. And guess what? I turned out just fine. So Father God forgive me if I think to imply that suicide is imminent if someone 'un-friends' you (especially when you're the leader of a church) is a bit much.... Oh well.

Jesus be the bungee cord.

every day is xmas...

OMG, OMG, OMG! My Mommy (yes, it becomes Mommy in moments like this) just surprised me with a brand new Kindle!!! Woo-HOO, go Mitzi, it's ya birthday! Go Mitzi, get busy!

Um, actually, it's not. But yet and still. Big E hooked a sister up for no reason at all, except that she thought it would be something that I'd L-O-V-E. And even though I am SO not the new gadget/ techie-type person at all; I really, really do.

Seriously, tho? There is absolutely nothing in the world better than random acts of kindness. You know the funny card in the mail, 'have a great day' flowers on a Wed, taking my car to get washed 'cause you know I HATE to do it or simply having the bed made by the time I drag my butt out the shower. Can the church get an amen? (On the flip side, this is prob the reason I'm so damn relationship retarded... 'Cause I don't understand when the person you're dating doesn't seem to ever think outside the box and you know, do something special just for the hell of it. It's damn. My mom is better at his than you and I don't even got to swing from a chandelier for her.... But I digress.)

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU MOM. I am SOSOSOSO excited. You just made my whole summer!!