Thursday, August 28, 2008

hope mccain is taking notes...

Err-umm, why did Barack Obama just singlehandedly bring back the lightskin black man????
Not since the days Christopher Williams and Al B. Sure has anyone cared this deeply what a brother with wavy hair had to say about any damn thing. I am so excited to part of this historical moment. Obama is the truth.
Trust, I'll be saying a prayer every day from now until election day. Cause I know every redneck in the backwoods of America who swore up and doen it could never happen is now rev'd up and about to mobilize in order to prevent this man from stepping foot into the big House.

nic and eb making moms nervous...

We lost Ebony a.k.a Sweetie-Sweetie this morning. She had to hightail it back to Oakland to be ready for work on Saturday morning. Even though we've only spent four days together, I was really, really sad to see her go.
One of best things about going on vacation is meeting new people. No matter who you leave home with, there's always interaction with new and interesting and yes sometimes, scary strangers.
So far in the Vineyard I've had the pleasure of meeting the aforementioned Ebony, Samantha (another one of the USC girls), Jeff (Sam's husband), Big D (a 300lb Omega who's still rockin the purple t-shirt he pledged in back in the 80s), Big Al (a former gangbanger who loves to sing karaoke) and Jason (a hardcore I-talian with an eye for the curvy brown girls). Fun times I tell ya, fun times...

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I can't feel my thighs...

Turns out the bike riding is just what the doctor ordered to strech out the crazy muscle that's been kiling me softly for a week. Unfortunately, I'm so out of shape-or as I prefer to call it, soft and squishy- the three miles that we rode to the beach (and another three back), almost sent me to an early grave. With each push of the petal, I kept thinking dear God did I really do this EVERY freaking day when I was a kid? How in the world did I not give myself a heart attack?? Good grief. The only thing that stopped me from simply falling over into the ditch on the side of the street was the fact that I knew none of my equally unbalanced homegirls could've saved me. And I'd be the broken up chick on the side of the road in Edgarstown waiting for the ambulance to come get me and all my parts. Not cute.
But as usual, the actual beach was fun. Sure there was no soft white sand or seventy degrees, crystal clear aqua water but it was still a rocking, Pomegranate wine cooler, very opaque green water, seaweed filled time. At least until the jelly fish showed up. Then we scooted (yes, scooted) our jiggly behinds right up to the towels and prayed for the strength to pedal back.
Note to self: jellyfish are better viewed from behind the glass in an aquarium and I will never, ever, ever need to attend a spin class.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

big ju takes it to the head...

Yippie, we made it! After much drama and confusion, I am finally in Martha's Vineyard for Nicole and Melissa's weeklong 30th birthday celebration. It's my first time in the Vineyard... so excited.
The gang of us spent the first day, lounging at the beach, drinking wine, junk food, watching Sex In The City and talking junk about different ways to say no thank you to fun times in the no-no hole.
Then the very next morning, Melissa's knucklehead boyfriend, Julius showed up for his three day cameo. Naturally, he brought the unique energy only an overly confident, good looking, college educated, former ball playing, single Black man with no kids and a good job can bring: no he won't stop talkin' shit; yes, he's knows everything and most importatnly, where's the McDonalds? Yeah, you heard me- Where's. The. McDonalds. Sigh.

Stay tuned for more updates of the ubsurd...

Friday, August 22, 2008

time to listen...

Ever feel like the Universe is trying to tell you something?
Last week Friday I pulled a major muscle called the iliopsoas. And it hurt like hell. To make matter worse, the strained muscle became inflamed and never went down. In fact, it got to the point where it got so big it was pressing on the sciatic nerve in my right leg. I know, sounds like a whole lot of personal medical information. But bear with me. Cause long story short? I was in breathtaking pain for almost three days straight. I'm talking tears in the street, looking for the elevator in the subway, can't get out of bed in the middle of the night, calling Elsa to come get me pain.
Now we all know, there's always a lesson in the struggle, right? And my lesson came when the doctor informed me of the cause the increased inflammation. Apparently, 75% of the severe inflammation was due to me not resting, running around the city trying to do 50 million things at once in no support having flip-flops and joggig on the pavement. The other 25%? Well that was from straight up stress. My constant worrying about what's next, what I'm not doing, who owes me what, where I should be, etc. Simply put, my inability to relax,relate and release finally caught up with me.
And so now, that I'm back at a point where I can actually get up out of the bed and move around again with some sense of normalacy all I say is- DULY NOTED. Ain't no fun being the cripple chick. It' time to let go and let God... while I make like GUY and chill for a bit.
(sorry if you're too young to understand).

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

i could've been watching the olympics...

So I finally went to a BBQ this past Saturday. And after all the complaining I was doing about not getting invited to one you'd think I'd be overjoyed and doing one-handed cartwheels... not so much. But you know what your mom always says- if you ain't got nothing nice to say keep it to yourself.
So all I'm going to say is- it was really nice to catch up with my girl Christina and her friends from Howard. Hopefully, the next time I won't have to drive to somewhere behind God's back, be surrounded by a very whatever crowd of people and damn near break my front tooth on an overcooked lobster claw.

Friday, August 15, 2008

when it rains...

I'm trying my best to remain an upbeat, positive, optimistic person but what the HELL kinda weather are we having???? One minute it's sunny then it's freezing cold then its a freaking monsoon. It's too much. How am I suppossed to get work done if every time the sun shines, I have to bolt outside b/c I don't know how long it will be untill it returns? And then you wonder why I want to live somewhere that stays warm all year round. I need some stability dammit.
OMIGOD, today is Aug 15th!!! Can you believe it? The summer is about to be OVER. What the hell happened to all the cute parties and hot boys I was supossed to be meeting???? I still have a bunch of pretty party dresses hanging in my closet with tags on them. COME ON PEOPLE! Can somebody please invite me to a decent BBQ with a DJ that can really spin and some men that I haven't met before/ slept with one of my girls/ can congugate their verbs??? GOLLY.
But bigger than my inability to find a party worth wearing my new Christian Louboutins or meet anyone new worth a double take, the end of summer also signals my least favorite time of the year- wedding season. For the record, I'm already booked for two weddings in September and expecting another invitation any moment now. Every time I go to the mailbox, I get nervous. Am I the only single person that feels like she's going broke celebrating other people's love???
Not that I'm not thrilled for my peeps- Anne and Andy are so adorable I predicted nuptials the first time I met him and my homie Dana? Well, I'm not saying nothing till he gets actually gets down the aisle. Not that I don't think Tawana is the goods cause for putting up with him this long she really is... I just know my homeboy. But whatev, up to the online registries I go.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

you can get it too...

I know I'm probably going to hell for this but I gotta say, I find it so amusing when prominent pinktoes fall apart in public. I'd like to think it's less about race and more about equality. African American are repeatedly getting put on blast for the ignorance (hello, Jesse Jackson). So a little balance is always appreciated. I know, I know... Whatever I need to say to make myself feel better. So what I'm having a moment!
So how in the world is John Edwards gonna get caught up in the made-for-Maury paternity suit when his wife is dying of cancer? As if adultry isn't bad enough? You're going to kick her back in while she's dealing with chemo treatments? My. God.

And then what about good 'ole Hayden Panetiere from NBC's Heros? Why her dad got to slap boxing her momma's face the other night? Apparently, when the po-po showed up, Dad told them that she "disrespected" him (yes, that's a quote) by being all up in some other dude's face at the party they'd just come from. Not the "disrespected" excuse!

Lord, what's next? A leaked sex tape featuring Laura Bush and David Beckham? I swear, there's trailer park in heaven for every last one of them.

Monday, August 11, 2008

r.i.p. issac hayes...

Okay, I read an article this morning on AOL detailing how advocate groups for the disabled called for a national boycott of the new movie, "Tropic Thunder," citing its negative portrayal of people with intellectual disabilities. Um for real?

Do people nothing better to do with their time than call for protests and rallies??? Shouldn't them be WORKING? Last time I checked, we were in a recession. They need to put some of that misdirected energy into some revenue producing venture. Not going hard against Ben Stillers's' writers for a tasteless movie that all of 15 pinktoe teenagers are going to see.

Honestly, folks have been cracking ignorant jokes about people's intellect since the very first "Lil' Lisa's Mama is a One-Legged Retard" snap back on the kindergarten playground! Need I remember you of Keenan Wayan's absolutely pitch perfect superhero, Handiman??? All this damn PC crap kills me. I know this sounds terrible, but if you're so concerned about how the disabled are gonna feel when they figure out what the joke means. Why don't YOU stop explaining it to them???? I'm just saying.

Here's the article:

I feel like I lost an obnoxious uncle...

I can't believe Bernie Mac is dead. Like seriously, he was only 50 years old!! I don't want to put my Elsa's business out there like that but seeing his age made my nerves bad enough to call her constantly complaining of old age behind IMMEDIATELY.
To be frank, I still don't understand how someone with that much access to good healthcare dies of pnuemonia. It's like, go to the damn doctor negro! What is the problem? Can I tell you, when I'm rich and famous my behind is gonna be at the doctor for every damn thing! I'm taking if big toe starts to itch, I'm calling a professional toe expert to take a look.
This is such a tremendous loss for comedy. Not just Black comedy... B.Mac was hilarious all across the board. Do you remember the scene in FRIDAY when the midget chases him out of the house and throws a brick in his car window? Oh god, and what about the crazy character he played in LIFE? On the real, how accessible did he make OCEAN'S ELEVEN for the hood? Wasn't THE BERNIE MAC SHOW was the most realistic look at an African American family EVER. And just forget about his stand-up. KINGS OF COMEDY. Period.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

so this is what it's come to...

You know how you have those friends that you only talk to about two times a year? You're not any less their friend for the lack of communication cause you just kinda always know they're okay? But if they do reach out, you know it's important? Well I received a very distressed email from one of my very good homegirls that falls in this category. The email read:
"Why they have to make her look like a white woman! I’m so pissed at this. She is barely recognizable. Come on. This is why I constantly tell my daughter and all her friends how beautiful they are EVERY CHANCE I GET!! When are people (Black & White) gonna stop standing for artificial nonsense like this. Beyonce should be ASHAMED of her damn self. I will no long support her endeavors if this is how she choices to portray herself. I’m gonna end my rant now because I’m getting madder!"
Okay before I say another word, you really need to understand is that my girl is like the ultimate Queen B fan. So for it to come to this... her little heart must be breaking. And to admit it publicly? Well lets just say it's time to convene the prayer circles. But you know what? She sure is dead right. This photo is just that crazy.
I mean no, Beyonce is not necessarily the same complexion as her half-sister Kelly (yeah, I said it) but shit, she surely ain't the same complexion as Angelina Jolie!! What in the world??? And I'm sorry but there's nothing that can convince me except the contract papaers themselves, that she doesn't have right of review on these shots. Seriously? this is what you're okay with Mrs. Carter? Boo.

Damn Beyonce w/ with her color-corrected self and don't forget to vote for my book!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

every click counts...

I have super fantastic news!!!!!! My latest book, HOTLANTA has been nominated for an African American Literary Award for best children's book!! WOO HOO!!!!! Go Mitzi, it's ya birfday! Go Mitzi, get busy!! Go, Go, Go, GO!!! (Feel freel to insert mental image of me popping cheap champagne bottles, doing the running man while my co-author does one-handed cartwheels).

Needless to say, winning an award like this has the potential to be a VERY BIG DEAL!! So what we really, really need for you to do, is to log on, VOTE for our book and TELL someone that I don't already know. Like right now. Seriously.
So stop reading and click:

get 'em girl...

I really do mean to post everyday. How-some-ever, life has a funny way of getting in the way. go figure. But enough with the excuses, on to the good news. My mom's sister, affectionately known as Tia Puchi is in town for 2 weeks. So I've been running around spending quality time with her. Which is hilarity at its best. In my humble opinion, my Tia is exactly what you would get if you crossed my little sister Melissa and myslef- an outgoing, sarcastic, hard-headed diva- who loves her dogs. For those that know that know both me and Melissa, I'll let you be the judge of which attributes belong to whom. ;)
But enough of my favorite aunt and how much fun I've been having doing nothing worth talking about, can we please have a moment about double dutch? And how it is now going to be a competitve varsity sport in the NYC public highschools. Can we get an Amen? Cause if I jog past ONE MORE fifteen year old girl or guy with love handles and a gut, I'm gonna have to burn down the nearest McDonalds! All fun and jokes aside, aren't your the teen years supossed to be when everything you have is tight, right and stands up all on its own? You can only blame the growth hormones so much before we have to admit that sitting on a stoop from the time they get out of school until they go into the apartment at night doesn't exactly burn a lot of calories. Okay?

Read and celebrate: